Most of the dating/sex issues are targeted at men

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This is NOT a rant against men....That said, when I am trying to figure out my issues by doing 'online research' most of the help is aimed at men who have problems with dating and sex. Aren't there any other women (besides me ) that have extreme issues with dating and sex? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one, especially being in my early 30s, anything aimed at helping females in this area is usually directed at teen girls. TY.

Really? I was under a completely different impression: that most of the stuff about sex and dating is targeted to women. All the female magazines (Cosmopolitan, for example), TV series (Sex and the City), etc.

Or are we talking about different sorts of issues? (Physical problems with sex, etc?)

I sure thought most of the things in the dating and sex category is aimed at women.

There is a whole 'women's' forum on WP, why not start a thread there describing your problems and see if there are others who share them?

This may be due to a general perception that any reasonably attractive woman need only dress up, put on some makeup, go to a bar, smile, and the men will start hitting on her. While this may be true to some extent, what about the women that are somewhat less than attractive? What if the woman feels uncomfortable about putting herself on display? How should she deal with the general expectation that any woman who is "looking for a man" must put out on the first date?

I think the main problem with dating and sex for women are narrow expectations of what it means to be a woman in the first place. They all assume you, as a woman, want to dress up and look beautiful (where "beautiful" is very narrowly defined), they all assume you like to gather with your female friends and gossip, and many assume you like shopping and sexy underwear. Nobody assumes you are a nuclear physicist or a black girl (unless it's a magazine targeted to black women). Etc.

PS- I do think this might belong to the women's forum, but I'm not sure.

I didn't post it in the women's section b/c i wanted different opinion, thoughts from both sexes.

yes, you're right in that respect, but I wasn't talking about beauty and sex i was referring to the physical problems, dating and social aspects that are involved.

what you've said here and what 'deconstruction' said is right on the nose and what i am talking about! There really seems to be nothing out there for the average or below average looking woman in terms of dating and how to go about that. It's pretty clearly understood that if you're attractive, you needn't do anything else -- but what if you're not? Then what are your options? I guess those women are just screwed then (no pun intended)....Also, you add into it the unattractive factor coupled with the A.S. traits (not picking up on opposite sex body lang, misreading dating social cues) and it's all a mess waiting to happen. Very frustrating!

Well, it's not just that they expect you to be pretty to get a man. You also need to be dressed up. Like I said in one of the other threads, men ignore pretty women all the time, just because they're not dressed up. But I digress.

I think many people assume that if you're pretty, you won't have a problem finding a man. And if you're not, you can always "put out" and get sex that way.

I mean, it's not how I see things, but I've heard similar comments from various sources to know this sort of belief exists.

But honestly, it all depend on meeting a right person. I know it's a cliche, but a man who is truly interested in you and who is attracted to you won't make you do anything about it - he will simply be interested in you, just the way you are. It's effortless. Finding that guy is painful, but at the end of the day, you don't really need to do anything to attract a person who likes you. He'll be attracted to you even if you're not conventionally beautiful and even if your social skills suck.

(Just my personal experience... But it was very eye opening).

If you are not attractive, then your best bet is to go on offense and be aggressive with a man who is similarly unattractive.

You don't have the luxury of waiting for a man to pursue you in the traditional sense.

Keep in mind that at your age, many of the men who have had little success with women have given up altogether on dating and are engrossed in their hobbies.

Your going to have to step into their world and perhaps share a common hobby.

She should either they try harder or set her standards lower.


Indeed.

This is where I think a little unconventional behavior might be in order. For instance, some men complain than women play "Head Games" to keep them guessing. Why not try being concise, direct, and to the point? For example, instead of feigning disinterest in a potential suitor, listen to him and engage him in an intelligent, yet non-confrontational conversation. Instead of holding out for the Alpha male or one of his wingmen, look for the guy who seems awkward or uncomfortable being there and say "Hello, my name is ________. May I buy you a drink?" Ignore the body language, and simply ask that unattached male if he would mind spending some time with you.

These ideas are based on what I wish would have happened to me when I was trying to date. I would have been thrilled if just one ordinary, yet reasonably sane woman had approached me and spent some time with me.

That's because women have it so much easier than men...

*ducks and runs*






Oh, and in case you didn't figure it out:

I haven't read this book yet, but I believe it has a chapter on relationships but you should do research before buying it or renting it on kindle. It's called Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome by Rudy Simone. She's also got a channel on youtube. I'm super addicted to watching youtube videos, very informative!

Good advice.



Very good advice.

ty for the book suggestion, it is already on my 'too read' list ....well I do not think i am very unattractive, but if no one has ever approached you about dates or anything (and you're a woman) that must automatically mean you're not attractive -- right? That's my conclusion, I don't see the point in lying to myself and saying otherwise if that's the case. Sigh. But like 'Molecular Bio' said at my age it seems to be too late to start any of this unless I plan on doing what someone else suggest here, taking initiative, which I'm not going to do. If I was able to do that, I probably would've gone on a date by now.... It is ashamed though that these 'less attractive' men are engrossed in hobbies and decided to forgo dating altogether, maybe it is a sign I should consider doing the same, but it just seems impossible to 'forget' about things like that. I dunno.

What you need to do is post a picture of yourself online (not necessarily on this forum if you are uncomfortable) and ask for an truly honest assessment from men about what your looks are like.

From that you can more accurately get an idea of what league you are in and how to go about dealing with your potential or lack there of.

It is entirely possible that your are somewhat attractive, but perhaps your AS-related behavior/mannerisms have prevented you from putting yourself in a position where a date was possible.