Not using swear words when people act like smart

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Summer_Twilight
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16 Nov 2011, 5:09 pm

I had gone to my campus booksore earlier this evening to get some treats. I then went to go pay for my things and didn't happen to notice that there was a line forming a few inches away.

This woman then told me, "Ma'am, I don't mean to be mean but the back of the line starts there." She had this little smirk on her face like she thought that she knew better and that she was next in line. I then told her that I didn't know and she went, "Thank you." I then walked away and said, "Thanks Sweetie, Itch!"

I know that calling the above was still pretty close to the "B" word because she walked out offended and said, "May God Give You Peace."

The question that I have is, what types of things could I say without setting someone off who is being smart like that? I have a problem with swearing and other anger issues that I am currently working on and so I am trying to learn to be polite.



mar00
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16 Nov 2011, 5:48 pm

I don't think there's any right thing to say in that situation.. And maybe she wasn't trying to seem *smart*, what can a person say to show their dissatisfaction to someone who is trying to skip the line (intentionally or not) anyway. I think by replying rudely you might seem as equally *smart* - no reply, especially rude one, might be much wiser thing to do. Maybe you misinterpreted. Other than that (1) Ignoring might be good or giving judging looks (2) Sarcasm is amazing (3) Make a person feel dumb by pretending not to be going to buy it just yet, if situation allows.



Stargazer43
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16 Nov 2011, 6:35 pm

In a situation like that ideally you should have just said something along the lines of "Oh my apologies, I didn't notice...thank you!" That way there is no escalation of the crisis and everyone walks away happy. Also I am sure that she wasn't trying to be mean or anything, even if you interpreted it in that way. As for your other question on how to deal with people who you think are being "smart", the best way is usually just to either respond in a completely respectful and polite way as above or to try to use humor to make light of the situation (again...in a respectful manner...nothing that will have any chance of offending the other person). When you say something offensive in response, even if you yourself feel you have been offended, it only serves to escalate the conflict rather than resolve it. This is just my personal opinion on how I would manage these kinds of situations, and I hope it was somewhat helpful!



Summer_Twilight
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16 Nov 2011, 6:44 pm

I struggle heavily with swearing and it is a struggle learning not to cuss. How about being witty with someone like that?

How about the next time I am caught in a situation where I don't see the line, I offer to pay for their stuff even since I am there.

I say, "You know what, since I am here, would you like me to pay for you?"



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16 Nov 2011, 9:18 pm

"Hau die welt ab!" (pronounced "how de velt ahb" from English)

Which translates to "F*k off" in German.


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Summer_Twilight
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16 Nov 2011, 9:43 pm

Lol, I don't think that would be good. I want some witty lines that will throw people like this off.



mar00
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17 Nov 2011, 10:02 am

How about just being polite b/c you never know, I don't see anything rude in this situation from that woman (maybe that possibly imaginary smirk)...What if you saw someone ignoring the line, intentionally or not, and said something and then received such profanity back?



Summer_Twilight
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18 Nov 2011, 4:16 pm

I don't think I would like that very much. She was a bit annoying though.



VIDEODROME
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18 Nov 2011, 5:13 pm

Well it's odd because you did it by accident, not purposefully trying to infringe on their place in line.

I had something happen like this recently. I was tired from work and went to buy something in a gas station travel plaza. Now for some reason some people in line waiting for a clerk stand back from the counter. I was just vaguely aware of this guy I didn't know if he was waiting or looking at the prices of cigarettes.

So I walk up and put my stuff on the counter then halfway through paying for it he decides to inform me that I rudely cut in line. So I just start to apologize and say I was really tired and maybe I just didn't notice a line was started. Then he cuts me off saying don't try to explain it just apologize. At this point I felt a strong urge to explain myself and say that because he was back from the counter I wasn't sure if he was in line or browsing, but decided I should just say I'm sorry and leave instead of debating it.

I think the part of this that can be irritating is it can seem like the other person is exercising authority over you because you didn't follow a social rule right. In Summer Twilight's case it hard to to tell because I wan't there, but while the words are polite the smirk almost says for the moment vague social contract puts them in the position to not just inform you but give you and order.

I mean it's kind of a subtle thing. Like what if you dropped a food wrapper by accident and you didn't know it. I think most of the time someone might just must just casually mention you dropped something. Not a more formal "Excuse me, you dropped litter on the floor you need to pick that up.". As if generally understood social rules put them in the position to boss you into doing something.

Sorry I'm probably rambling because this annoyed me like what happened to the thread poster.



Summer_Twilight
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18 Nov 2011, 8:24 pm

What I don't like is when you are trying to have a good time and you are unaware of voice volume, and someone comes up ans asks you to keep your voice down but then continues with a ,"Because we can hear you over there." That is a hot button for me.



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19 Nov 2011, 1:39 am

I'd tell them to get over themselves and that no one else seemed to complain. But I'd probably swear.

Summer_Twilight wrote:
What I don't like is when you are trying to have a good time and you are unaware of voice volume, and someone comes up ans asks you to keep your voice down but then continues with a ,"Because we can hear you over there." That is a hot button for me.


I hate that too. My sister uses it on me all the time. When she said I was eating my lamb nachos the wrong way I finally told her to f**k herself. I had a few beers that day.


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19 Nov 2011, 3:41 am

mar00 wrote:
How about just being polite b/c you never know, I don't see anything rude in this situation from that woman (maybe that possibly imaginary smirk)...What if you saw someone ignoring the line, intentionally or not, and said something and then received such profanity back?


She said it condescendingly. I don't mean to be mean......yes she did otherwise she wouldn't have said it like that. A proper way of telling you would have been something like, "Ma'm I'm sorry but the line starts back there."



pete1061
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19 Nov 2011, 4:18 am

I once heard this nice subtle way of telling someone off...
"See you next tuesday"
Replace the first two words with similar sounding letters and take the first letter of the last two words.
It's a nasty word, reserved for only the nastiest of people.
Works best for women who piss you off, but you can call guys the same word.



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19 Nov 2011, 4:46 am

pete1061 wrote:
I once heard this nice subtle way of telling someone off...
"See you next tuesday"
Replace the first two words with similar sounding letters and take the first letter of the last two words.
It's a nasty word, reserved for only the nastiest of people.
Works best for women who piss you off, but you can call guys the same word.



I think I heard that at Babycenter and I didn't get it until it got explained. No point in that insult now since people know what it means. You can only hope the person won't know what it means.



Summer_Twilight
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19 Nov 2011, 6:40 pm

pete1061 wrote:
I once heard this nice subtle way of telling someone off...
"See you next tuesday"
Replace the first two words with similar sounding letters and take the first letter of the last two words.
It's a nasty word, reserved for only the nastiest of people.
Works best for women who piss you off, but you can call guys the same word.


I like that idea.

Onetime, I kept being pushed and shoved at a concert because I was stepping over someone else's wife. I finally turned to look at them and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way, shut up!" They were not too happy either.