Sex and intimacey (contact)

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I really dont want this to be misunderstood or for it to turn into something rude or obscene


I have been wanting to get this off my chest for a while being on here I know I am still learning about a lot of things that can effect people with Aspergers incluing other symptoms and conditions that can also be involved but I wanted to ask a sensible question that I dont want people to take offence by as its not my intention

I have a few sensory issues which cause me a few concerns, mainly whenever I get close to someone which I normally try to avoid, intimacy starts being an issue.

I dont really know how to start explaining this but I have never had any form of pleasure in any way shape or form from having skin on skin contact I dont want this to get too explicit but everything from being hugged to kissing and other intimate acts hold no pleasure at all I dont know why. I am aware of texture and pressure of being held or doing other things but there is no pleasure at all.

Again without being obscence or too personal does anyone else have this problem as it can causes huge amounts of dispair for me as it make me completely incapable of having any type of relationship due to not being able to react "normally"

I think it is important to understand that not everyone enjoys the same types or intensities of physical sensation. Further, most people's comfort level develops over time. There are activities that I enjoy today that I was not comfortable with as a young man. There are things that I still do not enjoy, but perhaps, in the future, I might be. Sexuality is not a static thing, and it is not consistent from person to person.

With that in mind, I think you have the issue backwards. The issue for you is not to be able to react "normally." Even if you were entirely typical, your sexuality and your body's responses would be different from anyone else's. So don't strive to be like everyone else, but rather learn to be comfortable in your own body, and then identify the kinds of intimacy that are compatible with that comfort. Even if they are very few, they are a start. Being alone in the company of a person is intimacy--even if no touching is involved at all. Talking is intimacy. These are all starting points for developing a healthy relationship with someone (and, frankly, after 20 years with my partner, I will tell you that being alone together and talking is far more important than sex).

Afterwards you can begin the process of extending those boundaries, and becoming comfortable with new types of intimacy. That begins on your own--before you are going to be able to communicate with a partner about what you like and what you don't, you are going to need to know those things yourself.

You will need a partner who is patient, and who wants to work with you to explore these issues slowly and carefully. That is going to require good communication on your part.

Finally, don't hesitate to discuss this with your doctor, and to get a referral to a counsellor who can help you identify strategies for extending your comfort level. This is not something you should be embarrassed about discussing with a professional--your circumstances are not unique and they are precisely the kinds of circumstances that people want to help you with.