40+ Something Love & Dating How to Approach (3/10)

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HopefulRomantic
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02 Nov 2011, 5:02 pm

The purpose of this thread is to assist 40+ something WP members identify “the how to approach” (techniques/required social skills/communication to obtain dates) with viable romantic matches.



Rocky
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03 Nov 2011, 3:14 am

The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.



HopefulRomantic
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03 Nov 2011, 5:08 am

Rocky wrote:
The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.


Before I meet anyone I talk to them on the phone extensively to see if we click first! Since I am very extroverted, I have this uncanny ability to speak with ease to just about anyone. It helps me in my job a lot. In Audit/Risk Management, a lot of your clients fear you before they even meet you the first time because they see you as an adversary right off the bat By being friendly in a calm, respectful, professional manner, it usually puts them at ease! It works for me in the professional arena.

In the dating arena, I am friendly in a more relaxed, less formal way. Humor works! Candor and frankness tempered with tact and diplomacy usually inspires others to do the same!



Rocky
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03 Nov 2011, 1:44 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.


Before I meet anyone I talk to them on the phone extensively to see if we click first! Since I am very extroverted, I have this uncanny ability to speak with ease to just about anyone. It helps me in my job a lot. In Audit/Risk Management, a lot of your clients fear you before they even meet you the first time because they see you as an adversary right off the bat By being friendly in a calm, respectful, professional manner, it usually puts them at ease! It works for me in the professional arena.

In the dating arena, I am friendly in a more relaxed, less formal way. Humor works! Candor and frankness tempered with tact and diplomacy usually inspires others to do the same!


That sounds like a good idea. Do you do this for people you meet in real life, or only on the web? What do you think about video teleconferencing?



HopefulRomantic
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03 Nov 2011, 5:03 pm

Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.


Before I meet anyone I talk to them on the phone extensively to see if we click first! Since I am very extroverted, I have this uncanny ability to speak with ease to just about anyone. It helps me in my job a lot. In Audit/Risk Management, a lot of your clients fear you before they even meet you the first time because they see you as an adversary right off the bat By being friendly in a calm, respectful, professional manner, it usually puts them at ease! It works for me in the professional arena.

In the dating arena, I am friendly in a more relaxed, less formal way. Humor works! Candor and frankness tempered with tact and diplomacy usually inspires others to do the same!


That sounds like a good idea. Do you do this for people you meet in real life, or only on the web? What do you think about video teleconferencing?


OK- I use this approach in any interpersonal relationship (platonic or romantic) in IRL or the Internet. It's kind of how I am wired. I have no opinion on video teleconferencing for dating purposes because I have never done it. Actually, the only experience I have with video teleconferencing is for business matters: I have worked on teams offshoring IT (software development) and business processes (large bulk transaction processing) to India to minimize labor costs and maximize production efficiency (because the work is being done 24 hours a day literally). We did video teleconferencing when we would have key strategic meetings among the US and offshore teams, say about systems integrated quality assurance testing before we would move software into production..



Rocky
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04 Nov 2011, 4:09 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.


Before I meet anyone I talk to them on the phone extensively to see if we click first! Since I am very extroverted, I have this uncanny ability to speak with ease to just about anyone. It helps me in my job a lot. In Audit/Risk Management, a lot of your clients fear you before they even meet you the first time because they see you as an adversary right off the bat By being friendly in a calm, respectful, professional manner, it usually puts them at ease! It works for me in the professional arena.

In the dating arena, I am friendly in a more relaxed, less formal way. Humor works! Candor and frankness tempered with tact and diplomacy usually inspires others to do the same!


That sounds like a good idea. Do you do this for people you meet in real life, or only on the web? What do you think about video teleconferencing?


OK- I use this approach in any interpersonal relationship (platonic or romantic) in IRL or the Internet. It's kind of how I am wired. I have no opinion on video teleconferencing for dating purposes because I have never done it. Actually, the only experience I have with video teleconferencing is for business matters: I have worked on teams offshoring IT (software development) and business processes (large bulk transaction processing) to India to minimize labor costs and maximize production efficiency (because the work is being done 24 hours a day literally). We did video teleconferencing when we would have key strategic meetings among the US and offshore teams, say about systems integrated quality assurance testing before we would move software into production..



I haven't really tried video teleconferencing myself yet, but it seems like a good alternative to traditional phone calls when distances are a problem. It seems to me, it would be more like talking in person.



HopefulRomantic
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04 Nov 2011, 6:46 am

Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.


Before I meet anyone I talk to them on the phone extensively to see if we click first! Since I am very extroverted, I have this uncanny ability to speak with ease to just about anyone. It helps me in my job a lot. In Audit/Risk Management, a lot of your clients fear you before they even meet you the first time because they see you as an adversary right off the bat By being friendly in a calm, respectful, professional manner, it usually puts them at ease! It works for me in the professional arena.

In the dating arena, I am friendly in a more relaxed, less formal way. Humor works! Candor and frankness tempered with tact and diplomacy usually inspires others to do the same!


That sounds like a good idea. Do you do this for people you meet in real life, or only on the web? What do you think about video teleconferencing?


OK- I use this approach in any interpersonal relationship (platonic or romantic) in IRL or the Internet. It's kind of how I am wired. I have no opinion on video teleconferencing for dating purposes because I have never done it. Actually, the only experience I have with video teleconferencing is for business matters: I have worked on teams offshoring IT (software development) and business processes (large bulk transaction processing) to India to minimize labor costs and maximize production efficiency (because the work is being done 24 hours a day literally). We did video teleconferencing when we would have key strategic meetings among the US and offshore teams, say about systems integrated quality assurance testing before we would move software into production..



I haven't really tried video teleconferencing myself yet, but it seems like a good alternative to traditional phone calls when distances are a problem. It seems to me, it would be more like talking in person.


Rocky,

Great point! Are you talking about using Webcams or the high-tech video conferencing equipment?

Moreover, you never quite know until you actually meet in person if the required chemistry is there . . . . . . . . .. .. And, how sweet it is when the sparks are flying!! !! !



Rocky
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05 Nov 2011, 9:09 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.


Before I meet anyone I talk to them on the phone extensively to see if we click first! Since I am very extroverted, I have this uncanny ability to speak with ease to just about anyone. It helps me in my job a lot. In Audit/Risk Management, a lot of your clients fear you before they even meet you the first time because they see you as an adversary right off the bat By being friendly in a calm, respectful, professional manner, it usually puts them at ease! It works for me in the professional arena.

In the dating arena, I am friendly in a more relaxed, less formal way. Humor works! Candor and frankness tempered with tact and diplomacy usually inspires others to do the same!


That sounds like a good idea. Do you do this for people you meet in real life, or only on the web? What do you think about video teleconferencing?


OK- I use this approach in any interpersonal relationship (platonic or romantic) in IRL or the Internet. It's kind of how I am wired. I have no opinion on video teleconferencing for dating purposes because I have never done it. Actually, the only experience I have with video teleconferencing is for business matters: I have worked on teams offshoring IT (software development) and business processes (large bulk transaction processing) to India to minimize labor costs and maximize production efficiency (because the work is being done 24 hours a day literally). We did video teleconferencing when we would have key strategic meetings among the US and offshore teams, say about systems integrated quality assurance testing before we would move software into production..



I haven't really tried video teleconferencing myself yet, but it seems like a good alternative to traditional phone calls when distances are a problem. It seems to me, it would be more like talking in person.


Rocky,

Great point! Are you talking about using Webcams or the high-tech video conferencing equipment?

Moreover, you never quite know until you actually meet in person if the required chemistry is there . . . . . . . . .. .. And, how sweet it is when the sparks are flying!! !! !


I was thinking of webcams. They probably don't match the performance of the dedicated video conferencing equipment that you've used, but they are getting better all the time. The limiting factor to performance is now probably the connection speed of the users.



HopefulRomantic
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05 Nov 2011, 11:19 am

Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Rocky wrote:
The only advice I can think of, is this: Rather than asking someone you just met to a formal "date," I would suggest that you invite the other person to follow you in their car to somewhere like Starbucks for a coffee (or something else) so that you can get more acquainted. Then, if you both feel a connection, you can arrange a date. The person being invited should be much more likely to agree to an informal chat over coffee, than a formal date with someone they just met.


Before I meet anyone I talk to them on the phone extensively to see if we click first! Since I am very extroverted, I have this uncanny ability to speak with ease to just about anyone. It helps me in my job a lot. In Audit/Risk Management, a lot of your clients fear you before they even meet you the first time because they see you as an adversary right off the bat By being friendly in a calm, respectful, professional manner, it usually puts them at ease! It works for me in the professional arena.

In the dating arena, I am friendly in a more relaxed, less formal way. Humor works! Candor and frankness tempered with tact and diplomacy usually inspires others to do the same!


That sounds like a good idea. Do you do this for people you meet in real life, or only on the web? What do you think about video teleconferencing?


OK- I use this approach in any interpersonal relationship (platonic or romantic) in IRL or the Internet. It's kind of how I am wired. I have no opinion on video teleconferencing for dating purposes because I have never done it. Actually, the only experience I have with video teleconferencing is for business matters: I have worked on teams offshoring IT (software development) and business processes (large bulk transaction processing) to India to minimize labor costs and maximize production efficiency (because the work is being done 24 hours a day literally). We did video teleconferencing when we would have key strategic meetings among the US and offshore teams, say about systems integrated quality assurance testing before we would move software into production..



I haven't really tried video teleconferencing myself yet, but it seems like a good alternative to traditional phone calls when distances are a problem. It seems to me, it would be more like talking in person.


Rocky,

Great point! Are you talking about using Webcams or the high-tech video conferencing equipment?

Moreover, you never quite know until you actually meet in person if the required chemistry is there . . . . . . . . .. .. And, how sweet it is when the sparks are flying!! !! !


I was thinking of webcams. They probably don't match the performance of the dedicated video conferencing equipment that you've used, but they are getting better all the time. The limiting factor to performance is now probably the connection speed of the users.


I have never used webcams but then again I would not be opposed to it either. Although I need to be physically attracted to someone, I am more concerned about cerebral qualities - high intelligence, emotional maturity, sensitivity coupled with an ability to empathize, loyalty, tenacity. compassion, self-awareness and and an overall passion for life. I call it seeing a viable romantic match as a "total package."

End of the day, two people can have off the charts physical attraction/chemistry and the resultant passion (which I had with my last bf David) but it is simply not enough to maintain a the type of long term relationship I want. For the record, we are intellectual equals as well.

One of the main things that makes us unalterably incompatible is that he is "nihilistic" (he even calls himself this) - meaning he literally believes there is no meaning to life whatsoever. In turn, he is somewhat "misanthropic" (again his term). Suffice it to say, he is a highly pessimistic person! And that is OK, it's just not my chosen paradigm.



shrox
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09 Nov 2011, 10:51 pm

I am a total a package shopper myself. I want a woman that I see as beautiful, that everyone sees as smart, and no one sees other than me...



HopefulRomantic
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11 Nov 2011, 5:55 pm

shrox wrote:
I am a total a package shopper myself. I want a woman that I see as beautiful, that everyone sees as smart, and no one sees other than me...


Well said! I feel the same way you do about exclusivity/monogamy. As difficult as it is to find an overall "total package" with whom you resonate physically, intellectually and spiritually (required meeting of the minds and hearts), it's second nature for me to date that person exclusively.



teamnoir
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02 Jul 2012, 7:35 pm

There's a lot of good information about approaching in the cruising sites. Ross Jeffries "Speed Seduction" series in particular. Most of these include explicit behaviors as well as excellent ideas and thoughts about straightening out one's attitudes.

I've also gotten good info from NLP, (I'm multiply certified practitioner, master, health practitioner, and instructor). And most notably from (things the rules prevent me from discussing).