Why do my so-called "friends" just start ignoring

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Lately I have been noticing this. I have done nothing wrong to piss them off or make them not want to hangout with me and yet about 4 different people I know in just the past few weeks have been completely avoiding me like the plague. They never answer my calls, return my voice mails, respond to my text messages or emails...what gives? Do any other Aspies on here deal with this often? Many of these people doing this to me are people I have grown up with so its not like they are new friends. This is what really bothers me about life. It seems like sometimes there is no real reason for someone to just decide ok I'm just going to start ignoring this person just because...wtf? I know it is not just because they are busy because I have been trying to contact these people for a few weeks now. I know they are intentionally avoiding me, which is messed up. Anyway, anybody else on here experience this before and does being an Aspie cause people to just not really enjoy being around you?

I have got this before with friends. ''Maybe they are busy'' is not an excuse, because even when I've been busy and stressed about things before, I've still answered texts if my friends have been trying to keep in contact with me. I think it's rude not to, especially after a few weeks. A text doesn't take 10 seconds to do, and everybody's got 10 seconds free out of their day, surely! .
I try not to always take the NTs side, because it makes me feel like we're always in the wrong and the ''dear NTs'' can't do no wrong, when that is BS. NTs may be better interacters than someone on the spectrum, but that doesn't mean they're doing it right all the time. You are being the right one in this situation because you are caring about them and wanting to keep in touch, while they're being ignorant and probably ''can't be bothered'' to answer your calls until they're ready. I have had this before with friends. But I think NTs do it to eachother when they want, it doesn't always necessarily just happen to Aspies, but it is commonly known to frequently happen to us. I don't know what I'm doing wrong when I communicate, but there must be something to frighten people off. At the moment I've met some nice friends who like to stay in touch and meet up with me every now and then, which is nice.

I don't see why these people have to not contact you back though, after knowing you at school or whatever. But people come and go in and out your life. It's happened to me. There is only one friend who I speak to who I went to school with. All the others in my class I haven't seen since the last time I walked out of the school gates (which was now 5 years ago). Like I said, people come and go. It's a sad world really.

When people get older, their social circles become narrower. Their closest friends tend to stick around and other people seem to drift away...and often the closest ones can drift away and get exchanged for one who are better friends and are better suited to each person. I have experienced this between NTs in a few of my friendship circles...and it is so hard not to take it personally for *anyone*. NTs have a lot of trouble dealing with this too...in one of my circles, fights were breaking out between a few people as they were having trouble keeping in touch and were questioning each other's committment.

You may have grown up with these people, but since you aren't in their inner circles, you are now off their radars and are considered less important than the people who have taken time to develop a solid friendship with them, or they have found more suitable friends.

Sometimes, people just wind up becoming busier and preoccupied with things such as work or school, and may not necessarily have time to contact a wide range of people, even though they still care about them so some extent.

I feel your frustration. I am experiencing the above scenario right now and it gets on my nerves. Many of my closest friends have moved away, and many of the people I am acquianted with left are incompatible with me friendship-wise. Neither of us doing anything wrong, it's just human nature to become more selective about who you hang around with as time goes on.

One of my (former) closest friends and I would talk on the phone all the time. It was great fun. Then all of a sudden, five minutes into every conversation, she would pretend that someone else was calling her, and hang up. I know it's not impossible... she does get a lot of people calling her every day, but every single time? And so soon after the convo starts?

Assuming she was telling the truth the whole time, I am sort of hurt that I was never, ever the "better" choice. The person who she lets the other caller go in order to talk to. This happens to me with pretty much everyone. I'm always the semi-unwelcome outlier.

One annoying thing about NTs is that often, when a specific behavior of yours is bothering them, they won't tell you about it - they'll just start avoiding you. The best solution I've found to that is to ask the person point-blank if you did something to offend them, although even then they won't always tell you.

Oh yes, that is probably the single most frustrating thing about NTs. And even aspies sometimes. Just people in general assume that giving you vital feedback is worse than dropping contact without explanation. Maybe it's better for them... they don't have to deal with your reaction, which might distress them, and instead they just have to find new people to hang out with.

I've been guilty of it myself. When I'm at a loss to fully understand in detail what they're doing that's bothering me and what they should be (and are capable of) doing differently, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to explain it to where they can understand it. So I'd rather avoid the situation and the person than try and fail to get my point across. When really, if I try and fail, what's the worst that can happen? I have to stop hanging out with them? That's what I'm doing anyway by chickening out, and all I'm avoiding is some circular conversations and various noises that really shouldn't be that big a deal.

I get this where I live and honestly for months I felt tormented. Where I live it is almost like a co-op in the since that there are two rows of apts with ONE sidewalk between the two...both sides have balconies & gates facing the center...everyone walks through the middle sidewalk to go everywhere, pools, tennis, etc...and thus you see people all the time walking in front o your apt...I become friends with someone and all of a sudden, they hardly talk to me...it drove me nuts...I was getting very depressed...finally I realized that I don't need any of them. Mind you, it's still difficult, but I focus on my husband and on my online work (squidoo pages, zazzle, etc...) and just put my mind to work instead of worrying about people.

I am sorry you are going through this...not sure what the heck is wrong with people.

Why do friends suddenly start ignoring you?

Many reasons.

• Girls. Some guys forget all about the buddies they used to hang out with once they get their first whiff of estrogen.
  
• Hobbies. Sometimes, a hobby will take up so much of a person's time that he or she has no more time for friends.
  
• Work. Someone gets a job, and that's it. No more hanging out.
  
• Health. People get sick, or someone else in their lives gets sick and needs special care.
  
• Maturity. Sooner or later, some guys grow out of hanging out to play video games, watch TV, and tell fart jokes.
  
• You. After a while, people do get tired of whining, complaining, and general riffing on the same old topics.

My counselor used to tell me that the most common factor in all of my broken relationships was me. This was a little hard to believe, because I always thought that I was a nice and interesting guy - it turns out that I was wrong on both counts.

You mean you're actually a mean person, Fnord? That sounds unlikely.

Fnord, you are probably the most blunt person on all of WP. Personally, I find it to be quite funny, as I hate it when people sugar coat what they really want to say. But, many people do probably see it as rudeness.

I can see it.

Aspies I speak to you on this:

I've had a hard time believing my friends actually liked me. I always had a disbelief about it, until I finally realized that real friends do not only like you, but they love you, and you can feel comfortable around them to let your guard down and just enjoy the moment.

The thing is, and I think this is true for many people, but especially AS types, is during that time spent with friends we're so wrapped up in our own thoughts or whatnot that we don't appreciate the short and precious time spent with good friends, and we tend to take that time and attention for granted, it's kind of hard to describe, but my experience was I just didn't "feel" it so it wasn't real to me on some level, and I know this is an aspie thing.

People do have lives, and sometimes when they don't text or call you back they are busy with something. I've had to learn to prioritize like that. Sometimes i don't get back to friends requests now until it's too late, and I know they don't take it personally.

I think Fnord is right on some of his bullet points there, but it goes deeper also. Patience with your friends is also important, there are times I spend a good evening with some good friends and enjoy a good dinner and maybe a movie, and I love it when it happens. Sometimes I initiate the request, sometimes they do, and I'm patient with however long it takes to get a reply and sometimes set up a date/time. Sometimes I wait a little longer, other times it happens more frequently.

And NT's think differently. The "I just don't get it" part of relationships will always be with you on some level, but maybe this thread will help.

I think it's much easier to say that NTs are just confusing complicated creatures. I've given up caring about the friend thing really, I'm always there for them, sure, just I don't set any expectations for them whatsoever because whenever you expect something from an NT there isn't always a promise that they will deliver.