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seaweasel
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25 Nov 2011, 12:10 pm

Does anyone have trouble saying no to people?

I do and it is becoming exteremly annoying to me =(. I was planning to use my wii all day during thanksgiving break from college, but my brothers friend came over and they are using it all because i had trouble saying no



TallyMan
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25 Nov 2011, 12:32 pm

NO



MakaylaTheAspie
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25 Nov 2011, 1:09 pm

No trouble with saying no at all. It's getting people to listen to me that is the issue. ;)


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Sora
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25 Nov 2011, 1:18 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
No trouble with saying no at all. It's getting people to listen to me that is the issue. ;)


That's what it is like for me too.


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PTSmorrow
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25 Nov 2011, 1:30 pm

No, i don't have any problems saying no to people. Could even be the word i use most often in contacts.

@ seaweasel, don't hand your stuff to others from the beginning of an interaction. It's less trouble to hide or lock it than getting it back.



Joe90
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25 Nov 2011, 1:46 pm

I don't get it - if some people on the spectrum are that honest, then I would've thought they would find it really easy to say no just like that. If you don't say no when you really know you should, then it is practically being dishonest.

I find it very hard to say no (I'm not an ''honest'' Aspie either). I know when I should and shouldn't be assertive, but I just fear conflict. Sometimes it can be so awkward depending on the situation - even NTs say that. But I find it hard in almost every situation, and also I think I lack confidence in assertiveness because I've been assertive before on 2 seperate occasions before, and I got bullied for it by 2 different people. Yes, I know everybody ain't like that, but for someone with social and self-esteem isues, it does knock you back.


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MrJosh
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25 Nov 2011, 1:57 pm

seaweasel wrote:
Does anyone have trouble saying no to people?

I do and it is becoming exteremly annoying to me =(. I was planning to use my wii all day during thanksgiving break from college, but my brothers friend came over and they are using it all because i had trouble saying no


I do, but I'm trying to become better at saying no.

Why not try joining in with your brother and his friends playing the Wii? :)



Kris30
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25 Nov 2011, 3:52 pm

Yea I have this problem sometimes! It's usually a face to face request where I don't have time to measure my response. Also you don't want to let people down, but sometimes just wish you had.



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25 Nov 2011, 4:05 pm

I can say "No" to people. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they don't. If they don't, it's not as if I've implicitly agreed. I'm unmovable when I make a decision. It causes conflicts, but I'm not a doormat.



artrat
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25 Nov 2011, 4:28 pm

I find it nearly impossible to say no.
I don't want to offend anyone.
I especially have trouble saying no to kids which is why I should never be a mother.



Eloa
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25 Nov 2011, 6:34 pm

I don't know when to say "no". I need too much time to read and understand situations that I could react spontaneously and say "no".


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disintgr
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25 Nov 2011, 8:23 pm

I find it very hard to say no. I just don't want to let people down. Not being able to say no does get me into a lot of trouble though.



friedmacguffins
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25 Nov 2011, 8:40 pm

I have trouble saying no, but will go into overdrive rather than flake.

I'm noticing that I've neglected myself and suffered.



matt
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25 Nov 2011, 9:26 pm

Is this a trick question?



RenegadeRaven
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25 Nov 2011, 10:20 pm

Heh, if anything, I say no way too much. It comes naturally for me without any hesitation.



shadowchyld
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25 Nov 2011, 10:21 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I don't get it - if some people on the spectrum are that honest, then I would've thought they would find it really easy to say no just like that. If you don't say no when you really know you should, then it is practically being dishonest.

I find it very hard to say no (I'm not an ''honest'' Aspie either). I know when I should and shouldn't be assertive, but I just fear conflict. Sometimes it can be so awkward depending on the situation - even NTs say that. But I find it hard in almost every situation, and also I think I lack confidence in assertiveness because I've been assertive before on 2 seperate occasions before, and I got bullied for it by 2 different people. Yes, I know everybody ain't like that, but for someone with social and self-esteem isues, it does knock you back.


^This... also when I do make the "attempt" to say no, I have a very circumvent way of doing it. I don't straight up say no. I use a lot of excuses, and things like that. My friends wanted to go out Wednesday night. It went like this:

Friends: Wanna go out to Gilligan's?
Me: Um, well, I guess so. (Inside screaming NO!! !!)
Friends: Cool! Well let's go back to your house and you can get ready. K?
Me: Um, yeah, cool.
(Go back to house.)
Friends: Hey, I'm gonna go freshen up in your bathroom real quick, ok?
Me: Sure, I'll be ready soon! (Inside screaming "I hate myself!")
Boyfriend: Hey honey, you sure you want to go? We don't have to, just tell them you'd rather stay home.
Me: No, no, I'm fine, but maybe we should take our car after all, because I don't think you'll like it there honey. It's really crowded and smoky.
Boyfriend: I'll be fine.
Me with half ass-ed smile on my face: Ok, dear. Let me finish getting ready then.
Friends, back outside on front porch having a cigarette: Kristin, you sure you want to go? You look tired.
Me: Well, I am pretty tired.
Friends: Well, it's up to you. I'm not up to making decisions tonight, so it's your choice.
Me: about five minutes of dead silence.
Friends: Well? Your choice.
Me: Well, how about next wednesday?


That it what it took for me to not go then, now I'm stuck going this wednesday, so there you go. Still no real no, but I got out of it that night. this is very normal for me.