I don't feel a need for "friends" anymore

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There was a day when I actively sought out other people's company and I enjoyed it if the person had this inexplicable "fun" quality and were somewhat similar in a few significant ways. That was high school.

But, I don't seek out company nor do I have this burning desire to be around others anymore and I don't seem to actually enjoy being around other people. I do if the person is a "match" and then maybe for 10 minutes or so, but most of the time, I seem to be in a "mood" where everyone seems to be kind of boring, even friends who I like to periodically hang with.

But, I can imagine there being a "perfect" friend who I'd probably like to hang with (like an ideal best friend), so I don't think the actual desire has completely disappeared.

Reading the posts of people on the forum, I get the feeling that the "desire to be around others", if there was one, doesn't actually go away between the ages of 18-24 for most aspies (And, it definitely doesn't seem to for most neurotypicals.) and this can lead to frustration when they find it difficult to make and keep friends as can be seen in The Haven. I wonder if this increasing social anhedonia (Technical term for how boring you find it to be around others) is symptomatic of some kind of schizo* development or if it's... fairly common?

LOL@avatar. No need for "friends", but a need to feed?

Back in college, there were a lot of people around me with this "fun"ness, so that was when my desire to be around people peaked. Before that, very little desire. Afterwards, same.

In school you are surrounded by peers and observe friendship on a daily basis so you crave friendship. Once you get out of school there's far less pressure so friendship becomes less important. People get busy with their careers so they have less time for it. Some people get married and between job and marriage finding time to nuture friendships.

School meant wanting frienships but after I left they became less important. I transformed and realized I don't need to be somebody else's doormat to be happy in life. If somebody wants to be a good friend, fine, but long gone are the days of being with people in order to not be alone regardless what jerks they are.

I NEVER felt the need for friends. I only wanted them because I thought they would let me boss them around and lecture them about my special intrests and obsessions. When I realised that wasn't what a friend was, I lost intrest in making them for good. My cat and bearded dragon are my BEST friends.

For me:

Being with Good People > Being Alone > Being with Pricks.

I don't feel the need for lots of friends, but it would be nice to have one or two people who shared my interests.

i don't need friends either, i think the need for friends make people have the wrong ones.., i think friends are an addition to life that makes it better, they aren't life really. makes sense? i haven't been outside for 2 years now and i lost all my so called(friends) and now i only speak to my few family members and people that i don't know on here, i am happy but i do want real friends when i have the time for it, it's important that they have the same interests as me and are quite calm and wise. if you are someone like me you can pm me and we can be online-buddies

I've never felt any need to be around people. My hobby, unfortunately, was designed around involving two or more people, so I ended up being around people out of necessity and I didn't hate it. I moved from tabletop wargames and RPGs and into computer games because I can play those without other people. I still play multiplayer games, but even those I often play solo.

Do you avoid playing multiplayer on purpose (Like, online multiplayer and the such)? I used to play multiplayer games with my cousin, but he always kept beating me with ease (I swear his strength came from "attention switching" speeds or something like that.) and so I gradually shied away from it. I was able to beat him, though, when I had enough time to develop a longterm strategy which rarely happened in real time strategy games.

With RTS games people have these cookie cutter strats that enables them to bypass the "develop during a game." They still need some degree of tactical agility, of course, because plans and contact with the enemy.

I avoid playing a lot of multiplayer on purpose, especially competitive. I have done PVP in WoW, Guild Wars, and City of Heroes, but for the most part I prefer coop play, like doing dungeons, raids, playing Diablo, etc.

Interesting, it seems like there's less fun people at college than there were at high school. I have a hard time speculating what might be the difference in my situation...

I had a best friend in grade school through middle school. Then when I was in band, I hung around some of the other band kids. But I was never one for the social scene in school, nor now as an adult. It seemed like when there were more around me I got overwhelmed and went quiet---wishing to be home. Today, all I really socialize with (other than at work where I must communicate with others) is family. And that is enough for me. I do however enjoy communicating here at the WrongPlanet.

Interesting, I wonder how this typically changes from high school to college? I seemed to have a far greater desire in highschool but it seemed to eventually wither away in college. Maybe that's because I've grown too dependent on meaningful online interaction? I'm not "socially anxious" or anything in real life, so it's not that...

I think I had a fairly normal social life when I was very young, and then around junior high time, I only had unpopular friends, definitely not the in-crowd.

All my adult life I haven't had many close friends, just pleasant acquaintances I talk to basically when I see them around town, and talk on the phone with maybe once per month with a few of them. Some friends, I politely disengaged with, because I got really bored or became disappointed with their lack of morals once I got to know them. More of the people I thought were friends or were going to be dropped me and I had no idea why.

I talk to 3 family members more than that, but I wouldn't call us close.

This has bothered me at times, because I think that a group of people all helping each other would be a really good thing. However, when I observe groups, I often see a lot of conflict and criticism and taking advantage, and I don't want it so much.

The other thing that's bothered me is that so many scientific studies say that people are psychologically healthier if they have close friends. But I wonder, does that go for EVERYBODY? No one suggested that friendless people would be instantly and continuously miserable either.

Anyway, I kept trying to get myself to go to more meetings and stuff like that, but I never could make myself do it.

Then, a few weeks ago, I decided to just let nature take its course. I found myself alone and LOVING IT. The freedom! I can dive into the things I enjoy and spend half a day on them if I want to!

I think it'd be pretty awesome to have one or two best friends.

Coop removes a lot of the "Wow, I'm losing really badly" thoughts, but I seem to often become the tag-along who's effectively watching the other player do all the work, so it's kind of like the same thing. But, that's only happened with games that I've just been introduced to, so I have an excuse.