Males with aspergers - STOP BEATING YOURSELVES UP!

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LoveableNerd
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23 Jul 2011, 5:07 am

RICKY5 wrote:
Romantic love is BS and I've short circuited the reward cycle that is really why men are wired to even bother.

FTW!


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OddFiction
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23 Jul 2011, 11:28 am

kindageeky wrote:
I met him online through a game. And from that interaction, I found him to be charming and attentive. And in person, he was even more so. There many positive traits to AS as well. Honesty is one of them. The other is there was something in the way he looked at me that I found very appealing. Granted this relationship fell apart. But I am not sorry for it. I am happy to maintain a wonderful friendship with him and I accept this friendship with an open heart.


This happened to me too! A totally NT girl found me on a game, and prettymuch DRAGGED me into a long distance relationship. She was beautiful, well paid, a year older than me, had a house and a car (and an ex husband :P but that's immaterial)...

So it does happen. It all fell apart eventually due to distance and some bedroom conflict we eventually discovered (she liked it rough I liked it romantic) but .. well, anyways. The point is, she was drawn to my personality, not my social skills. Social skills are a one-hit-wonder. If your social skills are great you might get a one night lay. If your personality sucks, the social skills aren't going to keep the girl. So screw the social skill attempts - expose her to your personality.

I will say that I'm 35, and medium looks. I've had 4 relationships, and 6 friends over my lifetime.
I've managed to overcome a few of my social hindrances, but have learned that FOR ME the only way to meet women / friends is to expose them to my personality over a long duration. I can't pick up women at social events - it isn't going to happen. I don't have the cojones. What I HAVE (unwittingly) had success with is having women approach me after they've had a chance to interact or observe me over time, and see how nice I am to ... well, prettymuch anyone.

My main bit of advice: Don't go looking to pick up someone the first time you lay eyes on them. Get a job and after you've been there a few months, start keeping your eyes and ears open.. if there's a girl who makes a special effort to say hi to you every day (customer or coworker) or who always asks if you need a hand, or asks you to keep her company on break... come up to her one day and ask simply "Hey I'm not that great reading people, but I've been wondering if you're interested in me - if you are, I'd like to go out sometime." (ask if they are interested, while at the same time telling them you are if they are - this gives them an option to reject you gently, and lets you save face too, and keep working with them comfortably if they say no. At the very least, they'll be flattered.)



OddFiction
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23 Jul 2011, 11:31 am

Actually. You can try picking up someone you just laid eyes on..
I still say that you should show your personality not your social ineptness.

Something like this:

Don't go up and say "Can I check your shirt tag to see if you were made in heaven?" ...
Go up and say "Hey, did you see the guy at the bar ramming corn chips up his nose? He must totally be wasted."

Personality, not pick up lines.



Dark_Lord_2008
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23 Jul 2011, 10:37 pm

NTs are attracted to a person based on: physical attractiveness, social skills and personality.

If you do not have any of those three factors: physical attractiveness, social skills or personality. You are more than likely not suited to an NT.

For a person with Aspergers meeting someone else who has Aspergers who will be best suited to you is hard to find.

A filter to find other people with Aspergers you may mention:
I have Aspergers. Do you have Aspergers? If no, move onto next person until you find someone with Aspergers that can relate to you.

NTs are attracted to other NTs. Aspergers are attracted to other people with Aspergers. Relationships do not seem to last long between NTs and Aspergers.



straightfairy
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25 Jul 2011, 9:45 am

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
NTs are attracted to other NTs. Aspergers are attracted to other people with Aspergers. Relationships do not seem to last long between NTs and Aspergers.


Interesting theory, which kinda makes sense, but I don't think is always true.
I think you'd need a very patient and caring NT person by nature to stay with an Aspie (more than an Nt with an NT, anyway)
Fortunately my mum is such a person, so my folks are still together.


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