fail at friendships

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I don't know if this is the appropriate place for me. I have never been diagnosed with autism or anything like that. But I have always suffered from some form of social disorder.

To be specific, the problem is that I am unable to make true friends. I have been at the same job for 8 years but have never developed a single true friendship. Sure, I have acquaintances and talk/joke around with coworkers from time to time. But just can’t seem to move beyond this superficial type of friendship.

This has always been frustrating (more at some times less at other times) but is now approaching the level of despair. I am so sick of this.

Can anyone relate to this? I just don’t understand it.

I can relate to this. I always feel uptight around other people. (a few exeptions: my parents and three childhood friends (known them since I was about 3 years old, like sisters)
I never know what to say. Or when to say it.
Never seem to feel comfertable around other people.

For some strange reason, I feel most comfortable at work or Army. I force people into my comfort zone, which forces their comfort zone onto me. Normally I’m quite bizarre (according to the normal folk) in my attitudes. For example, I’ll just spout out random lines from a movie, a book, a song, or a topic in one of my classes, etc. Like I’ll just say out loud (out of the blue) that the great renaissance artist, “Botticelli wouldn’t Juxtapose very often or use proper perspectives” – yes, I’ll shout it out loud and this often leads their mouths gaping. But I’ve learned by being this way, that more folk will just view me as the weirdo that makes work fun. They view me as the original enigma. But I really can’t make “outside” friends with them due to their being in High school.

How often do the ones you work with hang out with each other outside of work? If it’s because you can’t find a lot to talk about (in comparison to the “normal” being able to hold conversation lasting for an hour or longer), then you may have to break the ice and tell them your dilemma. They may try to make it a bit easier for you and actually realize that you have more than conversation to offer. Good Luck

Me too. I can feel the tension start inside me when I have to talk to somebody (with a few exceptions). It probably shows in my expression and I think maybe you can hear it in my voice too. Actually I have read that people in general tense up a bit when talking to others. But I believe that I have it worse than others. Like you, I am always wondering what I should say to keep the conversation going, and have great trouble thinking of anything, a lot of the time. No way does it come naturally.

I fail at keeping half the friends I meet. Either that or they're just pricks.

Hello bri899

This is your first post, and I've never met you, so I can't say whether you're an aspie or not, but the situation you described is something almost all aspies experience. Have you got obsessions, weird specialized interests that fascinate you and nobody else can understand why you find it so interesting, or why you enjoy it so much. If you do, maybe you could figure out a way to connect with other people who share your interest. That would put you in a situation where you would always have something to talk about.

Yes, I can relate, and I know exactly what it's like.

I have problems making friends too. The only long term friends I have ATM are my ex BF and his friend and I always leave it up to them to make social dates etc (Which reminds me, he was prolly home this holidays and he DIDN'T call me ). I classify my workmates as 'people I know'. I know thier names, where they live and how many kids they have etc. But I've never been social with them. I try my best to converse with them. Never have much to say though

I have only 1 true friend. But the downside to that is he lives all the way in NZ. The rest are acquaintances whom I like.

I understand exactly what you're saying here...

I have been interested in what exactly changes a simple encounter with a person - when you first meet someone, for example - into a friendship.

I think it's in who(whom? even the grammar of my own tongue confuses me sometimes) you know, especially in high school. I am getting the impression that whomever your existing friends are give you the power to create new relationships. And if you've nothing to start with... where does that lead you?

As well, I don't feel comfortable talking to people my age. I've always found most other high school students hostile. As much as I want to talk directly and honestly to them, as much as I want to have good, balanced conversations with people, I have a fear of saying the wrong thing. It's the ghost of past experiences coming back to haunt me...

And because of that I am lost for words - and tense, like a lot of you - with new people my age.

As well, I have no idea when, after getting in a conversation (successful or not) with someone else, it is or is not safe to initiate another conversation back to them. They all have their 1,000,000 friends, you know...

Ah. The concept of true friends.

I am admittedly unskilled at making such an assessment.


Of the people who I am "reasonably sure" are true friends, the determination was largely made when I either talked about non-trivial/superficial stuff (as it became relevant in the conversation... not just dumping it out) or they read my blog (filled with non-trivial/superficial stuff), and they reacted positively to it. Fake friends ignore it and move onto the next superficiality/get scared away. Real friends listen.

Of course, you can't really just throw things on people you've just met... they need to get a sense that they "know" you first. How this works, I'm not entirely sure, but the whole "hey, want to grab a beer/watch a movie/play videogames/have lunch" thing (either directed to a group or a specific person) seems to be a major part of the initiation process.