Feminism/ Sexual harassment accusations are out of control

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I was talking to a gentlemen named ______. He's a former classmate of mine, and works at a library. He informed me that he offered to help a female coworker with a heavy object. I'll be f******* damned what happened next. He was pulled aside and told that this was sexual harassment. Apparently, this tells her that she isn't strong enough to life a heavy object. She wasn't, but I guess that's beside the point. He had to apologize to the b**ch.

I am sick to my soul with this ridiculous, deranged bulls***.

Two reasons I'm on his side. First of all, he doesn't have a history of this crap. Don't ask me how I know, I just don't see him as that kind of person. When this story was related to me, one of his coworkers was standing there and agreed, this was just bizarre. Secone, the so-called victim is a known outspoken feminist, ridiculously radical, and basically an idiot and a b**ch. It seems if a guy wears cologne and it makes a woman sneeze, he gets a warning for sexual harassment. I an SICK of this crap. Guys shouldn't have to be paranoid about getting complained against for "leering" when they're only saying hello when they come in, for making "sexual innuendos" when they're only trying to be friendly, or, GOD FORBID, "creating a hostile environment," when they're all they're doing is offering some help for god sake: FOR DOING THEIR JOB. At one time sexual harassment was bad enough that serious laws were enacted, and work places adopted a zero tolerance policy. Fine. Now the pendulum has swung too far, and men need some kind of protection against women who will falsely accuse a man of sexual harassment if he breathes.

My uncle dated an HR manager at a place I used to work, so I got to know her after I left. I told her about a time I myself was falsely accused of sexual harassment, and I couldn't face my accuser. She said that's sadly common. This IS, in my opinion, reverse harassment!! !

Welcome to the Working Man's World, where everything you do or say has something wrong with it, and everyone else's bad feelings are somehow always your fault.

...

I was once counseled for harassment because I said "Hello" to the receptionist every morning, so I started to use the loading dock to enter the building. Soon, I was counseled again for harassment because I was avoiding the receptionist. I no longer work at that place.

Yet another reason I wouldn't be able to handle a job.

Would you believe the same motherf**king thing happened to me? I didn't get counseled for sexual harassment over it, but the same thing happened. I greeted a woman every morning when I first started a job at a hotel, a receptionist no less, and it got back to me that I was that "one scary arabic-looking guy who always says hi." God f****ing damn it, I was just being friendly so I wouldn't get a reputation for being anti-social. But okay, fine! Whatever! So I let her be, and not in a resentful way, but just going about my business. Four days go by and I hear her say, "Alright, grumpy, don't say hi!"

I wanted so bad to whip around and yell "**** YOU."

It's women like this that abuse the laws meant to protect the ones in the past who were terrorized. But it ain't that way no more. You look at them, you're in trouble. You ignore them, you're in trouble. You joke, you're a pervert. You're serious, you're freaky. You try to find a balance with all their stupid immature demands, you end up trying too hard, and they mistake it for hitting on them. Can I please just do the god da** I was hired to do? Is that too much to ask of these idiots?

This. is. not. right.

Next place I work, I think I might just start a rumor that I'm gay. I'm not even kidding. I swear to God, I'm not even KIDDING. I'd almost rather take my chances with narrow minded bigots than get in trouble for utterly no f******* reason whatsoever, no matter WHAT.

How did he offer to help her? If he said something like "Here, let me get that for you, it's heavy," then I think the woman certainly over-reacted...even slandered him possibly. If he said something like "A pretty little lady like you shouldn't be lifting heavy objects" then that would have been inappropriate in a workplace environment.

As a woman, I occasionally encounter a situation where a well meaning man tries to help me with something I don't need help with. The pretense of his assumption is frequently sexist as he envisions me as helpless or needy based on my sex, however his intentions are good and altruistic and his perceptions, either somewhat innate or shaped by society....it's usually older men who I encounter this with, so the proper response to their willingness to help should be gratitude, not hostility.



I've never seen the situation you claim your friend has encountered however I'm sure there are some women of this type out there. Perhaps your friend can sue them for sexual harassment or sex discrimination/hostile workplace.

Before anyone chimes in and says that we're all sexist, misogynistic, angry males, re-read our accounts and ask yourselves "How would I feel if such things happened to me?"

You know what, I don't know how he asked her. I wasn't there. But I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt for sure. I see how he talks to people, I see how he relates to me, and I can't imagine him condescending to someone in a work place. And that fact that a coworker even said she thought it was bizarre says this is s***. That, and the accuser is famous for being a reactionary little twit, so I'm not gonna even entertain the idea that he really did anything. And the fact that this has happened to me just makes this even more upsetting to hear about. Men are people too.

Ummm...i feel like these issues are all about tone of voice, which we aspies are really good at messing up.

Me? I'm a scrawny looking, effeminate man who is actually quite fit and wiry (rope muscled) that can lift 150 lbs over his head. I often have burly men brusquely push me aside when they deem that I need help, which I rarely do. It's annoying, at best, offensive at worst.

So I side with the woman in this case. I don't know exactly what happened, and the story seems to be missing a lot of the details. I'm hearing it through you, which is just hearsay. How can I ossibly know the actual situation through you message, and give any sort of real opinion about it?

Did the man ask if she "got that ok?", or if she "wanted a hand with it," or did he just say "hey, lemme get that for you" and step in and take care of it? If she is never allowed to struggle with her load, will she ever be allowed to build physical strength? That's the issue, as far as I see it.

Well, this is a tough one. I often ignored warning signs with men because I didn't want to over-react, or misinterpret, or falsely accuse. I wanted to assume they were just nice and friendly and helpful. Then I would find myself trapped in a small office with them. They misinterpreted my lack of response to their early subtle moves as encouragement. Then when I wasn't interested, they would become really angry. At that point, some of them did actually harass me, and it really makes work place hell. I certainly didn't mean to lead anyone on, and made it clear from the beginning that I had a boyfriend, but there is no discouraging some people, especially if they are your bosses. Eventually I think some people just fry out and start to yell about every small act, even when it isn't real harassment. Some people become mean in response to other mean people.

I agree that sexual harrasment accusations have gone too far.
Being a woman, I wouldn't mind if some guy wanted to carry something that was too heavy for me. If I could carry it and he wanted to carry it...I might be alittle put off by that, but I wouldn't file a complaint. I would just say, no thanks, I got it.

As for someone saying hi to me every single morning, I may take that as a flirt...but that would not bother me either.

Now one time, I was told by another co-worker that I was psycho crazy and he would not trust me past his d*ck. THAT is sexual harrasment. I didn't need to file cause a friend who I worked for heard that and he filed for me. I dont know why I didn't do it myself. I guess I just felt like I had to deal with it between him and I. My friend disagreed and filed on my behalf.

You know what makes me sick? That because of crazy women like that, others who have valid claims are not believed.

I worked at a major airline years ago. I was working on a project with a male co-worker. He actually was married. His wife worked at the airline as well. Well, I figured out this formula that nobody else could figure out for raises, etc. He didn't. He then asked me numerous times to come to his house so we could discuss further. Everytime I declined. He ended up telling everyone at the office that HE had figured out the formula and was sent to different states to implement this new way for raises. I was left out. I said nothing because I saw his immediate change once he started asking me to go visit him and I would not. By the way, he also asked to come to my apt to discuss, and knew I was living alone. Everytime, I declined. Once during a meeting/party at work, there were only a couple of us in the room and he said "we should get whatamess to do a table dance for us!" I was shocked. I again said nothing. He then started following me. He'd go into the smoking lounge, even though he didn't smoke and sit and stare at me, etc. Even an older friend, a man who was a co-worker noticed it. He encouraged me to report this ahole, as he would even follow me to the parking lot at night. I did. The company did NOTHING. NOT A THING! I even found out that he had been moved from a few offices for claims of sexual harrassment and nothing was done to him at all. They just moved him. I hated going to work after that. I asked and was told that I was NOT to say anything to him or tell him off or "I WOULD FACE DISCIPLINARY ACTION!" Again, I had plenty of witnesses who stated the guy didn't even smoke and started following me there only after this ocurred. Nothing was done, ever. I ended up leaving.

Fast forward 20yrs later and a darn neighbor while at a neighborhood party told me "if you ever need someone to make you really happy, I am just a call away..." I thought, "huh?" Then he said, "yes, if your husband doesn't treat your right, and you know what I mean, I can make you happy...just don't tell your husband". I was speechless. I knew if I told my husband my husband would kill the guy. For the last few months I avoid the ahole like the plague. He always says hi with a smirk in his face in front of others, so that I feel uncomfortable and either say hi or walk out and have everyone think I am a witch. Finally I broke down and told my husband and a neighbor who noticed I was being "rude". Guess what? The freaking neighbors have actually asked me to "forgive the guy!" And just be nice to him and talk to him "for the benefit of the neighborhood!" Yes, you heard that right. I told them that I was not going to, that they could talk to him but I want him away from me, I don't want him to even say hi. Needless to say, you know what's happened? Although this ahole is always drunk, is new here, etc...because he is always having parties and inviting everyone, etc...most have instead turned against me. Yes, even my husband has noticed how although I have been here almost 3 years, never, ever accused anyone of such a thing, these people now believe this ahole and barely say hi or talk to me. They avoid me like I am going to falsely accuse anyone.

So, there you go, these women do make me sick too...it's because of them that when someone is really harrassed, nobody believes them unless they see it.

what the hell I would be glad if someone offered to help me move a heavy object.

Er... perhaps because you might not have been able to handle it yourself?

exactly I'm 4'11 and weigh 92 pounds, that makes some things quite hard to move.

Sorry, I misread it. I thought you said "why the hell would I be glad" - my apologies.

I helped a Chinese woman get a watermelon from a shelf in Sainsbury's today.