Normal frequency of communicating with boyfriend/girlfriend?

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Australien
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01 Aug 2011, 5:01 pm

How frequently would typical NT couples call each other, text, Facebook chat, MSN, skype, email etc?



MountainLaurel
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01 Aug 2011, 5:30 pm

Generalization: daily or more



animalcrackers
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01 Aug 2011, 6:24 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
Generalization: daily or more


Really? 8O .....I can't stand that much interactive human contact. Would that generalization apply more or less to different stages of couple-hood, do you think?



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01 Aug 2011, 6:50 pm

With what I have observed with my NT friends boyfriends and girlfriends they communicate everyday quiet regularly in the morning before they goto work, lunch time, after work and the evening they repeat this everyday. They communicate by sms message, by ringing them or just simply writing a message on facebook chat. Personally if I had a boyfriend that rang me that much I'd go Insane I like my quiet.



MountainLaurel
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01 Aug 2011, 7:31 pm

Quote:
MountainLaurel wrote:
Generalization: daily or more


Really? .....I can't stand that much interactive human contact. Would that generalization apply more or less to different stages of couple-hood, do you think?


When I was dating my former husband, we saw eachother every day and only communicated via telephone for changed meeting arrangements. With my last boyfriend, who lived over an hour and a half drive away, we spoke at least every second day and saw eachother a minimum of one day a week.

What I see around me (my 20 something daughters and my 30 something friends) is any day they don't see eachother, they have daily conversations, at the least. Aside from the daily conversation via cell phone, they also will send short texts about some impromptu observation or incident; this is more random but I'd estimate these happen every day or two.



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01 Aug 2011, 7:41 pm

never had one, couldn't say
but I'm unusual for an Aspie as far as I can see cause I need daily contact with people I am close to if they're friends. Not family for some reason.
probably that I save Real Issues to discuss with friends
and family to have fun with
And that I have a LOT of Real Issues



MountainLaurel
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01 Aug 2011, 8:08 pm

Quote:
Would that generalization apply more or less to different stages of couple-hood, do you think?


Oops, sorry I didn't answer your exact question in my last post. And I mis-read the original post.

In my original answer of daily communication I was refering to dating couples rather than couples in general which would, of course includes married couples.

But I'd still say daily, at a minimum, not as a requirement of relationship but that's probably how much couples do contact one another. Married couples with kids tend to make a lot of contact since family life requires so much time triage; who's picking up the kids, who's dropping off the kids, when's Tommy's dental appointment, can you pick up milk on the way home....

As for married couples without kids; that depends on the couple's style; some like to touch base sometime during the working day because a short contact with the spouse is a comforting moment out of the business day. Others wait until they're headed home and usually transmit time of arrival home.

As for communication as per the stages of couplehood it seems to me that it goes like this:
- Early stage: not quite a couple yet; excited or needy individuals make a lot of contact - more than once a day - which may be viewed by the other as welcomed because they're both eager to establish a relationship or may be viewed by the other as overwhelming needyness. Busy, self assured individuals tend to keep it to daily of less.
- Early stage: both aknowledge the dating status; contact is almost daily or could be a lot more, they are happy in the new relationship and enjoy the contact
- Established couple; here is where the relationship style varies a lot as per digital contact, but usually these couples live together so have plenty of time to relate face to face



Australien
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02 Aug 2011, 5:35 am

My girlfriend and I see each other about 2-3 times a week and text each other once a day most days although we can go 2-3 days without it without anything appearing "wrong". We'll text or email more often if there is any specific thing to text about. We have been seeing each other for 5 1/2 years.



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02 Aug 2011, 9:13 am

During the school year, we live together.

Over the summer, we talk on the phone at least every other day. I'm not sure what is typical for NTs.



parrow
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02 Aug 2011, 9:43 am

Australien wrote:
How frequently would typical NT couples call each other, text, Facebook chat, MSN, skype, email etc?


For my 15yr old niece its about every 30min. She starts to freak out if it's any longer

For me after being married for nearly 20 years, if I'm going out of town for business or some other reason it's about once a week.



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02 Aug 2011, 9:55 am

Not being NT, I'm not sure on the OP's question, but I'd guess based on observation; many calls/day, and visits as often as possible.

For me (H.F.A.) and my NT wife:

Calls; never if possible... I hate phone communications.

Texts; when really necessary.

Visits (if we weren't living together, but we have lived together for 5 years); every day would be a must!

Just sitting next to each other with or without talking; 24 hours/day if possible :heart:

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02 Aug 2011, 10:10 am

NT couples tend to talk to each other every day, from what I've seen. Phone calls, texts, visits, stay-overs, etc.

However, I can go for days on end without any contact with my BF. He seems to be okay with that, I think. Or, if he had a problem, he certainly hasn't told me.


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02 Aug 2011, 11:36 am

MountainLaurel wrote:
Oops, sorry I didn't answer your exact question in my last post. And I mis-read the original post.


No worries! Thanks for all the specifics in version 2 of your answer--it made a lot of sense.

This thread has helped me put 2 of my 3 failed relationships into perspective (helped me understand what it might have been like for the other person in each of those relationships when they couldn't figure out why I didn't want to talk to them every day, and felt hurt/rejected by my need for so much alone time or "space"). It seems that making sure that you and your partner have similar needs for contact is essential for relationships to work--oddly, I'd never thought about that before.

I think I'd be okay with daily human contact if it were more like just "being around" somebody--enjoying their company without the need to talk or interact directly (i.e. each person could be doing their own thing, but in the same room--only talking or interacting if both individuals felt the need/desire to do so)...I've had close friends that were happy to just hang out by "being around", but not romantic partners.



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02 Aug 2011, 12:18 pm

My boyfriend and I don't talk terribly much. Maybe a few days a week, now that it's long distance. But I think we do have a certain understanding and neither of us can really tolerate being social all the time anyhow.


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Australien
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02 Aug 2011, 4:47 pm

One thing that might be notable is that my gf and I only SMSed or emailed once or twice a week in between seeing each other until she started SMSing me every morning, so it's now become a habit. I don't find it intrusive but I probably wouldn't have started unless she had. We will live together when our house is built but we both have hobbies that are done alone as well as common interests so it should be good.

Now, multiple phone calls per day like I see from some of my colleagues would drive me insane...