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Non_Passerine
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28 Jul 2011, 11:59 pm

Tonight I found out a big bombshell regarding my place in a so-called circle of "friends". I've known a lot of people in my theater group, and those that were previously in it, for a long time, up to 8 or 9 years for some people. Of course, I always knew I was on the outer edge of this social circle and was always worried about being a creeper by butting into their personal doings.

So, tonight at dinner with some people in our show, I overheard the director talk to the producer about what they're doing at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic next month. Now, the director is a genuinely nice guy who's friendly to me, and the producer is very chill too. The producer's parents are known to have gone on vacations to Florida/ Caribbean annually, and I was surprised to hear that they were taking a few of these kids with them too. It turned out that they're not just bringing that small handful, they're bringing about FIFTY PEOPLE WITH THEM to celebrate the producer's parents' 25th anniversary, including many of those that I've hung out with and spent time around over the past few years, many current cast members, MY DREAM HUSBAND AND IN-LAWS, other high school friends that have known me for years and amicable aquaintances.

I asked him, "Why the heck didn't I know about it or get the invite?!" He said that they invited only their closest friends. Well, 50 people sounds like more than just the closest friends. The parents in question have been gracious whenever I talked to them and I've known them since I was in high school. I know I don't get in contact with them all the time and that's part of my fear of creepiness. How often are family friends in contact anyway? When I told my mother about it, she said that they probably invited people by families and that they weren't friends with her. They're not only inviting parent-child families, some (unmarried) spouses are coming too. Some of these same people have taken multiple trips to Vegas together. I always wonder: How the heck do I get in on these spontaneous vacations too?

I went to Puerto Rico in January, but that's not the issue (it was for an arranged service trip with one college classmate and some other people). This was a two-ton punch in the gut for me socially. All these people I know and love going to another country together in a gorgeous location. Heartbreak. If I got invited, it would be my ultimate non-geeky fantasy. Why am I never invited on trips that aren't conferences or community service by people other than my mom? (I rarely get invited to movie theaters too and the last time it happened was last year and I had to ask my professor to delay an important paper) How do I ask to be invited on other trips with these people, like to Vegas or somewhere? How can I show that my feelings are hurt?



Chronos
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29 Jul 2011, 12:26 am

You basically have said that you keep yourself distant from social situations in this group for fear of people thinking you are a "creeper". By doing so, you have likely communicated to these people that you are not interested in a closer relationship.

The truth of the matter is, you have to get closer to people and let them know you are interested in them socially. You might be afraid to do this because you might feel you lack the skills to be able to handle such situations and that might be very true. However, the only way to acquire those skills is to work at it and put yourself in social situations.



Non_Passerine
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29 Jul 2011, 12:30 am

By that, I meant I don't like to bug them every single week about stuff, I just talk to them whenever I see them once in a while. We're all friends on Facebook and I've helped the mother on some important occasions.



Chronos
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29 Jul 2011, 2:28 am

Non_Passerine wrote:
By that, I meant I don't like to bug them every single week about stuff, I just talk to them whenever I see them once in a while. We're all friends on Facebook and I've helped the mother on some important occasions.


Talking to them once in a while when you happen to see them and being their facebook friend does not make you a close friend.



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29 Jul 2011, 7:11 am

You've got to open up to them and show them that you're interested in being part of the group.


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