Advise needed - HFA (aspergers) Teens and Paraphilia

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If it's harmless, don't worry about it and paraphilias aren't normally outgrown. It's also possible he is curious so he has been reading up on that stuff. I have come across odd fetishes myself and would read about it because I was curious. Pregnancy was one of them and then breast feeding and I have looked up BSDM. I have even looked up scat play stuff and watersports. But I was an adult then. Only things I did under the age of 18 was going to AB/DL sites and reading the stories about it and looking at pictures and that was my fetish then I was in denial about all those years until I started to accept it.

My 2 cents -

Most aspies have special interests, if this is his "special interest" it may not go away. I am with the rest, so long as not harmful or arrestable, I would not make a case for running for help.

Further, while I encourage the idea of getting your son some outside adult support. MY 16 YEAR OLD SON WOULD NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN IF I SPOKE OF HIS SEXUAL ISSUES TO SOMEONE AT SCHOOL. I mean it - this would be huge.

I think that is crossing a privacy line, and I would strongly discourage it.

I think probably the most important thing is that right now you casually say things that let him know you unconditionally support him, and as a mom you get that he doesn't want to talk about his private stuff - you don't either - but doesn't matter what it is, he wont be judged by you.

I realize this is an old thread and the OP may no longer be reading it. My good buddy is a young adult aspie with fetishes and paraphilias. He does have a female lover to whom he seems devoted but he masterbates to gay porn and to x-rated art of cartoon animals with very sexual human charactaristics, usually in sado masochistic scenes. He says he has had these feelings/fetishes since he was young and is not aware of how they developed, it was as if he was "born this way." His lover has come to accept it but she expects he will be choosing to explore his bisexuality with new lovers in the near future.

Actually, you would be wrong, as not everyone with AS is asexual.

<<-- not asexual at all, more like hypersexual.

You're right that it can be a morbid fascination. But it could also be a fetish of his as well. He's probably too afraid to admit which one of it it is though.

I think it's important to think that those of us with AS, regardless, color outside the lines in just about every way, even sexually. Go to the adult board sometime and you will see how many different flavors we come in sexually (I myself am a bit more of the kinky type because it lets me deal with my sensory issues in another way which I know sounds funny). There are so many facets of people on that board with lots of different styles of fetishes and bedroom styles. In fact, there's an interesting series someone did a while back on carnal nation talking about the various sexual inclinations of people with AS. If I remember the article right, it explains everything from my inclination towards kink, to how one of my AS friends feels more poly-amorous while the other one likes to crossdress. And that's only just the beginning. I'll spare you all the rest.

To be honest though, probably the biggest concern for this kid is not so much he was looking at it, but if he's truly into that type of thing, how he would explain to someone later on in life, once he's finally in a potentially sexual relationship that he's into that kind of thing, it would require someone very open-minded to go there if they were more vanilla.

It is impossible for me to render an opinion on this without having some idea of what the "paraphilia" entails. There are people who think that oral and anal sex are disgusting, that using veggies as sex toys is disgusting, etc.

If nobody is being harmed or would be harmed by this activity, then it is interesting to him and disgusting to you, not necessarily pathological.

Don't judge him, or make him feel bad, or even accentuate the danger or disgustingness of what he's looking it, because that might increase the desire. There's an attraction to the darkness of certain sexual subjects. You also dont want him to feel guilty, this'll kill him on the inside. IMO, once you start leaving traditional sex, darker emotions start coming into play. All that is great, and awesome, and wonderful, and should never be judged if you're a consenting adult and understand certain perils, but as a kid, I could see you being worried, I think it's reasonable that you would want to guide him properly, and make sure he's happy.

How is his overall demeanor, is he in good spirits, or dealing with stresses in life? Keep an eye if he's getting more withdrawn....

I might look at it more as an emotional thing, where the doctor of choice would be a therapist and not a pediatrician....

BUT....you also would want to assess the whole thing, is this a one time thing where he's reading and looking at dirty stuff? This is awkward to say, but is he just reading like a kid who wants to see something gross and be thrilled like watching a scary movie, or this a pleasure for him.


Hope all is well....