Child Abuse

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Also, I deal with the same problem with interviews that you do, and I am most definitely not a man. I think this problem has a lot more to do with how many people react to autistic people than it does with gender.

If you find women triggering because of the abuse your mother inflicted on you, there are many situations where it is appropriate to express that you'd rather deal with men. However, that doesn't mean that women are out to get you.

To the OP, I think the most important thing you can do is to keep trying to improve. I can relate too well to your story, and my experience is that you and only you can make your life better. You got dealt a bad hand, and it's hard work making it better, but it's either that or give up. To me, giving up is like letting the person who abused me win. Ironically, though, defeating the person (people really) who abused me means opening myself emotionally and changing the way I think about it so that I don't feel hatred or self-pity. It also means not directing hatred or blame at the person who did the actual abuse. Often, that person is a product of abuse or even generations of abuse, and/or is afflicted by mental illness.

I should probably explain my self-pity comment. For me, at least, it creates a vicious cycle. Whenever I feel sorry for myself, it makes me bitter and changes how I relate to others. It's natural to seek out someone to blame when you feel victimized, even if you only do it subconsciously, and this perpetuates negative interactions. Anytime you face a difficult situation or confrontation, prepare yourself by remembering that the person you are talking to has nothing to do with the person who victimized you, and try to have faith that their gender is irrelevant. I won't pretend like it's easy, though, and I think this is where many people benefit from a good therapist.

Applying to college is very informal now, and you don't have to speak to anyone in the process. I would be vague when discussing your difficulties in the application, or leave them out entirely, however, so they don't have the opportunity to discriminate. You will have female professors, TA's, and classmates though. Most colleges offer free counseling, but you might be off to a rough start. Do you have the option of seeing a personal therapist? If not, you could always try to meet with one before classes start, and explain you situation clearly so they can make accommodations. I think that finding a therapist who specializes in Asperger's or PTSD or both is a very good idea if you have the option--I would look into every way possible to make this happen. Just be sure to find a good one, either by asking people in your support group or even calling different mental health offices and asking for recommendations.


Best of luck.