03 Nov 2011, 9:39 pm
03 Nov 2011, 10:11 pm
03 Nov 2011, 10:25 pm
if i knew anything at all, chances are i'd be a married grandfather by now and solidly middle class. but at least from decades of watching from the sidelines as other people screw up in manifold ways, i can say what NOT to do-*Never neglect oneself, never let oneself go to pot- stay in shape, in the same shape one was in as a young adult. never forget to maintain god's temple that is one's body. that means regular hygiene for one's insides as well as outsides [bathing, dental care, skin care, proper nutrition, grooming, regular exercise].
*Never forget to take care of oneself as one would a precious possession, be gentle with oneself. if one has the common aspie deficits in proprioception, arrange one's local environment to be as accident-proof as one can make it.
*Never neglect to learn to imitate other people's superficial social behaviors at least. if people smile and wave at you, unfailingly return the gestures no matter what. even if one doesn't feel nice, take pains to treat others as one would be treated.
*Never forget that one is just as much a child of the universe as the next fellow, and just as deserving of love as the next fellow, and with just as much a right to expect good things from life as the next fellow. if it is the last thing one does, one should ashcan one's inferiority complex every time thoughts of such pop up.
*Never let oneself appear desperate. it is the extremely rare compassionate person who responds well to another's desperation. comport oneself as a person deserving of respect, which means maintaining erect posture, moving deliberately, NOT looking down at one's feet EVER when another person looks at you- if you must avert your gaze, use the "cut-off" gesture of looking quickly aside as though focused on something in the distance.
*Never forget that the search for a mate is akin to a search for a business partner, treat such a relationship as a business at first, you are looking for mutual compatibility and synergy. sex appeal must be an initial part of attracting somebody [hence your diligent maintenance of your own body] but not to the point where one becomes obsessed with the first looker one sees. avoid "fixer-uppers," as human beings are not like a rehab-able house or restorable old classic car. expecting another person to cooperate with one's plans for their improvement can only lead to mutual disappointment. mutual compatibility must come first and last and inbetween. this means casting a very wide net, to include people from other races and countries. and just as businesses obtain consultants [business matchmakers of a sort] to facilitate partnerships, so to should the aspie seeking a mate. one should at least find places where other aspies congregate. if such places don't have the desired gender of people, the people therein will surely know at least one person who IS of the desired gender.
*Never neglect one's mind, always be reading something more complex than a comic book, something which forces one to think. even though some call it propaganda, read a daily newspaper or news periodical without fail, as then one will at least be abreast of current events and can speak comprehendingly of same.
*Never forget the real golden rule [you know, the one about "do onto others as you would have others do onto yourself"]. if you hastily cut others to the quick, there is no guarantee they won't do the same to you.
above all, try to be the person you want to meet.
^^^ and this. It's so well said that I almost feel bad about sullying this thread with sarcasm.
03 Nov 2011, 10:51 pm
@ FullofStars
I agree with you, but I think you have to get your "foot in the door" first, especially with girls of the younger generation.
An important thing also is to create "an atmosphere of fun" around yourself. During the flirting stage I think it hits too hard and heavy right away to go in to values and all of that.
Personally, I would not start to discuss serious issues and stuff like religion and politics until about a month into the relationship. I'd save that for later.
I said earlier you should "hint" that you are the type of male who will be a financial provider and be stable, driven etc. If you lay it all on the table in your first few conversations, it will be overwhelming. Its best to start with superficial things that tempo up the fun and not bombard a girl instantly with your 30 year plan.
Its best instead to focus on your fun personality, light-flirting, and light-heartedness........ yet letting the serious side of you come across with Subtle hints of what the future my hold. I would not explain such things instantly, verbally or directly 
On the whole I agree with you and you should avoid golddigging Hanna-Montana "spinners"
03 Nov 2011, 10:57 pm
I agree with you, but I think you have to get your "foot in the door" first, especially with girls of the younger generation.
An important thing also is to create "an atmosphere of fun" around yourself. During the flirting stage I think it hits too hard and heavy right away to go in to values and all of that.
Personally, I would not start to discuss serious issues and stuff like religion and politics until about a month into the relationship. I'd save that for later.
I said you should "hint" that you are the type of male who will be a financial provider and be stable, driven etc. If you lay it all on the table in your first few conversations, it will be overwhelming.
Its best instead to focus on your fun personality, light-flirting, and light-heartedness........ yet letting the serious side of you come across with Subtle hints of what the future my hold. I would not explain such things instantly, verbally or directly
On the whole I agree with you and you should avoid golddigging Hanna-Montana "spinners"
wait a second... you are saying to avoid the gold-diggers, yet providing advice as to how to attract and keep.... gold-diggers.
also... suggesting to aspies that they create an "atmosphere of fun" is not really reasonable. some can do it but for many it is a tall order.
03 Nov 2011, 11:05 pm
I'm saying if I want to begin a relationship in the first place I would hold back in the manner I described.
I agree that once the relationship gets past the initial stages then it should be based on more a more substantial foundation. But I'm talking about initiating the relationship and what you have to do to make an impact and get things rolling.
By "atmosphere of fun" I don't really mean trying to pass off as some arrogant party-boy, but just demonstrate your affability and your acceptable personality. (surrounding yourself with friends and the like........ demonstrating that you are capable of having and maintaining social relationships)
I hope I explained myself the best. I am obviously not seeking "gold-diggers" but relating what I find to be the best ways to draw a girl in in the first place
03 Nov 2011, 11:26 pm
auntblabby
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04 Nov 2011, 8:16 am
but the best parts of the ramming arts, are the farts and the varts
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
04 Nov 2011, 9:23 am
04 Nov 2011, 12:28 pm
04 Nov 2011, 6:22 pm
04 Nov 2011, 11:09 pm
04 Dec 2011, 9:16 am
DuneyBlues
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Joined: 23 Nov 2011
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04 Dec 2011, 10:55 am
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,740
Location: the island of defective toy santas
04 Dec 2011, 11:12 am
welcome to our club, flish
i can only tell you that if your aspie is anything like me, he'd like you to say exactly what you are feeling, not by hints but by coming right out and saying it, though perhaps not directly in his face. tell him that he is #1 in your heart and mind, that you prefer his company to all others.
you can tell him those things aloud and not beat around the bush, but maybe try a lower-key voice at a lower volume?
i would ask if anybody who would be so easily overwhelmed by your love for them is really worth your time? if so, then just keep everything at a low key, honest but gentle.
he surely must be more intelligent than that, to be able to handle multiple thoughts in one message. maybe you could keep each sentence to its own subject, with an explanatory segue to the next subject.
if he is anything like me, he will either tell you outright, or in actions- there are a million and one ways to demonstrate love. staying in the same room with you when you are hacking and dripping from a nasty bug, is one. getting up early because you like to get up early would be another. you get the picture.
04 Dec 2011, 5:18 pm
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