Autism and processing thoughts

Post Reply New Topic

Warning: This message may not entirely make sense.


Lately I have been feeling like I am losing my mind. I am a writer and have been writing stories and poems since I was 12. When I was 13 I actually wrote about 20, maybe more, pages of a fantasy novel. Now I'm 21 and I can only wish that someday I will be as productive again.

A few months ago I decided to try writing again and it was disastrous. Last month I had to write an essay for my college application and that was probably the worst piece of writing I have ever written. When I was in 7th grade my English teacher actually told me he thought my writing was so good that I should be published and I know he meant it. Now I look at my writing and want to cry it's so horrible.

What I've been noticing for the past few months is that I have a very hard time putting my thoughts together. I think of something I want to write, and then I go to write it but it doesn't make sense and it doesn't flow. It's very disjointed, repetitive, and just all over the place. And I always leave something out, something that I meant to write and just forgot about.

It's not just writing I've noticed this in. Quite often I find myself wanting to say something out loud to somebody, so I try to say it, but I forget a certain word or it just doesn't make sense. EDITED: I've also found it harder to actually care about what people are saying to me. It's just like it takes too much concentration that I don't have, so why even bother.

This is very hard for me because I've always been able to express myself through writing, but now even that is too hard. It takes too much thought and concentration and I usually give up after a few minutes. It's also hard when I see a post here that I want to respond to, so I try to type something out only to have to not make sense, so I delete it and just don't respond at all.

Things are pretty stressful right now. I applied to college, my mother is having some kind of midlife crisis, my father is being his usual ignorant selfish self, and my health right now is less than ideal. I can't even get a decent nights sleep, I feel exhausted all the time, I have constant joint pain, and things are just stressful now. But at least I have my cats:) EDITED: And thankfully I'm not depressed.

Anyway, this was terribly ramble some and I am barely able to focus on what I'm saying. I'm just wondering if anybody else has experienced this. If so is there anything I can do? Somedays I really do feel like I am losing my mind, and I fear that I may never get it back, I may never be a writer again, I may never even be able to think clearly again. And I probably posted this on the wrong board too.

Last edited by Tamsin on 06 Nov 2011, 12:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

That seems kind of simular to how I feel, unfortunatly I am not sure what to do about it...but I am experiancing that as well so I will probably wait and see if anyone does have any advice.

Thank you Sweetleaf. It's always nice to know you are not alone.

It sounds like you are stressed out and sleep deprived. Either of these alone can cause the problem you describe, but it is even more likely to happen when you are going through both. First, you need to get more sleep. That alone will reduce some of the stress. Then you need to tune in to some nice music, funny shows or reading material, and get some gentle exercise. The exercise will release some natural mood boosting stress reducers called something like endorphins (not sure of spelling). Also eat more fruit. The natural sugars and other ingredients in fruit also have a mood boosting effect, but because our bodies are designed to process these natural substances, there are no harmful side effects, except when you are allergic to a particular food, like strawberries.

Doing these things should help you out. I also suggest spending less time with difficult family members. A method that has definitely helped my stress levels.

Remember, we on the spectrum are all:

A Different Drummer

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
However measured or far away.

--Henry David Thoreau

For me, reading and writing are the skills that shutdown first when I'm under too much stress, not getting enough rest, and/or are pushing too hard and am not taking breaks. -- Or, in other words, when I am in the "burnout zone." My faculties are fragile, and if things are too much and I try to force it, it doesn't work at all. There's no fluidity or connected ideas/images/etc.; it all turns into chopped up, disconnected bits.

Another effect I get is not being able to read my own writing and tell if it makes sense. And, also, to put disclaimers about it in posts.

I think of it as like having a brain that is like an engine that is powerful, but has an inadequate cooling system. So, while it can go fast sometimes, there are other times where I have to pull off the road, stop, and let the motor cool off for a while.

So, unfortunately, I don't have any answers beyond common sense stress reduction.

It sounds like you are going for a stressful time in your life. I guess if there are so many things trying to get your attention at once, how can you concentrate? Try to do one thing at a time, and prioritize things. When I'm too stressed I can't of anything to draw, it gets frustrating. It may be stressful now but I'm sure things will change for the better, they always do. Everything will sort itself out in the end

It's the same for me. I've manifested very early my... "skills" for writing (at age and for programmation (at age 12). I don't have problems to write, but I can't prog. anymore, because I can't focus, etc... I was learning the C, I've stopped, and after... two months ? with no programmation at all, I will start to learn a easiest language.

So it's all I can say ; if you are stressful about writing now, think very seriously to the smallest details of your novel (of whatever you want) everyday, and if it's necessary, try to think exactly like if you were writting, so it will be more easy when you will really write. You can also do something (alone) to let steam off (not sure at all if it's correct), it can help you to think. You will be less stressed, and even if you're not about that, it will be more easy and you will be more self-assured.

If you just can't focus because of something else, the only one solution : "lock and load" (hum, don't do it if it's one of your cats or your computer, else I'll eat your soul). :>

If you can focus on several things, headphone + which is relaxing music for you.

sMeow.

Yea. It's like stuck chi. You can't get it out. Or think that as constipation of words. But it happens to me all the time.

Warning : this may not make sense either

I have done a lot of creative type work during my life in a few different areas - mostly coding,systems design, writing etc.
So for most of my life I didn't even know Aspergers existed and I experienced just what you describe, I would lose my ability to do things that I could do easily before. For many years I didn't understand why my abilities seemed to just flip on and flip off at what seemed to be random times. Since I didn't have a proper name for what I experience, I have always looked at shutdown as "losing my Muse". In looking at it that way it became clear that to get my Muse back I had to focus on everything but what I wanted to get done. What I have found works is just what people are telling you above, reduce your stress level, eat, have a little fun, look at your environment to see if it is "blocking your Muse" . For me, getting in touch with nature helps. when I do these things, my abilities come back. It's actually a little funny now, looking back, that I was so naive to think I have a Muse when it's probably just brain wiring or chemistry. It is a more pleasant way to view the problem though and is a concept NT's can understand if you want to explain what is happening to you to them. I think that even though I now know more about brain wiring and all, I will keep my idea of looking at it as my Muse. Muses are known to be rather fickle and externalizing the problem does take some of the stress off of yourself. I hope yours comes back soon.

Hope this helps or at least gives you a good chuckle.

Creativity dies when you are stressed - I know mine does. Sometimes it dies hard and takes a while to come back. Apart from the basics of eating, sleeping and exercising properly, I find it helps to clear my mind by going somewhere peaceful, away from technology or people, to just sit, or stroll, and think - a regional park, isolated beach, a church/temple, or just go for a long walk. Sometimes I find I just need new ideas, so now might be the time to research some lore or history for inspiration, or even just do menial stuff like organise your desk. You could also try to relieve the stress and get back into writing by starting a journal.

Is it your writing really become "bad" or do you just think it's bad? Has someone else read any of it and given you feedback? Sometimes you just need someone else to help you clarify what you're trying to say.

My communicative abilities (along with a whole lot of other abilities) disappear when I'm mentally, physically or emotionally overloaded or exhausted. Too much stress of any kind seems to make my brain stop working properly.....which often just adds even more stress to what I'm already experiencing, in the form of frustration and worry.



Is the creative process of writing one of the first things you would (under ordinary circumstances) use to relieve stress and soothe your soul? If so, maybe it would help to try to write just for the sake of writing--to write whatever comes into your mind without worrying about (or even looking at--for a while) the end product....?

Sometimes, when I desperately want to write something and find that I'm stuck (can't do it), writing just for the sake of writing helps me. It doesn't always help me (it actually makes things worse if I'm experiencing a full-blown brain-shutdown)--but when it does, I think that it works because I've dis-associated the act of writing from the emotional stress of expecting my words to make sense or be of a certain quality, and from the mental/cognitive stress of analyzing and editing them.... It's sort of like giving my brain a chance to "clear up the writing pathways" when they've been blocked by stress-related clutter.

Aside from the above, my only suggestions are an echo of what others have already said (e.g. do your best to work on getting more sleep; try to think of things that usually help you relax or make you happy, and make time to do them).

I don't think that you're losing your mind, and I do think that your writing abilities (and your ability to think clearly) will re-appear in time. (Hopefully soon )

Interesting to see so many other people experiencing this. It's exactly what I've been going through lately (with spoken verbal communication in particular), and it's presumably tied to the fact that I'm going through an extreme amount of stress in life right now as well. Problem for me is, much of the stress is coming from my current job, but I won't be able to successfully go through other job interviews while I'm having these communication problems (on top of the issues ever-present due to AS).

Have you ever tried meditating? That has helped me out greatly when I've experienced this in the past; I need to find the motivation to do it again. It felt like I was clearing out all the background noise in my brain.

Thanks so much for all the replies guys! I'm glad to know I'm not alone because some days I really feel like I am. I feel like I've been in a steady decline for over a year now, probably because I have been living in a very stressful environment for over a year now. I really do hope that I will be able to move out soon.

I definitely agree that getting a good nights sleep will help. What I have noticed is that it's not that I'm not getting enough sleep, it's that I'm not getting enough quality sleep. I can get 12 hours of sleep and wake feeling exhausted, but today I bought some stuff that might help.

Again, thanks for all the support

Yes, I have. It definitely sounds stress-related. I don't think most people can work very well when anxious/stressed, whether or not they're on the spectrum.