Hi! I'm for-real awkward, not Zooey Deschanel "awkward.

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Dodecahedron
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10 Oct 2011, 10:55 am

Hey! Well, I'm a college student. I don't really know if I have Asperger's or not. I score high on quizzes for personality traits, but I took a quiz where I was given faces and asked to describe the emotion and I scored about as well on that as the average person does. I really made friends pretty easily in elementary school and did a lot of cooperative pretend play, but I feel like I have many more of the traits now that I'm an adult. Anyway I went to therapy last year because of an abusive relationship I had in middle school and my therapist told me it might have been because of Asperger's. I had a lot more trouble than my friends did with harassment and being unsure whether people were joking or not. I also feel very uneasy about not knowing whether I'm annoying my professors with my obsessive interest in their subjects. I've basically been obsessed with literature since I can remember and I usually can't really talk about anything else. But now that my literature classes require me to participate in discussion instead of write about the books, I'm having trouble even making myself go to class and when I do go I spend the whole time doing math problems. I know special interests can change and I wonder if that's what's happening to me, although I still really like reading. I do feel like when I read I tend to focus on sounds and abstract themes and not on characters' motivations and feelings.

Anyway if I do have Asperger's I'm not sure where I am on the spectrum. Everyone thinks I'm normal, but I do have a lot of problems in school because of my uncertainty about relationships--I used to be a really good student and I got a 2400 on my SAT but now I have trouble passing my classes. I feel really uncomfortable in class because I don't like being in large groups of people or talking. The weird thing is it's okay for about a week and then I can't do it anymore. I haven't had a boyfriend in over five years and I don't have many friends. I can be charismatic if I make myself, but usually when people come over I run upstairs and hide. I can't even really handle facebook and in high school I skipped lunch because I hated how loud the cafeteria was. I'm almost really sensitive to being touched, I consider the way most people close doors slamming them, and when I'm in a room by myself I'll turn the lights off. But I almost never say critical things even if they're honest. I once had a friend who told me that when I don't talk, I don't talk enough, and when I talk, I talk too much, which I guess sums me up pretty well...

I don't really want to try to get a diagnosis because I think it'd be a lot of hassle and I still wouldn't really be sure. I guess I just thought I'd introduce myself and hang around here some. Does anybody else have any similar experiences with the traits coming out more as they get older, maybe in response to bad relationships?



Princess78
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10 Oct 2011, 11:56 am

Hi! Let me be the first to welcome you to Wrong Planet! I think I can relate to some of your problems. I didn't have a good time in school, either. I had to have extra help with my classes, and the kids made fun of me. :( I had to take extra classes in addition to my regular ones, like Occupational Therapy and Adaptive PE to help me with my coordination. In college, I had tutoring with my difficult classes, plus I had special accomodations to take my tests -- a quiet room, use of a computer, extra time, etc. I now have a Bachelor's Degree in Sociolgy and graduated with honors. :D I also have a very nice boyfriend. :D He has Asperger's, just like me. Unfortunately, I still have trouble making friends, and finding a job is hard. :( Life has its ups and downs. But you are young and still have a long way to go. If you aren't sure if you have Asperger's, get diagnosed. It's better to be sure, than to always wonder about it.



Dodecahedron
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10 Oct 2011, 12:47 pm

Thanks! I am sorry to hear you had a hard time in school. I have pretty bad coordination too--I've had people ask me why I was walking with a limp when I was just walking normally, and it took me a very long time to learn to tie my shoes as a kid. It would be really nice to get help with school but I don't know if that's possible since there's not anything obviously different about me. But I guess it couldn't hurt to try to get a diagnosis. Thanks for the advice. Congratulations on graduating with honors! :D



AnonymousAnonymous
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10 Oct 2011, 7:30 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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richie
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10 Oct 2011, 8:02 pm

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To WrongPlanet!! !Image


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Princess78
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11 Oct 2011, 11:54 am

Thanks, Dodecahedron!



CockneyRebel
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12 Oct 2011, 11:40 pm

Welkome to WP!

Mick :)


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RevolutionWaver
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16 Oct 2011, 10:23 am

Ok, when I saw the name of this thread, I had to read it!
I relate to you in a lot of those aspects. The adults around me say I'm pretty extroverted, but I don't feel I am. I also had trouble with my shoes until a couple of years ago (I'm 13), and I feel self-concious about annoying my teachers, especially my history and English teacher. What type of lit do you enjoy? I personally enjoy Victorian poetry, dystopian novels, beat/beat-inspired lit, music history, biographies and some horror. However, besides lit, one subject I LOVE is music. However, I have always found it difficult to explain to NT's. Because NT's just listen to music as background, and aren't interested in how it was made or the different parts and sound-textures. And it doesn't help that I can't stand jam bands or pop, which are the two big things in Sonoma County. The sad thing is, is if I want a radio station changed, I just start talking about the music played :P



Nikadee43
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16 Oct 2011, 6:22 pm

Hey. I just joined myself (today actually). I made an introductory post, and it's pretty long, and I didn't even let myself put all my thoughts in it. But some of the things you've said I can understand. Especially with symptoms coming out as you get older. I think I displayed symptoms somewhat subtly as a kid, but have never recognized them until now. And now I think those symptoms are alot worse. I say subtly because I was somehow always able to make friends or close acquaintances, but was never able to keep many of them. And although I had common interests with some of them, I've never felt truly close with them. Even now, I'm having a hard time with distinguishing actual friends from acquaintances. And I find that I want to be around people often, but never feel I can truly trust them or am unsure that I'm even connecting with them. I'm pretty decent at picking up sarcasm, but I think my problem is that I can't tell if someone is saying something just to be nice or because they really mean it. When I take them literally, more often than not I feel disappointed, sometimes betrayed, and I stop trusting those people. And it makes me skeptical of others and nervous about asking someone for help.

I also go through phases where I feel comfortable in social environments for a short time, and then I can't handle it anymore. I sometimes even feel confident enough to talk to strangers, but it's usually if I have people I already know well around. Or I can converse with them for about 5 minutes, but then I clam up big time, or find an excuse to leave. As far as interests go, mine change all the time. But when they do, I get really really really deep into them. It's all I'll be able to think about or talk about or research for weeks, and then I'm on to something else. I'm still interested in those things, but I'll put them on the back burner for a bit while I'm focusing on whatever else i found.

You mentioned that people think you're normal, but have you always felt normal? I've always felt a little different from most people, but didn't realize how different I really was until my adult years...



OneStepBeyond
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16 Oct 2011, 6:48 pm

hiii(:

i think with me it wasnt so much that traits came out more as i got older, more that they were just more noticable as my world became less structured (finishing school etc) and i was required to act more independently. when you're an adult you have to deal with things you did't as a child (like you mentioned with relationships) and i think it's these situations that make traits more apparent in those of us who previosuly did quite a good job at coping and living normally with them

anyway, welcome &hope you join in some more