Boss asked me bluntly today "are you autistic?"

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How should I have answered this?

It is not an issue with me, I have been trying to figure out a way to tell her for a while, but when someone figure you out how do you respond?

Basically though she has worked with a lot of autistic people and knows the kinds of issues and has offered her help with me but I am apprehensive, I know if her higher up bosses get wind they could have issues with me working in their bookshop and supervising but I don't know what to do...

I am not of the screaming variety popularized by "rainman" but high functioning, but I am unsure how to proceed, she has long had her suspicions but how do I ask for her help with the contacts she has without coming across as disabled and keeping my job?

I am worried that my one lifeline which is working in a bookshop is in danger and that I will forever be catagorized as disabled, but I do need help in certain areas and she has the direct contacts who can help me...

What would you do and how would you handle the situation?

tell her that it is none of her business...as long as you do your work well.

Do you live somewhere with protection against being fired just because of a disability?

(In your case I'd say "I suspect I have Asperger's Syndrome, but I'm really high functioning" or something of that sort)

As for me, because I'm going through vocational rehab, if I get a job they'll already know that I'm autistic.

I once asked a woman that on a dating site. I promptly got my head bitten off and blocked.

I'd say, "What makes you think that?" Be noncommittal and finesse the situation as best as you can.

i really wouldn't make it an issue cover it up it ain't worth the trouble.

I would have simply said "Yes" in a very matter-of-fact tone, and forget about it.

This part you have said in particular: "she has worked with a lot of autistic people and knows the kinds of issues and has offered her help with me" leads me to think that she may be asking you in order to benefit you; that perhaps by knowing this part about you she can help you cope with what your shortcomings may be in a more understanding and perhaps compassionate manner. But by no means do I know what kind of person she is like you do.

I won't tell you how to answer, but I think the above is worth thinking about. Also consider that you could perhaps, if you decided to let her know, add on a request such as "... but I would prefer if you not tell others". If she is a satisfactory person, which again you would know much better than I, then I'd think she would respect that.

I think it would be best to be honest. She sounds like she knows quite a bit about the matter and understands some of the difficulties that you might be facing. She's more likely to make allowances for any mistakes, if she has the facts.

A number of years ago, I was supervising a temp, whom I now realise most definitely had Aspergers. At the time, I knew nothing about AS, never mind realising that we had quite a lot in common. The main problem for me was that he was incredibly literal and I had to spell out every tiny detail. He was seen walking along the corridor with 10 plastic trays on top of each other and couldn't see where he was going. When a manager asked what he was doing, he told her that I'd told him to do it. So he got into trouble for lying, when he had misunderstood my instruction of keeping the mail for each dept separate. I had meant for him to put an elastic band around it or paperclip, if there wasn't much, but he saw the trays with the dept names on them and thought they had to be used. And he got into trouble for a few social blunders: he sent a married colleague a letter, apologising for some mistake, but it looked like a love letter; he had a photo of a female celeb that he obsessed over, in a frame on his desk, which is fine, but some of the staff thought he was her stalker. I was getting into trouble too (by a colleague, not a supervisor), for spending too much time training him. He was on a 13 week contract and it wasn't renewed.

I don't think he had a diagnosis of any sort, so there was probably very little that he could tell us about why he did certain things. Had he been aware of his condition and told myself or my boss (who made the decision to not renew his contract) about having AS, we would have been very accommodating. Also, I would have felt justified in spending a lot of time training him, which I didn't mind in the least - it was the other people who objected. And I know for sure that I would have read a lot about it. Perhaps my self awakening would have happened then rather than last year too.

I told my daughter not to tell, but if she is asked to tell the truth, because there is nothing wrong with having AS and she does not have to feel ashame of having it. I do not think you should hide your condition, and I do not think you can be fired for having it, but you better check with a lawyer first.

I have a some prepared answers for such questions.

Question:
Are you autistic?

In a professional context:

"Yes. Do we need to discuss it?" (Be very careful about tone of voice here. Professional situations are supposed to be very neutral and devoid of emotion. The flat affect autistics often naturally display works quite well here)


In a more informal context:

"I've been called worse."


In a very informal context:

"You think I'm this weird by choice?"

I would be inclined to answer "YES", as a matter of fact, and ask if you need to work on your communications skills more, or is there a reason why you were asked. I would hope, that maybe the boss likes you, but is puzzled by maybe some communications problems, or unusual behaviors, etc., which might have no bearing on what you do for the job, but might be a problem if you're NOT Autistic. Case in point: Some of the things we do, such as funny eye contact habits, can be mistaken for psychopathic behavior or guilty activity. If the boss understands Autism, and they must since they asked you, then I hope they're just trying to be sure you ARE a harmless Autistic, and not a psycho time-bomb who will show up one day with an AR-15 and wipe the place out. Once they know it's only Autism, it might be good thing. Honestly it could also go a bad way, depending mainly if they like you, and/or if there are rules that would get them in trouble for firing anyone who could be said to have a disability.

Speaking for myself, I'd want to know their motives in asking, and I'd want to be 100% honest with them about myself. If they didn't want me anymore, I'd rather know right away and look elsewhere for a job, than to be stuck hiding myself and pretending everything is OK.

Charles