My gripes at ASpartners

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http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspartne ... sg=11366.1

Ok ladies, I'm going to respond to some of your gripes. I'm going to pretend I am your husband and you're my wife. First, I do love you with all of my heart. Here are my responses.

You state that I am disinterested in the affairs of the household and in family life. You state I leave you to do all of the work and the planning.

a. When we got engaged and got married we never discussed who was supposed to be responsible for what in the household. None of this was ever detailed out or discussed. I was under the impression we would eventually discuss all of this. Any time I try to discuss this it was brushed off.

b. For whatever reason you my dear wife like to do 20-30 tasks or chores in the shortest time frame possible. I find it much easier to do the inverse and that is I spend a lot of time doing chores to make sure they were done correctly. I would rather spend more time on a chore and do it correctly. When I try to do it to your style I'm exhausted by the time I reach the 3rd - 4th task. The thing is there is no way to check to see if the tasks or chores are done correctly with your style.

c. Another thing, I don't know how to coordinate myself with you in any way, shape or form.


Dear, you state that I am combative and argumentative.

a. Most of the time I'm not trying to argue with you I am trying to understand where you are coming from. There are times I do not.

b. When you suggest things, I automatically see flaws or things that could go wrong. Here is the thing. Everytime I try to point that out you always seem to get upset and ask me why I'm always negative. No dear, this is a part of my inability of not being abile to coordinate myself with you. I could probably implement a solution but you may not like it. You wonder why I can't problem solve. This is why. I know what works for me but I would not know what works for you. By the way, what is problem solving? This is just another buzz word that means nothing to me just the the phrase "positive attitude." If there is a correct solution to a problem then why do I need to solve the problem again. If you have the solution in mind then why are you making me come up with the solution that you have came to? Are you saying that I'm not allowed to point out problems or flaws at all when you say I have a negative attitude? If this is a yes then how does anything get solved whatsoever? By the description of your marriages, they do not.

Reading that forum makes me never want to date a nt and glad I barely go out and I'm not looking for a partner. They would want too much that I can't give. It's like if they got with a person in a wheelchair and got mad because they don't go for walks with them.

The more I read that site the more it seems like it's filled with angry women married to men with asperger's and they expect them to "just act normal" and are angry that they aren't.

I haven't seen any men posting about their wife with asperger's.

Is this a forum for NTs to b***h about their aspie partners? Or for AS people?

*wonders if letting NT-ish hubby let off steam there and get input from others with AS spouses might give him some understanding and stop bitching at me*

~Kate

"Is this a forum for NTs to b***h about their aspie partners? Or for AS people?"

From what I've been reading it is primarily for women to complain about the husband who has asperger's and say he abuses them and that they can't take it any more and are leaving/have left.

I've seen few if any AS people posting there.

Reading that really puts me off the idea of ever dating again, not that I was planning to.

I'd definitely avoid those forums. I'm just reading them tonight for the lulz and to be shocked at how horrible these people are and after today I'll never go back.

I just read this on their forums.

"I believe that once you have been posting for a bit - and seem real ( vs. an ASPI trying to pretend..) The moderator approves you to enter the private folders."

If post say the awful things I read on the public forums imagine how bad it must be in the private ones.

The vast majority of the people there don't seem to get it at all. They seem to think anything their partner does is abuse and on purpose and don't understand that they are different and don't think like them or understand things the same way.

i read it and it is exactly as you said. it just disgusts me. i too feel like it is hopeless to date NTs after reading.

I was confused for this whole thread, thinking that everyone was talking about WP instead of this other forum. Cuz women sometimes b***h about their husbands on WP too, and most of the time, I cannot figure out why they are posting here at all. Some of the threads are like, "I have just realized that my husband has AS, so I now know that he will never be able to change, and knowing this, I know that I cannot be with him anymore, so I have decided to divorce him, and I am reporting my decision to this forum for (Mystery Reason(s) = Truly a PUZZLE)..."