Reading body language

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Many aspie males seem to have a hard time reading the subtle hints of body language, facial expression etc. I've found a great page that writes things out and gives EXACT descriptions on body language when someone shows interest. Anyways, take a look

http://www.becomeaplayer.com/bodylanguage.htm

STEP 1 : Understanding Body Language
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Did you know that most of the communication that goes on between two people is non-verbal?

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It's true! Regardless of the fact that most of us don't even know it, and even more of us can't pick up on it... we are constantly using our bodies to send signs to each other. These signs show what we are TRULY feeling at the time, and is our body's way of subconsciously saying the things that we are thinking but never say. Have you ever wanted to read another person's mind? Well, reading body language is the only technique known to man that can actually tell you exactly how other's are feeling... and in your case, how a particular woman feels about you.

Now that you understand how body language works, the next step is to learn how to read these signs so you can "translate" them, which brings us to the fine art of reading body language...

STEP 2 : Reading Body Language

The art of body language is a vast subject worthy of it's own website, so I will only be able to scratch the surface in this guide, if you are looking for an in-depth view on body language please refer to the resources at the bottom of this page. However, it is only necessary for a player to have a basic understanding of body language in order to get the results that you are looking for!

Body language consists of two basic types of gestures: open gestures and closed gestures. Open gestures are displayed when the woman is interested in or attracted to the person presented to her, while closed gestures are displayed when she is not.

Becoming a master of body language is the ability to read these signs and use them to your advantage. You must understand that many things can effect a persons body language. For example, if a woman is having a bad day, she may display closed gestures while she is actually attracted to you. Also keep in mind that many shy people automatically put up a barrier between you and them by displaying closed gestures, and our ability to break down these barriers by changing a woman's closed gestures into open gestures is what separates us players from the rest.

Now you know what body language is, and that everyone has the ability to affect and change someone else's body language from negative to positive by simply warming up to them (macking). It's time to learn what these gestures are so you can identify and use them successfully during your encounters with women...


The Open Gestures


You give me butterflies!

Once you make eye contact with a woman, watch her for a few seconds after she looks away. If she does something that implies that she has become nervous due to you making eye contact, this means that she is interested in or attracted to you. For instance, she will play with her hair, adjust her clothing or jewelry, or fiddle with something in her hands.



"read" her palms


She will expose her wrists and palms of her hands only to people she is interested in. This is a subconscious display of being submissive to you, in which her body is saying "If you want me, you can have me".



Locked on target

Her shoulder orientation is one of the most obvious signs of attraction. Her upper body will be facing you if she is interested, in essence, she points her shoulders at what she wants.



The lean

Leaning foward is also an easy sign to pick up. If her shoulders point at you and she is leaning towards you, then you can put your mind at ease, it's yours for the taking.



You coming in or what?

When her legs or feet are widened this means she is very comfortable with her surroundings and with you.



Eyes are not just decoration

Her pupils will dialate (get bigger) while looking at a person she likes, and will get smaller while looking at a person she does not. Keep in mind that lighting can greatly effect this. For instance, if you are outside when the sun is present, her pupils may appear to be very small no matter how much she likes you, and vice versa. The best method to use for testing this is when you can view the change in her pupils when looking at you and then at someone else.



Say "cheese"

This is a no-brainer. If she smiles at you when you make eye contact, get over there and talk to her.



When did I become funny?

One of the best signs you can hope for is when she will laugh at just about every slick thing you try to say. You may begin to think that you might actually be pretty funny... but your wrong, she just likes you alot and that's even better!



As good as gold

If she touches you multiple times while she is talking, for instance, tapping you on the forearm when trying to make a point, remember to tell her what you like for breakfast so she knows what to cook in the morning.



You must do your duty

She will make eye contact with you and hold it for a longer than usual period of time, almost uncomfortably long. Before looking away, remember to smile at her. This will let her know that you are interested and are a nice guy. Following this, you may also notice her glance at you occasionally. After the second or third look it should become obvious to you that she wants you to talk to her, so it is your duty as a player to give her what she wants



The flip

If you notice a woman flip her hair and immediately afterward glaces your way, she is showing her interest in you and trying to get your attention focused on her by catching your eye.



The Closed Gestures

It's about time to "roll" on out

Whenever a woman that you are macking on rolls her eyes it means that she is embarrassed by your presence... and is attempting to display to everyone else that she is not interested in you. If this happens to you turn around and walk away, you have little (if any) chance of getting with her.



X does not mark the spot

Crossing her arms is a tell-tale sign that she is either agitated, nervous, uncomfortable, or just does not like you. It's time to change your strategy, and quick.



The great wall of vagina

Crossing her legs is just as bad as crossing her arms, but can be worse because once her legs are crossed, she will most likely cross her arms also. However, if her legs are crossed and pointing towards you (knee points toward you), this means that she is nervous, but has interest in you. On the other hand, if her knee points away, your in trouble.



Just... get away

The "lean back" is the most dreaded sign in all of body language. If she is leaning away from you, and it is very noticeable, my advice is to forget her and move on to your next prospect. Only a very experienced player can warm up to a woman after noticing this type of behavior, but if you think you've got the skills... give it a try, you've got nothing to lose.



Body Language Tricks

You copycat!

Here is a fun trick to use when you want to find out if a woman is checking you out. Look at your watch, count to 3, then look at her. If she looks at her watch also, then she was checking you out. It is a natural human reaction to mimic the actions of someone that you are interested in. By looking at your watch, you will spark her curiosity and she will be wondering what you are waiting for, and with no other source to gather information from, she will look at her own watch to try to at least determine the time of your expected event.

Here I decided to type this all from a book I own. This should help you cats out a lot.

This comes from the book "Body Language Secrets" by R. Don Steele




Gestures that liars use

Speak no evil Touches mouth
See no evil Touches eye
Hear no evil Touches ear
Feel no evil Ungrounded feet


Signs to approach a woman or not from acroos the room

I'm INTERESTED/ DON'T BOTHER ME

Sidelong glance(s)/ Never sneaks a peek
Looks at you a few times/ Fleeting eye contact
Holds your gaze briefly/ Looks away quickly
Downcast eyes, then away/ Looks away, eyes level
Posture changes to alert/ Posture unchanged
Preens, adjusts hair, attire/ Does no preening
Turns body towards you/ Turns body away
Tilts head/ Heads remains vertical
Narrows eyes slighty/ Eyes remain vertical
Twists, tugs at ring(She is not Shows ring-back of hand
signaling you. It's an attempt (flashing ring)
to lay aside the commitment while she
courts you.)
Smiles/ Neutral, polite face
Matches your posture/ Posture unchanged
Eyes sparkle/ Normal or dull eyes
Licks her lips/ Keeps mouth closed
Moves hand to her hip/ Posture unchanged
Thusts breasts/ Sags to de-emphasize breasts


First coversation signals

KEEP TALKING/ MOVE ON

Alert, energetic/ Tense, restless
Pupils dialated/ Normal or small pupils
Gradually opens posture/ Posture remains closed
Lowers drink/ Keeps drink chest high
Touches self gently/ Grips or pinches self
Caresses objects/ Squeezes, taps objects
Crosses and uncrosses legs/ Legs remain closed
Flashes of palm/ Back of hand gestures
Crossed legs steady/ Swings crossed legs
Dangles shoe on toe/ Keeps shoe on
Hands never touch face/ Touches face
Touches you for any reason/ Never touches you
Feet firmly on floor/ Feet on edges or toes
Loosens anything/ Tightens anything
Leans forward/ Leans away
Steady hands, feet/ Tapping, drumming


Subesequent Conversations(Note: Use the 3 minute macking rule stated by Tariq Nasheed.
If the convo isn't going good and no signs of interest and 3 minutes pass, MOVE ON!!)

YOU'RE DOING GREAT/ ONLY BEING POLITE

Keeps eyes on you/ Looks around room
Head tilts farther/ Head only slighty tilted
Smiles broadly and often/ Smiles slighty
Hands open, relaxed/ Hands closed
Puts anything in mouth/ Nothing goes in mouth
Posture changes to yours/ Maintains posture
Turns body toward you/ Keeps body facing away
Sucks straw, looks at you/ Looks away and drinks
Removes eyeglasses/ Put on eyeglasses


You're coming on TOO strong

Averts her eyes Looks around room
Nervous smile Touches her face or head
Leans or backs away Turns front of body away
Touches throat, necklace Picks at hand or finger
Moves head to vertical Hands begin to clench, grip
Begins to fidget Raises drink in front of her


That's enough, go away!

Looks away often Shifts posture, turns away
Becomes tense Stops smiling, starts frowning
Brushes imaginary lint Sits up straight
Crosses arms, legs Picks up drink
Locks ankles under chair Hands close, clench
Drums fingers, swings leg, taps foot


Communicate the RIGHT attitude without words.

SLIGHTY ALOOF/ HIGHLY INTERESTED

Sometimes open posture/ All openness
Usually body angled away/ Body facing her
Rarely lean towrd her/ Always lean toward her
Neutral or pleasant face/ Moderately serious
Preen now and again/ Preen often
Relaxed posture/ Erect, ready posture
Rarely touch her/ Touch as often as possible
Polite smiles/ Broad smiles
Occasional, intense eye contact/ Look her in the eyes
Caress yourself once/ Caress yourself regularly
Hold your glass steady/ Finger glass sensually


Signs of Boredom

Looking At wristwatch Doodling
Asking what time it is Drumming Fingertips
Tapping foot Swinging Leg
Blank Stare Head In Head
Drooped eyelids Hand on side of face or head


Signs of superiority and arrogance

Steepling Looking down one's nose
Nose in the air Peering over one's glasses
Hands behind back Feet on desk or coffee table
Hands on back of head Examines one's cuticles
Arms crossed on chest Patronizing compliments
Fatherly pats Snorting through nose





Hope this helps ya'll out.

All of this sounds rediculaous to me, especially that palm thing. Are you sure about this?

Definately sounds crazy, but it's pretty much all true.

I suggest trying to memorise as many of these as possible and going somewhere public and observing, even better try it out yourself.

I remember reading my first body language book years ago (saying much the same things) thinking, 'yeah right' but then I started noticing it everywhere.

I still remember the first time I employed these new found 'skills'. I saw this hot girl walk past at the train station going to University, she gave me some extra eye contact that I noticed. I then saw her at the bus stop mins later and made some lame reason to talk to her about some assignment (we were same class) and man, it was like she was into every word I said (I was talking crap really, I was nervous), her body language was all looking good, facing me, open gestures, dilated pupils (her eyes looked huge! ) and then she just reached over and touched me on the arm, nothing major, you'd barely notice normally, I doubt she even realised herself. I've even had it happen before with women but never noticed much, in fact I always found it slightly annoying, why are they touching me I thought? But this time, from reading the book, I realised, when she touched me it was like a lightning bolt had hit me, 'man', I thought, 'she is MAJORLY into me', I probably could have had her right there and then if I had wanted to! .

But yeah guys, let me tell you, memorise this stuff, print it out stick it on the back of your toilet door to read or whatever until you know most of it by heart. You'll start noticing it EVERYWHERE I tell you, even on TV and movies, watch how the characters react and stuff, it's suddenly so obvious. Even if you dont have the balls to follow it up at first, it's fun just to observe, even watch how girls react to you, most people don't even realise they are doing it.

There is one major problem for the aspie though, it takes up a lot of our brain power to interpret this body language, it also takes up a lot of our brain power to hold a reasonable conversation. NT's will usually be able to do one or the other subconciously so it's a bit easier for them, they can talk without thinking and spend brain power on interpretting the body language if they are aware of it, but we aspies have a double load to process. We can see the signals from across the room easily enough, but get to conversation and your brain reaches melt down, do you read body langauge or do you think of what to say? It's quite hard to read body language and talk at the same time. I have found myself accidently reading body language when I should have been answering a question, there I am standing saying nothing and just staring at the poor girl for a short while (well a few seconds too long anyway) without actually saying anything. It was funny though, I can see her pupils dilate, her mouth stop moving, her smiling, then she's getting a slightly uncomfortable, nervous look on her face, hmm I think, what's changed? oh crap I was supposed to say something there wasn't I? DOH! you IDIOT!

I'm such a moron sometimes, that's why I emphasize that you have to KNOW this stuff, it must come without thinking too much, but it's better if you can preprepare some sort of banal conversation without thinking to keep you going

Oh and one final point that the above doesn't cover, body language varies from culture to culture as you can imagine. I can't even begin to cover that minefield though, all I can say is do your research before flirting with a girl from another culture or you could get it very, very wrong.

I notice your in London. Will these still work in the US?

I notice when people smile flirtatiously, I know they're smiling flirtatiously, and I love it (if the people in question are those I actually like, you understand)

holy crap. ma_137 you are my hero. This just happens to be exactly what I was looking for. No sarcasm at all. This is awesome. *prints it out and memorizes it*

Thanks a million.

~Chris