For those with classic autism

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It seems to me that the vast majority of posts and questions here are directed toward people with Asperger's, specifically; I kind of feel out of place by responding. Also, I don't have a lot of the same issues, because I think I'm too far into my own world to even realize they are issues. I was thinking maybe there could be a thread, a sticky perhaps, for people who have more classic autism and related issues.

Some questions...

How do you deal with people who walk up to you and start asking you questions or talking too fast to understand them or use too many words, such as sales clerks, etc?

How do you deal with the phone?

Do you have good days and bad days in terms of severity?

How do you feel about people saying that only "LFAs" or "classically autistics" or "nonverbal autistics" need a cure?

Technically, my DX is Asperger's. But I personally believe HFA is closer to the truth. Especially when I consider how my thinking was as a youth. It was definitely non verbal, and I would "translate" into words.

As for your questions, how I deal with them now is VASTLY different than when I was a teenager (that would be some 35 to 40 years ago)

Years ago I just avoided them. Today, if they are being pushy I just say "I'm not interested", or sometimes just shake my head no and keep moving.




I hate the phone. Sometimes I just want to smash it. But I just suck it up and deal with it. Smashing things is frowned upon. It's actually a little easier than face to face conversation because no eye contact is involved.




Yes. But I have always been at the HFA end of the scale so my bad days are mostly me withdrawing into a grumpy shell.



They are idiots that don't have a clue. For one thing, the very concept of "cure" is subject to so much argument that it is a pointless discussion. What each person on the spectrum NEEDS is whatever works for them. Some people are doing fine without any intervention or support. Even considering a "cure" for this group is silly. What are you curing them from? Some are labeled HFA because they can get by one their own, but are stuck in a situation with no future because while they can manage basic living, they can't interact well enough to flourish. To suggest that these people don't need a cure, or assistance or whatever you want to call it, is ridiculous. Even someone like me that is definitely HFA but also definitely impaired needs some form of treatment (therapy mostly) because in spite of my so called "genius intellect" I have managed to eke out only marginal success. My need for a "cure" falls into the realm of needing mentoring, therapy and life coach type stuff. But without that, I REALLY REALLY struggle. I can hold a job, communicate, and do all the basic living stuff but am utterly miserable because the best of me gets tangled up inside and never gets out.

Yeah. HFA's can definitely use a "cure", But that cure is different for every one of us. Sometimes it is no cure at all, it is just learning skills, compensating for deficits and capitalizing on strengths.

I'm impatient, nervous, eager to get away and give them one or two word replies to show that I'm feeling uncomfortable.


When I answer it I pick it up like it is a ticking time bomb. I hate talking on the phone so will try to get information from people and get restless if they want to talk more. Hate the phone. Sometimes when I just don't want to bother with it I'll let it ring. I've gotten better with making calls when it is desperately needed, but if I could choose, I would communicate through text.


Yeah, I can almost be catatonic. I do get temporarily paralyzed and have periods of no emotion and be able to move and when I can move my movements are labored. Sometimes, simple tasks like making food will frustrate me and I won't be able to do it. Most times when I interact with people I just feel disconnected.
If I'm not under stress or like the above then I can be more organised, say a few words to people, make my food and it seems like everything is alright. The last time I went to a concert I didn't have a meltdown, unlike the time before that. I almost did. One thing happened that almost made me act out, so it's like any bit of stress is enough to set me off.
I think I'm able to do better when I'm medicated. I'm just not as stressed out though my blood pressure is raised, so being under stress in that moment is not good.



I think it's just the way NT's are. They've got to stereotype about something. Many just don't understand how varied autism is. I can't speak for really severe autistics but it does seem like they have a much harder time. But everyone should be free to make that choice. I have such severe periods of hating my symptoms that I do wish to be cured, or simply just giving up.

I have even heard some renowned scientists say ignorant things about autism verses AS. If you don't educate yourself on autism and stick around in the community then you just won't understand. This scientist was Michio Kaku by the way. A scientist I admire greatly.

If a sales clerk comes up to me to ask me if I need help, I almost always say, "I'm just browsing." I've taught myself to say that after many attempts to figure out what would be best. That usually leads them to say, "okay, just let me know if you need anything" and then leave me alone. If they try small talk on me, it gets very awkward for both of us, as I generally do not know how to respond. It gets that way at work as well. I work a casual position as an usher the theatre at my school. It is usually very easy. I say the same thing to every person. If I am taking tickets, I tell them where their seat is and tell them no photography. If I am handing out programs, I simply say "you're welcome" after they say thank you. If one happens to come up for small talk, it gets awkward as it would with anyone who tries to strike up a conversation with me. If it is something expected, I have a script in my mind, but small talk is rarely something I am able to prepare for, and I always lose the ability to communicate properly.



Depends on the situation. I speak to my Mom fine on the phone, but I also speak fine to her in person too. Most other people, for conversational purposes, I cannot talk to. My closest friend (my only friend) lives in another country. She only ever calls me on Christmas, and she definitely does most of the talking. It is nice to hear her voice, but even though I am very close to her, I have difficulty coming up with conversation. She carries it through, and she is always the one to end the conversation because I don't know when to say goodbye. I usually dread when people call for me because I do not know how to speak, and I hate small talk (like if my coworkers call for me to take a shift or something or if a relative calls and strikes up small talk with me). Now, there are other times when I do not mind the phone. These are calls that do not include conversation or small talk but are made for a very specific purpose (ie. ordering takeout or calling to see the hours of a bank, etc). I already have in my head how the phone call will go. It is completely scripted, and does not deviate into a conversation. I don't mind these phone calls because they are not social.



Yes. Well, to an extent. I mean, I don't have VERY mild days and days were I am completely non-functional. I see myself as always severe high-functioning regardless of whether I am having a good or bad day. Still some days turn out to be worse than others (ie. meltdowns on some day for example or less verbal on other days--not that I ever have great communication skills).



I think that is extremely narrowminded. I don't think people should say that ANY of us NEED a cure. For one, I wholeheartedly believe that there is no such thing a cure for autism and that there never will be. They MAY come up with something that PREVENTS it from occurring as often as it does today, but I do not think they will be able to reconfigure the wiring of a person's brain once they are born with it. I don't believe there is a single person on the planet who does not have some purpose in life. Everyone, even the most low-functioning autistic people have something to offer in some way or another. I think people should be more open to embracing diversity. They should become less focused on a cure and more focused on inclusiveness for all people regardless of differences.

**Btw, I also agree that it would be handy to have one thread set aside for classic autism issues. While it is generally good for us to all intermingle, it is also good to have a little haven where we can specifically discuss issues more likely to pertain to us at least from a certain perspective. I personally find that, while I respect everyone here and value everyone's presence, the people I have the least in common with are: those with mild or very mild Aspergers who can pull off a somewhat NT-like existance. So in some cases it would be nice to be able to get direct feedback from people who deal with the same sorts of challenges as I do at the same level of severity as I experience them**

Even though I'm a higher-functioning Autistic, life still isn't easy.
I usually just smile at a salesperson I don't know and say"just looking around". If they are talking really fast, I plainly tell them I cannot understand them because of their fast talk. ( My own voice is SLOW, too! Been told that many times)
The way I usually deal with my home phone is to let the answering machine take the call if I don't recognize the number. I have a cell phone too, but mostly use it for texting (usually with my wife; if she doesn't leave me)
As for good days and bad days: every day (even every minute!) usually has a lot of stress included in it. I've noticed not only some meltdowns here of late, but several mental shutdowns, too, where I do not have a thought in my head! It's empty of images and words- almost too quiet...I guess I just need mental rest when that happens to me...
As far as ANY Autistic needing a cure, whether a HFA, or a LFA , I believe that would take some major brain surgery that does not exist! A total "rewiring" of an Autistics' brain! I believe we were born this way for some very good reason, and typically it's the NTs who want us cured! We need only some help along our way to live very well, so why "debrain" us?...
I believe I'll end with this: In a way a LFA is in better shape than a HFA because people expect you to "just act normal. You can do that!". It's so easy for them to tell us things like that, when we're higher functioning Autistics. They can't seem to understand that we can't just suddenly "be normal". Or "think like everybody else does!" It can get frustrating too many times....
I wanted to put in my .02 cents here.

PDD-NOS here, but these do apply to me. Actually, I think you'll find they apply to most Aspies too.

I have a bad habit of just assuming they're following scripts, so I'll follow the script even if I haven't caught what they said. So this can result in odd things like, "May I help you?" "Fine, thanks."
I'm nearly unreachable by phone and mostly communicate by e-mail. I listen to my voice mail, but I have a bad habit (ha! another one!) of only checking that every week or two.
Technically, no. It's my stress level that varies. Depending on that, I may be all the way from nearly nonverbal and can't take care of myself very well, to near-NT competence.
I feel like bashing somebody over the head.
Oh, you meant opinion-wise? Well, really, it doesn't make sense. Asperger's may be a mild disability in many cases, but it's still a disability. (Disregarding those cases without impairment for the moment. Those are not diagnosable, medically, however Aspie the neurology is.) If someone is more disabled than the average Aspie and he needs a cure, why is an Aspie who is more disabled than the average NT not need one? Why draw the line so arbitrarily? Either declare inferior all those who are disabled and not NT, or let everybody be who they are. Therapy and education is useful for the whole spectrum, not just "LFA" people. The whole spectrum needs support and assistance at some time or another. We should pull together to get these things for all of us, not try to insist that someone's either too disabled to have a right to their own brains, or else not disabled enough to have a right to services. That kind of divide-and-conquer is absolutely counterproductive.

Callista, my point was that if I can't respond to a huge number of posts around here, I wanted to have a place specifically for people who can't relate to most of what goes on. Make sense? I know people with Asperger's have similar issues, but with most of the boards devoted specifically to Asperger's, I wanted a place for those of us who don't fit in there.

Why don't you fit in here? What makes you think you would fit in better if all the posters had classic autism? All the issues you've raised sound the same as issues I have and I have AS. I don't think it's right to start splitting the forum up for different types of autism because there is too much debate about who has what type already and fights might break out because of it. We're all on the spectrum so we should all write on the same forum.

Personally, I don't think one stickied thread set aside for people with classic autism is dividing wrong planet. I guess the women's forum, the LGBT forum, the men's stickied thread, etc should all be erased as well since those are dividing men from women and separating gay people into their own forum. Obviously no one is likely to say "yes! Do away with the women's board" or "I hate that LGBT people have a place to post with other LGBT people". So why then, is it so surprising that someone wants one meazly little stickied thread for those with classic autism to intereact on while the rest of the forums are opened up for everyone?

Maybe this is difficult to understand if you are one of the one's with mild Aspergers, but those with moderate-severe classic autism do not experience the similar sorts of issues in the same ways all the time as those very mildly on the spectrum. IMO, there is nothing wrong with one thread. If the entire wrong planet decided to exclude people with Aspergers or people with classic autism, THEN there would be a problem.

Nope I haven't got mild Aspergers at all. I'm actually in a care home because I can't look after myself. So yes, despite the slight difference in diagnosis, I too have severe difficulties. I am not one of those maths genius savant types you see on the telly. All I am saying is that we shouldn't divide the autistic spectrum up because we can all help each other.

Also I don't feel like I fit in here a lot of the time either because a lot of people who are here are on the 'mild' end of AS too. I don't think a lot of people can relate to what I am going through because I have a much harder time (or so it seems) than other people with AS. Technically I would be 'classic autism' except my speech was on time so I am not. Understanding wise, I probably am.

I agree that we can all learn from each other which is why I am for an inclusive wrong planet. I also believe people can get support and comfort at times from others who know precisely where they are coming from which is why I see no problem with having ONE meazly thread designated for people with classic autism. Or perhaps a better thread would be for people with moderate to severe ASD--regardless of the individual's specific diagnostic label (since there are a few here, I think, with classic autism who are also very mild as adults). Keep in mind, this is only mention of one THREAD, not an entire board. I still fail to see how this is a big deal.

Sales people I usually tell them I am browsing, and I turn away from them. For others, I think it's my stunned expression and stuttering or lack of valid response that cues them in that they've thrown me off guard.


It depends on who is phoning. I will talk to my husband on the phone, but if he asks me any questions or if I start feeling stressed then I usually end up saying something like "bye. okay, bye..okay bye."...over and over and putting down the phone.
For others I am nearly unreachable, I have voicemail but I rarely listen to it. I will answer the phone if I have an idea of what the person is calling about, but I won't if I'm not expecting the call.
I do, but I can have good and bad moments all in one day. Some days I am unable to dress, eat, perform basic hygiene. I'm nearly nonverbal and even opening my eyes or sitting up causes me sensory overload. Other days, I'm able to pull myself together and seem nearly normal, even to myself.

In my opinion, only diseases need a cure, and autism isn't a disease. All I want is some help integrating when I need to, not when others think I should.

What about a sub-forum for people dealing with self-care, cognitive, whatever disability-related issues? Everything from "How do I deal with it if I freeze in the grocery store" to "My aide is a jackass; how do I get rid of her?" or "I keep forgetting to eat!" I don't think that these issues are exclusive to classic autism and it can be a little difficult to get discussion about these practical things in the middle of all the finer-points-of-socializing topics. In fact, I know for sure that there are Aspies who have problems with those things and who can relate to the classic autistics. Plus, there's the 60% of us who are PDD-NOS and scattered randomly all over the disability spectrum in terms of experiences and needs.

I do see your point. I really would like it if there were more talk about practical, daily-life things that don't come into the life of the stereotypical "mild Aspie" who never has to worry about whether they'll be able to get words out the next time they try. But I think you may be surprised at how much the people with the AS diagnosis can relate to the issues faced by those with a classic autism diagnosis. I did a poll a while back about the diagnosed Aspies and whether or not they qualified for a classic autism diagnosis, and 94% did.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postx165278-0-0.html

These types of things are what I really struggle with. I am a very competant caregiver to others, but I can't take care of myself. Self-care can also be a sensitive topic to talk about (at least for me), so I know that extra support with this would be great.

For example, posture is one thing that I have trouble with, but is easily forgotten about. I slouch and hunch my shoulders. If I am relaxing, I find that I am usually unconsciously situated in odd or uncomfortable ways. (Ie. sitting on the loveseat sideways with my legs out, bent forward at the waist, head on my shoulder sideways, looking at the tv screen) It's sort of silly, but I've observed that posture is very important in the NT world, and also good posture is supposed to make one feel better.

This is kind of an offtopic response, but in reality not that many people with true Aspergers actually qualify for a classic autism diagnosis (particularly since the two are mutually exclusive). Some may have been misdiagnosed as Aspies and should have been diagnosed with classic autism. Others might think they have classic autism, but they do not, and might be surprised by their scores of the ADI-R and the ADOS. Also, many might not know their childhood histories which are of more importance than current behaviours.

In terms of splitting the board, what about all the topics that specify "Aspies" or "AS" or "Asperger's" in the titles that I can't respond to? I mean, I could, but first of all, I assume if they wanted me to they would say "people on the spectrum" rather than Aspies, and second of all, most of the time, I can't relate.

For those of you who are saying people with AS have the same issues I do... well, no. I've met solidly a hundred people, maybe more, with Asperger's, and they have a lot of differences, but also some similarities. Me, I'm somewhere else. Talk of jobs, having children, being married... that's SO far off for me. I would go so far as to say impossible.

I don't know if I'd fit in where everyone had classic autism or not, because there isn't such a place. I do know that I don't fit in well here, because I simply have different (not worse, mind you, but different) issues in life. I don't worry about eye contact, "passing" for typical, work, relationships, expressing emotion, small talk... all things that are totally out of reach.

All I want is a place where I can post what's going on, and people who have similar issues can respond. It gets old muddling through posts when 85% of them don't apply. I'm far from trying to split up WrongPlanet, for goodness sakes. WrongPlanet is divided into subforums for all sorts of things; is that dividing it? Mind you, people with AS are posting in this thread, and do you see me trying to kick them out? I'm just asking for a place where I can fit in too.