How can I help my boyfriend understand why I do these things

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ASimpson
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08 Jul 2011, 11:36 am

How can I help my boyfriend to understand why and how I act the way that I do and how his actions are not helping me, they're making things worse.

How can I help him to understand?



LostAlien
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08 Jul 2011, 11:57 am

ASimpson, what kind of things are happening? I'd like to help but I need more information to give useful advice.


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ASimpson
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08 Jul 2011, 12:10 pm

He acts so cruel towards me.
When I'm upset at him, he REFUSES to talk about it and just antagonizes me to the point of explosion.

I work over 40 hours a week to keep his office running smoothly and he never shows and appreciation or recognition for all my hard work and he just says "tough s**t" when I get frustrated, especially when he takes credit for my work.

He doesn't follow through on his promises and he doesn't understand why I get so mad at him for it.

He avoids communicating with me all the time because "he's afraid to"
How do I explain to him that if he didn't avoid the communication, there wouldn't be a problem?
The only reason why we've had issues in the past is because he antagonizes me constantly.

Basically,
How Can I help him to understand me? And What can I tell him to help us both function?



LostAlien
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08 Jul 2011, 12:19 pm

It seems that his actions are pretty bad, I wouldn't take it myself. It seems like he's mentally abusive based on what you've said. Good communication is key to good relationships, refusal to do so is very damaging to relationships.

Are there any good parts to your relationship with him?


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ASimpson
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08 Jul 2011, 12:26 pm

Yes, If there weren't any good parts, I wouldn't be with him.

He's running his own branch office for the summer and he's very overwhelmed and stressed. And even though I do my job, his job, and two other peoples jobs all at once, he is still stressed and hurtful towards me.

This behavior only began when he opened his branch.



Lene
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08 Jul 2011, 12:34 pm

It's hardly ever a good idea to work with your partner.

If you're being paid to do a job, whilst it's nice, you shouldn't expect praise.

Though since he also seems to be acting a bit of an as*hole on top of that, I suggest you threaten to quit if he doesn't buck up.



ASimpson
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08 Jul 2011, 12:37 pm

Lene wrote:
It's hardly ever a good idea to work with your partner.

If you're being paid to do a job, whilst it's nice, you shouldn't expect praise.

Though since he also seems to be acting a bit of an as*hole on top of that, I suggest you threaten to quit if he doesn't buck up.


Except I'm not being paid....



Lene
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08 Jul 2011, 1:48 pm

ASimpson wrote:
Lene wrote:
It's hardly ever a good idea to work with your partner.

If you're being paid to do a job, whilst it's nice, you shouldn't expect praise.

Though since he also seems to be acting a bit of an as*hole on top of that, I suggest you threaten to quit if he doesn't buck up.


Except I'm not being paid....


Even more reason to quit! I really suggest you focus on finding a paid job for yourself rather than be his unpaid secretary.



ASimpson
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08 Jul 2011, 1:59 pm

Lene wrote:
ASimpson wrote:
Lene wrote:
It's hardly ever a good idea to work with your partner.

If you're being paid to do a job, whilst it's nice, you shouldn't expect praise.

Though since he also seems to be acting a bit of an as*hole on top of that, I suggest you threaten to quit if he doesn't buck up.


Except I'm not being paid....


Even more reason to quit! I really suggest you focus on finding a paid job for yourself rather than be his unpaid secretary.


I really wasn't asking for advice on my work situation.
I appreciate it, but that's not what I'm asking help for.



Lene
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08 Jul 2011, 2:18 pm

ASimpson wrote:
I really wasn't asking for advice on my work situation.
I appreciate it, but that's not what I'm asking help for.


Ah, sorry. My bad.



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08 Jul 2011, 9:13 pm

ASimpson wrote:
I really wasn't asking for advice on my work situation.
I appreciate it, but that's not what I'm asking help for.


Lene is right here. You cannot separate your relationship and your work situation because the two things are already mixed up. Working with your husband/boyfriend is very difficult. You have to set limits. You cannot be her girlfriend at work (feel bad because the way he treates you there), or his employee at home. When my husband and I started working together we had HUGE fights because of that. He thought I should be his girlfriend all the time and that I was too hard at him, and translated that to our personal relationship. It is also hard to be togethet all the time (24/7). With time things got better (I learned not to treat him that hard and he learned not to be so sensitive), but it takes time and some people just cannot handle it. If it is affecting your relationship and you really love him you should consider the option of getting anothet job and try to save your relationship.