I have decided

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Someone you have to fight to keep is not someone that's worth your time.

The story of my life only it involves more then just friendships and relationships. Thats why I am questioning whether it's worth continueing in this all in all miserable self centered cut throat world.....

I don't agree with that because there are some people who I have asked to join this forum that have not joined yet.

I agree.

hahahahahahaha

It's true!

The people who I am talking about are just great!

i like you're title

You must like Bob Barker and Rich Fields!

I do too!

I don't blame them

I think it is good to make a reasonable amount of effort to get or keep the person you want, but beyond that, well, er, beyond a reasonable effort it becomes an unreasonable effort, obviously.

And with the number of people in the world, really it is just easier and sensible to switch to pursuing someone else who does not require an unreasonable effort. Why make things more difficult than they need to be?

And if anyone thinks "he/she is my one and only true love, my soulmate", they need a good kick in the crotch, because that sort of thinking is absolute crap. The fact is, considering the huge population of Earth, for any person there are MANY suitable/compatible/desirable potential partners.

And regardless of how much you love a person, there are always other people in the world you could potentially love just as much.

They are all decent, and I want them to understand AS so that they can get an idea of who I am and the fact that I have social difficulties.

Why shouldn't they join this forum?

Yes, it is possible to find a new love. But you won't love the new person in exactly the same way. Your new love might be better, expecially in light of lessons learned. But you still mourn the loss of the particular person you are no longer in relationship with. People are not interchangeable, at least not for those of us with feelings.

If you want to make someone feel better it is far more useful to validate their feelings rather than implicitly or explicitly point out the illogic of their emotions. I can empathize with hale-bopp. Some guy comes along, says he cares, you invest emotion and care for that person. Then he leaves in such a way as to reveal that his love was not true and that the time you spent and care that you gave was wasted on someone who did not have the depth to return true feelings. It's an empty feeling really hurts.

The so-called sexual revolution has made it seem okay for people to do whatever they want in a relationship, then take off as soon as there are any issues that come up. Many people take advantage and don't stick around to work through things and reach a mature level of understanding.

The other thing that hale_bopp seems to imply with her words is that she feels that she has some behavioral problems that might have driven him away. She suggests he "moved on to bigger and better things." She has regrets or has a sense that he didn't think she was worthy of his love. It seems you feel rejected, hale-bopp. I know how you feel, I'm feeling like that myself at the moment. But you know, people often can't continue in a relationship because they have issues that have nothing to do with us.

We think it is something we said or did and then it often comes to pass that the reason that person left has nothing to do with the way we are. For example, I am a difficult, demanding woman in a relationship. And I'm damn proud of it. I might have driven some people away with my behavior, but at least I've stood up for myself when it was called for. If that's too hard for some people to handle, I'm sorry, but that's part of the love I have to give. I expect that when people say they love me that it means something. It means they have commitment enough to stay and deal with issues, not run off when I have difficult thoughts and feelings that are part of being a whole person.

So, hale_bopp, I don't think he would be capable of moving on to "better things" if he has run off without trying to work things out and is still the same shmuck that hurt you.

Are you talking to me? I did not say that hale_bopp's statement here is illogical. If anything, I was agreeing with her statement here.

Last edited by emp on 15 Sep 2006, 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

I also agree with hale_bopp.

I was not talking to you specifically. The subject seemed to have turned to what words make a person feel better. You were pointing out the rubbish of using cliches to try to make someone feel better. I am pointing out the importance of validating emotions. Because when it comes to the issue of what words can help someone feel better, well telling them the equivalent of "there are more fish in the sea" doesn't cut it.

Last edited by anandamide on 15 Sep 2006, 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

anandamide -- I think we are going off-topic. This thread does not appear to be about ways to make people feel better. But since you raised it, generally speaking, the most effective way to make people feel better in the short-term is to lie to them and tell them misleading, inaccurate, untruthful feel-good rubbish.

OK you are mixing this thread up with another thread. They are 2 separate topics.

Do you have a particular person in mind?
Unrequited love hurts