intentional behaviour rewarded; clueless behaviour punished

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If there's one thing I noticed during my 20s it's the ubiquitous "jerk-babe" pair-ups, they constantly fall for each other. That's because those guys act like they have options, so they appear more appealing. I didn't figure this out till my late 20s after lots of rebuking and failed dating, I would be constantly apologizing for my clueless oversights and faux-pas, which I soon realized were only under my partial control, I would always be plagued with them more than an NT.

What followed from that stage of my life was a trail of rejections, basically under the premise that these women didn't want to change me, they thought I was "sweet" (that's an NT code word for "naive"), and we're better off as friends. These breakups were the culmination of being criticized for being too rude, blunt, spacing out and not noticing certain cues, etc, etc...so I took a "lesson" from this and in my later relationships, before I got married (I'm 37 today), if I ever got criticized on some faux-pas that I made then I would retort with things like "geez, would you quit being so dramatic? if I wanted that, I'd turned to soap operas" or "I'm not interested what your friends said about me, Jane, and you shouldn't be either - you should be able to think for yourself". THAT actually got me more respect, and prolonged those relationships - I basically acted as though my behaviour was rebellious, that I didn't care about what her (or society) thought, in effect: that I had options and wasn't intimidated by losing her, nor was I admitting social inferiority to her. I felt crappy about it at times though (even though I was upset at how my innocent behaviour was punished in the past by rejection).

However, eventually it got out that I really was clueless about certain behaviours, so I just extracted trial-and-error lessons from those and resolved to do better next time. That formula seems to have worked, to reach a balance of relative harmony in my current and most enduring relationship. That practice, plus friend coaching, watching certain movies, and reading up really improved me past the persistent rejection phase.

Sadly, this proved the theory (and paradox) that women, NT women, will stick around and try to correct a guy who intentionally behaves in a bad way, but if you're cover is blown as a clueless "one-of-those", you're done, they'll drop you like a hot potato. They don't want to mother you to be better, yet the tragic irony is, if your behaviour is unintentional and innocent, you'd be a better candidate for improvement than the a**hole.

Since now you are expressing opinions, I think you should go call one of the girls who rejected you back when you were naive and ask them directly: why do they reward intentional behavior and punish unintentional one? I really want to know their reasoning. It seems very unfair.

this is too general.

there are different ways of being "rude", it's not just being intentional or not, but what you do.

some faux pas are forgivable, others aren't.

without specific examples, your argument is not very convincing.

This actually made sense. I noticed a pattern with a girl I talk to, that whenever I was having a nice, safe conversation with her, it always went nowhere and fizzled out, but when I threw in the "banter" and made jokes, or lightly teased her about stuff, or reacted nonchalantly to a light criticism, it actually made me more attractive to her, and I didn't even realise I was doing it .

It's incorporating a few alleged "jerk" like behaviors into your conversational repertoire. It's not that easy though, and you have to develop timing, also being able to tell when is a good time to throw it in. Use every now and then.

It might not work on some girls, as Hyperlexian pointed out, but I have often noticed a pattern that guys who were much better at attracting girls used a "tease 2 please" method, and every now and then made an asshole-ish comment. And when I say that I observed this working on a variety of girls, I'm telling the truth. I give you no statistic, just what I saw working with my 2 eyes.

Brutal truth time: unintentional behavior is a better indicator of underlying mental problems. Such as, oh, ya know, AS.