ASD and disproportionate effects of bullying

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I thought of something else that was rather unpleasent....when I was in fourth grade and I think I mentioned something to my mom about people not liking it. and she said something along the lines of 'are you sure you are not just bringing it on yourself, like I some how provoked it all well I really took it to heart and kind of thought maybe I deserved it for being such an inconsiderate, rude selfish person and somehow bringing it on myself by offending others or something.........Now of course I know I did not deserve that treatment and I really was not provoking anything that i was aware of but still.


People should be careful who they put the blame on I guess.

I've always been to blame for being bullied, still am even though I am an adult. Unfortunately, I have poor social skills since I was a young child, & no real guidance on what was or was not appropriate behavior around others. I am also to blame for that apparently (that's what my shrink said). So how does one develope social skills if they aren't automatic?

I have no idea...lol I am 21 and I still have not figured out most of it I just don't care that much anymore, If someone has a problem with me because I am not just like everyone else I try to see it as their problem, not mine. Still though I don't enjoy isolation..and why would a therapist tell you its all your fault? therapists are supposed to be supportive regardless of their personal bias.

I never would have thought that this would still affect me in my 40's, but I still feel socially excluded in my workplace. Maybe this is something that just never fully goes away.

Despite my progress socially over the years, I always find myself an easy target for bullies throughout school. And teasing, even in college. I wonder if it has to do with people being able to read my low-self esteem issues from being picked on, and that I was very quiet as a child, and knew that I was sort of defenseless against being beat up or publicly embarrassed. I was skinny, so, all of the bigger kids would have an advantage on me already. I've gotten to the point that I don't even like people saying certain words to me because I associate those words that I've heard during the worse bullying. And some of it were from my 'so-called 'friends'. And I still can be gullible about these things...
I've even heard certain people say there were going to pick on others just because they were bored? Can't you think of anything else better to do?


I know people on the ASD have trouble reading body language, but has anybody ever considered that we may have trouble reading our own body language to make it not appear as an easy target for ridicule? Granted, there are some situations that you cannot prevent, but maybe there's a way to prevent some of it?

Yeah I don't usually have much control over my body language, if I am uncomfortable I look like I am uncomfortable....but now I have kind of developed the attitude of 'Yeah I have no self esteem, when there is nothing there for you destroy what are you going to do?...its a terrible way to look at it but it throws people who bully off when you don't even try to defend yourself and just agree and don't get upset.

For instance this is kind of a insignificant example considering I do not think this was so much bullying and more of an internet flame war(I was being an anti troll...or someone who trolls trolls) anyways to some people I look more like a male then a female so a couple people started talking crap about that......like someone sarcastically asked if I was a guy or girl and I said it depends on my mood and went on to say that 'today I am male because I am dressed exactly like one, maybe I will be a girl tommorow or both the next day.' so I pretty much agreed and expressed I am fine with it well eventually most people ran out ideas for attempting to insult me because what do you do when someone is happy with what you are picking on them about.

Like I said though this is not the best example after all as it was just a silly immature internet fight that no one took very seriously.

I've actually tried that before, and it did work, to a degree. I've stated before once on WP that some random girl tried to make me look down on my shirt to see the stripes on it, and I said to her 'I know' and her friends started laughing at her. And a few other times that are a little discombobulated in my head to mention right now.
Some would still just find something wrong about me to poke fun at., especially if we have to be in the same environment practically everyday...

Well yeah it does not work every time, especially if it does upset you but you're just trying not to show it....I used to get upset if people made fun of me about how I look genderwise. But now i don't care all that much, because sometimes I feel like I should have been born male.....so yeah I feel kind of weird if I dress like an obvious female. So yeah picking on me for something that does not matter to me is kind of a fail on their part.

Ah well, Sweetleaf, she's probably an NT who hasn't a clue what it's like to live in a world that looks for oddities or weaknesses to pounce on &/or exploit. So yeah, it's my fault I get bullied. And no, it seems she has no empathy for an NT which they are supposed to have. Go figure. I will be tested late this month, & am hoping that maybe the light will come on for this particular shrink. If not, my healthcare system has a rather large revolving door, & I'll seek another. Not that it'll do any good, since none of the ones I have seen through my healthcare has been helpful at all (so far). I think they are there just to earn a paycheck.

If there's one reason why we fell so incapable it's because of the psychological effects of bullying I believe.

I hate how society defends bullying that way, its really not right......but I guess if they can put the blame on someone who cannot act like a perfectly normal NT and claim they should quit acting how they act or suffer the consequences. People call it 'survival of the fittest' but I do not think this society is a good example of this.......and putting down a certain group or individual who probably does have some useful abilities and skills because they are 'different' until that person starts feeling like crap is not survival of the fittest. I don't see how that is equivalent to certain genes being passed on, certain genes not being passed and certain species of animals dying out due to the environment for instance.

But yeah I would definatly look for a new therapist if I were you.

There is definitely some truth in what your saying. I guess some people really don't have anything better to do than to ridicule others, which a real shame....

@Gerdene
Oh yes, the bullying takes a toll on you, especially if it feels as if it's a never-ending cycle

Most social skills aren't automatic. Most of it is trial and error, and it's a constant process. The rules of socialization for someone in elementary school, someone in junior high, someone in high school, someone in university, and an adult in the workplace change as you enter each stage in development; and it's a "sink or swim" situation each time. You learn how to hold back tears (or use crying as a way to manipulate adults) in elementary school because or your peers will accuse you of "acting like a baby." Junior high school students have to deal with emotional volatility (as the result of hormones and dealing with intense emotional states for the first time) and find ways to express or hide those emotional states in a peer accepted manner (which means you can expect a lot of misdirected anger from people "hiding" their emotions). High school students are balancing the still volatile emotional states with independence and establishing an identity separate from their parents (aka teen rebellion). Post high school, people are dealing with the "cost" of independence, and the balancing act between obligation and freedom. Each phase has it's own distinct rules, and it takes time to figure out how to navigate around the social minefield in each stage.

If you're spotting "high school" behaviors as an adult (like bullying or excluding), there's one of two things happening there. Either you're projecting outdated social norms on your coworkers, or you're dealing with a coworker who's stuck in adolescence and hasn't completely transitioned to the adult world.

I don't really think bullying is just a highschool behavior, hell we have a whole economic system based on bullying more or less. Maybe there are different words for it or ways of describing it but that is what it is.

After college, I discovered a lot of adults seem to stuck in their high school ways. That seemed to be the biggest culture shock between living on campus and living in the "real world". 4 years of trying to conform to high school peer pressure is exhausting enough, anyone who continues to follow those rules beyond their secondary education is putting in way too much effort, and making their lives a lot harder than they need to be.

Is that why a lot of people who make it to high up corporate positions for instance have the bully mentality? sorry but it seems those willing to walk all over other people for their own gain with no regards to how it effects anyone else are the people who make it far in this society.....it's unfortunate but it does exist.