In the particular instance you're talking about, I probably would take something off him and explain that he has to learn to control how he feels about that. For our 11 year old, he loses computer time because that's his special interest. I agree with not punishing meltdowns, but int the long-term kids need to learn how to process their anger, because if they don't learn to when they are younger then it just creates bigger problems when they are older. If I take something off him, I don't get mad at him myself (like I do with my other kids) - I just say very calmly that I know he finds it really hard to not get upset, but we need to work on being able to cope with those things so that when he goes to the next step up in school he won't get in trouble etc. etc.
In similar situations I try to work through with our AS son, what he needs to do to calm himself out of the outburst. When he is yelling and losing his rag about something, I usually just stand there saying, "you need to take yourself to your room and get a book out and look at it until you calm down" - I just keep saying it over and over again until he goes. Then he can go to his room, feel really mad, let it out, calm down, and he usually comes back and carries on like nothing happened. Over a period of about two years doing this, he has learnt that he doesn't get his own way all the time, and he also often takes himself off to his room voluntarily, or I only have to tell him a couple of times. He has got used to the fact that Mum and Dad don't always say "yes", and he has become a lot better coping with getting let down about things at school as well.
03 Aug 2011, 5:38 am
