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SuperMario
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06 Nov 2011, 5:34 pm

My college essay is almost done, I only have a few more things to add or modify. I am looking for some opinions-with the topic, content, and grammar.

Nobody is immune from challenges; everyone has to face some challenges. For some, challenges serve as motivation, and for others it serves as discouragement. For me, my greatest challenge has been living with Asperger Syndrome, which renders social interaction and large events difficult. It is commonly a gargantuan challenge, yet it can be a sort of blessing in disguise. The challenge that I face motivates me to achieve high; it is part of my life, yet I do not allow it to impede my life.

For me, when I aim highest I get the best results. Last year, I set out to get straight A's throughout the school year. At the time, it seemed like a far out ambition, but I ended up achieving it. It was rewarding to see the extra effort that I put into my work and studying pay off. In addition, the extra effort that I put into understanding every subject fully throughout the year increased my GPA to number. Even those times that I did not meet the bar that I set out to reach, my hard work yielded great results. When I took the SAT, I aimed to get as close to 2400 as possible. While I didn't reach a 2400, I scored a rather high number.

Outside of school, I aim to put the best of my efforts into what I do. I frequently volunteer for social justice at an organization called place. There teamwork, problem solving, and work ethic are needed traits in order to process donations (such as clothes and books), so orders can be filled. I also volunteer with the elderly at place. When I volunteer there, I enjoy working with the clients there. Volunteers like me contribute to create a friendly environment that allows the clients there to participate in various activities.

I take pride in what I accomplish and contribute. My greatest accomplishment is my grades, and my best contribution is my volunteer work. Tenacity has been my greatest and most important trait. That is how I have overcome so many challenges, and it is also how I will go beyond to do well in new areas. I am fortuitous for having been surrounded by great people. My accomplishments aren't measured by who I am, or what I have. What is important is who I have and what I do.


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Last edited by SuperMario on 06 Nov 2011, 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cathylynn
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06 Nov 2011, 5:42 pm

needs to be divided into more than one paragraph



SuperMario
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06 Nov 2011, 5:44 pm

cathylynn wrote:
needs to be divided into more than one paragraph

Well, I copied and pasted it. Sorry, I didn't fix the format. On the document, it is divided neatly into paragraphs though. Are there any other impressions from the essay?


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MountainLaurel
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06 Nov 2011, 8:46 pm

Wait a day, then with a fresh eye reread the essay and remove redundant phrases. For example; change:

Quote:
Nobody is immune from challenges; everyone has to face some challenges.

To:
No one is immune to challenges. For some, challenges serve as motivation...

Find all the unnecessary verbiage and eliminate it in order to make the essay crisper.