Transexual/gender - Which Gender To Go By

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

LostInMyMind
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 28 Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
Location: the Kingdom of Scaldera

29 Aug 2011, 4:44 am

Just as my username suggests... I'm lost.

I'm female. For now. Physically.

I haven't even gotten NEARLY started on getting approval for hormones yet, so... which gender do I go by? For super official things, should I use my current name and gender, and for anything else, just go by male and my male name (Bryce)?



AtticusKane
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 22 Aug 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 271
Location: The American Empire

29 Aug 2011, 6:11 am

Well that would be the course to avoid conflict. Unless of course you just want to go by the gender you truly identify with on all things. Which is of course entirely unreasonable, but pretty bad-ass



techn0teen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 663

29 Aug 2011, 10:52 am

When it comes to transitioning, one needs to be very careful on how they do it. Transexual and transgendered people do not often have protection from law enforcement or the court of law. It is dangerous for your looks and voice not to match your gender identity due to people's closed mindedness/religious upbringing.

If you cannot pass as male yet, I would at least go for being genderqueer or looking like neither gender. I would train your voice to sound lower. Get rid of all your feminine clothing, get a binder, and only wear masculine clothing.

I would choose a gender neutral name like the initial of your first name. If your name was Vanessa, for example, you would be called V.



Shiyin
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 8 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

29 Aug 2011, 12:02 pm

I'd be happy to call you Bryce, regardless of your physical state. Everyone's lost in many ways, they just aren't aware of it, as you are. Knowing this gives you an advantage. You do seem to have clarity in listing your options. The next step is just thinking about what would result from each choice. For every choice there are good & bad results. Think about these and make your choice based on whatever's most important to you.

If for official things there are problems with using a name & gender they don't have in their bureaucratic system, you might choose to not to bother, or to deal with that later on if you want. These systems/other people don't determine who you are as a person, even if they have the wrong name & gender. If you really can't stand to write the wrong details, then consider whether it's worth the cost of what you'd need to do to have them corrected, or whether to do that later. It's up to you whether you want to do this or not, now or whenever you're ready. Whatever your choice, remember that it's just an impersonal system, and you can be true to yourself either way.

What's more important are people you care most about personally. It's up to you to say how you identify, name & gender, and everyone should respect that. I believe that your true name is the one that in your own private thoughts you most truly and deeply identify with, whether or not others know or respect that. The rest of it is just informing others sooner or later.

It takes a lot of guts, and both mental & emotional strength, to deal with society, including narrow-minded people, prejudice, and the ill-informed, and at the same time to stay positive and confident. These abilities will develop with practice and learning from experience. You may choose to deal with a lot at once, or just deal with the next thing you're ready for, one step at a time.

Writing everything down helps a lot to find yourself when you feel lost. Use free writing, to get all of the things on your mind written down -- don't worry if it's not organised, or how it sounds--just write everything on your mind, for yourself only. Then pick out the main points and get an overview. For decisions, list all options and the outcomes (costs & benefits) of each. Decide by comparing the costs with the benefits you've listed, depending on what's most important to you.

Best wishes Bryce.

With love,

Jim.



LostInMyMind
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 28 Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
Location: the Kingdom of Scaldera

29 Aug 2011, 2:30 pm

techn0teen wrote:
When it comes to transitioning, one needs to be very careful on how they do it. Transexual and transgendered people do not often have protection from law enforcement or the court of law. It is dangerous for your looks and voice not to match your gender identity due to people's closed mindedness/religious upbringing.

If you cannot pass as male yet, I would at least go for being genderqueer or looking like neither gender. I would train your voice to sound lower. Get rid of all your feminine clothing, get a binder, and only wear masculine clothing.

I would choose a gender neutral name like the initial of your first name. If your name was Vanessa, for example, you would be called V.


Well, my voice is already really low (i used to try to sing deep parts in songs sung by males all the time) But not all males have deep voices. I don't particularly like feminine clothing and never wear them at all anymore, never want to. Don't have money for a binder.

Plus there are girls named Bryce. Bryce Dallas Howard for one? :wink:



LostInMyMind
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 28 Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
Location: the Kingdom of Scaldera

29 Aug 2011, 2:31 pm

Shiyin wrote:
I'd be happy to call you Bryce, regardless of your physical state. Everyone's lost in many ways, they just aren't aware of it, as you are. Knowing this gives you an advantage. You do seem to have clarity in listing your options. The next step is just thinking about what would result from each choice. For every choice there are good & bad results. Think about these and make your choice based on whatever's most important to you.

If for official things there are problems with using a name & gender they don't have in their bureaucratic system, you might choose to not to bother, or to deal with that later on if you want. These systems/other people don't determine who you are as a person, even if they have the wrong name & gender. If you really can't stand to write the wrong details, then consider whether it's worth the cost of what you'd need to do to have them corrected, or whether to do that later. It's up to you whether you want to do this or not, now or whenever you're ready. Whatever your choice, remember that it's just an impersonal system, and you can be true to yourself either way.

What's more important are people you care most about personally. It's up to you to say how you identify, name & gender, and everyone should respect that. I believe that your true name is the one that in your own private thoughts you most truly and deeply identify with, whether or not others know or respect that. The rest of it is just informing others sooner or later.

It takes a lot of guts, and both mental & emotional strength, to deal with society, including narrow-minded people, prejudice, and the ill-informed, and at the same time to stay positive and confident. These abilities will develop with practice and learning from experience. You may choose to deal with a lot at once, or just deal with the next thing you're ready for, one step at a time.

Writing everything down helps a lot to find yourself when you feel lost. Use free writing, to get all of the things on your mind written down -- don't worry if it's not organised, or how it sounds--just write everything on your mind, for yourself only. Then pick out the main points and get an overview. For decisions, list all options and the outcomes (costs & benefits) of each. Decide by comparing the costs with the benefits you've listed, depending on what's most important to you.

Best wishes Bryce.

With love,

Jim.


That was the best post to wake up to ever. Thank you. :D