AS girls (good looking to decent looking) automatically get

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Panic
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11 Nov 2011, 6:53 pm

AS girls (good looking to decent looking) automatically get relationships with NT guys who have money and personality.

AS guys get stuck in a lonely hole.



hanyo
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11 Nov 2011, 6:58 pm

Panic wrote:
AS girls (good looking to decent looking) automatically get relationships with NT guys who have money and personality.


It didn't work that way for me but but I'll agree that it's probably a lot easier to get laid if you are an attractive female whether you are AS or NT.



Marcia
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11 Nov 2011, 7:01 pm

Should this not be moved to Love and Dating where it can join the festering pile of similar threads?



Ria1989
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11 Nov 2011, 7:01 pm

Truthfully, I think AS girls who are good looking to decent get used a lot more because they don't see it coming. If you've noticed, a lot of women on here have been physical abused when the general population of women hasn't.

I don't know how serious you were with those statements, but I definitely think it's the opposite. NT men expect women to be naturally social and empathetic, and when their girlfriend isn't, it doesn't always work out so well for their girlfriend. Women don't expect those things out of men so when it comes to personality in the relationship, I really feel aspie men have it better than aspie women... by a long shot.


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11 Nov 2011, 7:15 pm

If your "ugly": AS + http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humor_research :arrow: "win" ???



Callista
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11 Nov 2011, 7:21 pm

In my experience, nice-looking AS girls tend to be seduced by sociopaths and stuck in abusive relationships until they're either killed or realize, years later, that their children are being beaten too and they'd better get out of there.

A very, very good reason to develop self-advocacy skills.


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davidalan11235813
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11 Nov 2011, 7:32 pm

Ria1989 wrote:
Truthfully, I think AS girls who are good looking to decent get used a lot more because they don't see it coming. If you've noticed, a lot of women on here have been physical abused when the general population of women hasn't.

I don't know how serious you were with those statements, but I definitely think it's the opposite. NT men expect women to be naturally social and empathetic, and when their girlfriend isn't, it doesn't always work out so well for their girlfriend. Women don't expect those things out of men so when it comes to personality in the relationship, I really feel aspie men have it better than aspie women... by a long shot.


I completely disagree. Females tend to be socially conditioned to be a lot softer and kinder than males are. As such, it's far more likely for AS girls to be "taken under the wing", so to speak, of NT girls, so they tend to learn social skills much better than males, who are more likely to be socially conditioned to assert their dominance, and ridicule and exclude anyone who doesn't "fit in." And if you don't "fit in" you are immediately marked as "the weird kid" and ostracized from your peers.

Also, since males are socially conditioned to be more aggressive in pursuing a relationship, AS females are more likely to end up in a relationship than females. Consider, NT male is attracted to AS female, and due to his social conditioning, pursues a relationship with her. He may or may not succeed, but on the other hand, NT female is attracted to AS male. Due to social conditioning, she hints with nonverbal signals (which he cannot interpret) that she is attracted to him and expects him to pursue her, which does not happen.



hanyo
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11 Nov 2011, 7:35 pm

davidalan11235813 wrote:
I completely disagree. Females tend to be socially conditioned to be a lot softer and kinder than males are. As such, it's far more likely for AS girls to be "taken under the wing", so to speak, of NT girls, so they tend to learn social skills much better than males, who are more likely to be socially conditioned to assert their dominance, and ridicule and exclude anyone who doesn't "fit in."


Maybe that happens but no one ever took me under their wing. When I was growing up I was ridiculed and excluded by everyone, male and female alike.



davidalan11235813
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11 Nov 2011, 7:43 pm

hanyo wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I completely disagree. Females tend to be socially conditioned to be a lot softer and kinder than males are. As such, it's far more likely for AS girls to be "taken under the wing", so to speak, of NT girls, so they tend to learn social skills much better than males, who are more likely to be socially conditioned to assert their dominance, and ridicule and exclude anyone who doesn't "fit in."


Maybe that happens but no one ever took me under their wing. When I was growing up I was ridiculed and excluded by everyone, male and female alike.


It might not always be the case, but I do think that females tend to be more accepting than males. Even as a male, it was always far easier for me to make friends with girls than it was with other boys when I was a child. It's only anecdotal evidence, I know, but take it for what it's worth.



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11 Nov 2011, 7:50 pm

Ria1989 wrote:
Truthfully, I think AS girls who are good looking to decent get used a lot more because they don't see it coming. If you've noticed, a lot of women on here have been physical abused when the general population of women hasn't.



Amen to that! I've been too much of a sucker for sob stories- and definitely haven't dated many guys that had a job above minimum wage. In fact I got screwed over by letting people live with me and then they basically acted like they were in a hotel. But even hotel staff (usually) get paid in the end. :(


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11 Nov 2011, 7:50 pm

Panic wrote:
AS girls (good looking to decent looking) automatically get relationships with NT guys who have money and personality.

AS guys get stuck in a lonely hole.


Nope. It did not work for me.

I wish every Aspie guy who thinks this is some kind of blinding flash of insight would let it go.



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11 Nov 2011, 7:52 pm

Exactly, Verdandi- and one of my longest relationships was with an aspie guy. He definitely has a personality.


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11 Nov 2011, 7:55 pm

davidalan11235813 wrote:
hanyo wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I completely disagree. Females tend to be socially conditioned to be a lot softer and kinder than males are. As such, it's far more likely for AS girls to be "taken under the wing", so to speak, of NT girls, so they tend to learn social skills much better than males, who are more likely to be socially conditioned to assert their dominance, and ridicule and exclude anyone who doesn't "fit in."


Maybe that happens but no one ever took me under their wing. When I was growing up I was ridiculed and excluded by everyone, male and female alike.


It might not always be the case, but I do think that females tend to be more accepting than males. Even as a male, it was always far easier for me to make friends with girls than it was with other boys when I was a child. It's only anecdotal evidence, I know, but take it for what it's worth.


Females hated me. The vast majority of my friends are (and were) males. Maybe the reason for this is that people of one biological sex have fewer expectations of people of the other biological sex. I don't know, though; this is just a guess. It does seem to me that females have more expectations of both males and females than males have of them. No one ever took me under her wing, either.



Verdandi
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11 Nov 2011, 7:55 pm

davidalan11235813 wrote:
I completely disagree. Females tend to be socially conditioned to be a lot softer and kinder than males are. As such, it's far more likely for AS girls to be "taken under the wing", so to speak, of NT girls, so they tend to learn social skills much better than males, who are more likely to be socially conditioned to assert their dominance, and ridicule and exclude anyone who doesn't "fit in." And if you don't "fit in" you are immediately marked as "the weird kid" and ostracized from your peers.

Also, since males are socially conditioned to be more aggressive in pursuing a relationship, AS females are more likely to end up in a relationship than females. Consider, NT male is attracted to AS female, and due to his social conditioning, pursues a relationship with her. He may or may not succeed, but on the other hand, NT female is attracted to AS male. Due to social conditioning, she hints with nonverbal signals (which he cannot interpret) that she is attracted to him and expects him to pursue her, which does not happen.


So this is all a matter of theory to you? Your first paragraph is often proposed, but I've found that it didn't play out that way for a lot of autistic girls. Women From Another Planet? is full of writings by autistic women who didn't have the experience of "being taken under someone's wing."

As for whether AS women are more likely to end up in a relationship, I don't know. I found it difficult to maintain any relationships because I didn't know how, and I am so bad at interpreting flirting and other related social signals that I have been on dates without knowing they were dates at the time. Honestly, I can't imagine what it would be like if my most pressing concern was whether I could get into and maintain a relationship. It would be a lot different from my life as it is now.



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11 Nov 2011, 8:06 pm

Marcia wrote:
Should this not be moved to Love and Dating where it can join the festering pile of similar threads?


Can we start a forum called "Festering Pile of Utterly Useless Threads," or would that be too anti-PC?


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11 Nov 2011, 8:14 pm

diniesaur, females hated me too! I definitely never was "taken under anybody's wing." I might as well have had a huge flaming neon target on myself. Most girls think I'm a freak or they think I'm "mean"- have any of you read Queen Bees and Wannabees? That book exposed so many of the unspoken "Mean girl" rules that I had no way of knowing. But I'm not interested in playing social games where you have to put up with crap just for the "honor" of being somebody's friend.

LOL MrXxx


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