What's the best way to approach girls?

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I've been having some troubles approaching and meeting girls the PROPER way. It can happen at volunteering, school, activities wheresoever. What I mean by "proper" is not to do things that'll make girls feel uncomfortable (such as staring, jumping and interrupting at the middle of the conversation). It seems tricky. There are times when you're near girls in school, dances, activities, and work and you seem to like them. But you want to approach them in a normal way so that they won't freak out and run away from you.
Can some experts please provide me some steps in doing this successfully??

Generally it's not a good idea to try and meet girls by just walking up to them and start chatting, even if you have great social skills. Most people meet members of the opposite sex through fortunate circumstances, by doing something where you both have similar goals in mind (ie. working together on a task), or through introductions from friends. If you really want to try out the walking-up-to-them tactic, then that's ok but don't expect to get far unless you find some common ground with the few bits of conversation you'll have to work with.

Not entirely true, dating is really a game of numbers if you were to walk up and start chatting up lets say 100 females eventually just by the rules of probablilty atleast one of them is going to reciporicate. Plus the more girls he approaches the more confidence you gain because you develop a thicker skin to rejection. Also apporaching allows to practiice your game so to speak. You can see what works and what doesn't that alone will increase your confidence.

BTW confidence is really the key when it comes to women. Not only do women want to be loved and feel special they also want o feel safe and protected in their man's embrace. Furthermore they want to bea ble to rely on them. How can a girl trust a guy with no confidence?

So keep racticing but don;t make it a focal point in your life. Things will happen when they are ready to happne. I;ve found some of the best relaitonships i've ever had have come out of nowhere.

OK. Now the thing is that I want to approach a girl in a proper, polite way. Suppose I'm at a dance and I see a few girls that I seem to like. The girls are having a conversation with each other. So I walk up to them then do what? Should I wait for them to stop talking before saying hello? Should I gently tap them in the arms and introduce myself? I'd like some good tips please.

You shouldn't interrupt in middle of their conversation. When there's a paus in the conversation, try to get a word "between" to the girl you're interested in. If she's of the slightest interest of you, she will respond by smiling a little and so to say "catch up" to your question. However, for an aspie, it's always hard to approach a girl in a group. Better try to do it when she's alone drinking tea or coffee or something. Ask if you can sit at her table. If the answer's "no", she's not interested at all. If the answer is "yes", try to ask something about her clothes, hairdress, jewelry or, if she's reading a book, if it's interesting or what's it about. You must do this very smoothly, don't say, for instance "That necklace seems to be expensive" but "Oh, what nice that necklace is made! Did you buy it in a foreign country?" This might sound stupid, but it's right of the NT's book of rules, so to speak.

But true in most cases. How many people do you know are partnered with someone they met out of the blue?

It's called cold approaching and women DO get approached "out of the blue" all the time, my sister met her current boyfriend approaching him 'out of the blue', my sister gets hit on whenever she goes out ANYWHERE, i.e. the supermarket, or where-ever she goes.

Interesting... I don't see how one could possibly strike up a conversation in the supermarket.

I think it's certainly possible for people to meet people out of the blue, but I don't think it's the best way. It's probably the worst possible way to meet someone, especially if you aren't good at social interaction.

Hint: Find the cutest dog (fluffier the better) you can borrow for the day and go walk it in a park. Very few females can resist walking up to a cute pup.

SheDevil

i'm really starting to think that girls are biologically engenieerd to pick there mates. i don't think there's a darn thing you can do to increase your chances of hooking up with a girl unless you have alot of money.

Unfortunately, I think you're right. One small comfort is that it's pretty hard for most NT men as well as for AS men to get women.

Sweet, I got a pomeranian. Too bad I doubt I'd see anybody my age at any of the nearby parks...heheh.

Thanks for the tips guys. If there are anymore posted on this thread, then I'll be glad to check em out.

One thing my dad brought up.

I was busy talking to some women I knew at my graduation ceremony in college. So apparantly, a bunch of other women started gravitating over towards it. I didn't notice, but my dad did.

So, this is probably a good way to meet women he said.


Mind you it would help if one actually noticed this.

I've chatted up women randomly at the bus stop or on the train, I dont usually make a habit of it though.

Sometimes it works good because you initiate the conversation then the girl will be a chatter box and end up doing most of the talking, sometimes though you get a shy girl who doesn't speak much either then it's real akward as you have to think of more stuff to say!

The general trick I find is to try and do it in a friendly sort of way, such 'excuse me, you wouldn't happened to have noticed whether the the 328 bus has gone by yet?'

Now this gives the girl a chance to reciprocate, if she does like you then she will probably try to make some effort to keep the conversation going, like 'no, but thats the one I'm waiting for, where are you going?'. This means she is interested and allows you to slowly find out a bit more about each other, hopefully ending with you getting a phonenumber or something by the end of it. If she isn't interested she will probably just try to end it by saying 'no, I haven't seen it' or something that like that. This at least means you can hopefully take the hint and neither party needs to feel embarassed as you were just inquiring as to whether the bus has passed yet .


to answer some of the above posts,

If you are with another group of women and it looks like you are having a good time then that sort of makes other women curious about you, it shows you aren't dangerous since there are other women happy to be close to you and it looks like you are having a good time and they want in on it, women get jealous/envious easily, so it's basically just a play on that

Further to this, if you act like you are a confident happy sort of person then people will be drawn to you. Obviously this can be a bit of a problem for an aspie, I can do this for short periods but find it too draining to keep up for longer periods most of the time. If can manage to be a funny sort of guy who can make people laugh and make them feel good with a great personality then most women find that most attractive of all. You can be rich, tall, good looking, great body, yet if you have the personality of a wet fish then the bald, short, fat bald guy will be going home with the women. Guys are mostly visually stimulated and tend to assume women are the same, but this is untrue, most (normal, sensible) women will go for personality above all else.

It's not all bad for us though, I have also found that some women are still attracted to that sort of self assurance that (some at least) aspies have. That is I dont pay much attention to trends of other silly things like that and just do what I want to do rather than what anyone else wants me to do. That sort of self determination is something NTs, especially women, crave. They are far more susceptible to peer pressure whereas we aren't and they are drawn to that because the want to be like that too.

Similar things happend to me. I had a poofter mate (gay friend) who would sometimes spot for me - tell me who was interested - since I can't read body language myself unless its really really obvious. Have you got someone that can help translate body language?