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Paul123
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03 Dec 2011, 5:23 pm

Hi,

I'm looking for an opinion on something.

At work there was a girl that I really liked and think that she may have liked me to, though I'm not 100% sure.

She was in the middle of a relationship that had been going on for 18 months upwards and she only ever said really nice things about her boyfriend/partner whenever it came up, and I did lead some conversations down that path just to try to get a feel for things.

With all that said however, there was a point when we happened to be alone, the last point when I would see her before she moved to a different job, and I got the impression that perhaps she wanted me to ask her out - but I'm not sure as I'm not great at reading things.

My own feeling is that if someone is involved in a relationship with another person then they've made a committment to them, and that it would therefore be wrong for the third party (me) to ask her out on a date (therefore I didn't even though I would have liked to). I feel quite strongly that this is right, but obviously know that lots of NTs see things differently from how I tend to view the world.

Two questions - was/is this silly of me or right? And in the NT world would it be normal for the girl to expect me to ask her out even if she was in a relationship with someone else?

Thanks



Maymac
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03 Dec 2011, 11:37 pm

Mmm... All I know is I wouldn't do it. It's just not fair on the boyfreind.



Fnord
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03 Dec 2011, 11:40 pm

I'd say something like, "He's a lucky guy, and I hope he knows it". That gets the point across without provoking anyone's territorial imperative.


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Maymac
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03 Dec 2011, 11:59 pm

I'm sorry but that sounds really obviouse to me.

'Mmm... he's a lucky guy.... It would be a shame if something were to HAPPEN TO HIM :twisted: '



Wolfheart
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04 Dec 2011, 4:37 am

Paul123 wrote:
Hi,

I'm looking for an opinion on something.

At work there was a girl that I really liked and think that she may have liked me to, though I'm not 100% sure.

She was in the middle of a relationship that had been going on for 18 months upwards and she only ever said really nice things about her boyfriend/partner whenever it came up, and I did lead some conversations down that path just to try to get a feel for things.


It sounds to me as if she was quite happy in her relationship, generally if women talk the world about their boyfriends, it means they are happy and content. Also some women are flirtatious, teasing and playful by nature, it doesn't mean they want a relationship. It could mean a number of things, some women also have casual intimate partners on the side and I have even seen it in real life. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. You sound like a good bloke, don't sell yourself short or fixate on her, move on and find someone that is available and ready to be in a relationship with you.



Fnord
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04 Dec 2011, 11:23 pm

Maymac wrote:
I'm sorry but that sounds really obviouse to me. 'Mmm... he's a lucky guy.... It would be a shame if something were to HAPPEN TO HIM :twisted: '

Do not infer beyond that which was stated. Your implication is yours, and not mine.

I have said "He's a lucky guy, and I hope he knows it" to many women over the years, and in nearly every instance, the guy not only did not seem to know how lucky he was, he didn't even care - unfortunately, it usually takes about 10 to 15 years for the woman to realize, and most of those relationships ended badly, and usually only after children were born.

If he waits long enough, the OP may catch his lady love on the rebound.


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Pengu1n
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05 Dec 2011, 12:06 am

^ Dude, that is an awesome line. I'm going to hang on to that one and break it out almost EVERY time some girl tells me she has a boyfriend. Thanks ! !! !! !! !! !!



Sweetleaf
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05 Dec 2011, 12:07 am

Pengu1n wrote:
^ Dude, that is an awesome line. I'm going to hang on to that one and break it out almost EVERY time some girl tells me she has a boyfriend. Thanks ! !! !! !! !! !!


or maybe you should respect she has a boyfriend and is probably not intrested if she does have one.


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Pengu1n
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05 Dec 2011, 12:20 am

Yeah but I could keep the door open and possibly "plant the seed" for something that could happen in the near or distant future if that relationship terminates.



Sweetleaf
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05 Dec 2011, 12:27 am

Pengu1n wrote:
Yeah but I could keep the door open and possibly "plant the seed" for something that could happen in the near or distant future if that relationship terminates.


Well it usually does not work that way in real life.


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Pengu1n
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05 Dec 2011, 12:38 am

^ I only need it to work once........ :)



tronist
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05 Dec 2011, 1:06 am

Fnord wrote:
If he waits long enough, the OP may catch his lady love on the rebound.
this is very true, but the act of WAITING for this girl in anticipation of things to come is NOT a good move, i assure you. all it does is stress you out, make you depressed, keep you 'clouded', and in the end sometimes they choose someone over you (who had been waiting) anyways! it doesnt help you at all to wait for someone.

that time could be spent looking for someone whom you have an actual chance with because they are actually single.



Paul123
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05 Dec 2011, 7:51 am

Thanks everyone - I love that line too thanks.

tronist - that's really good advice thanks.

In the original question I was also interested to know whether whether some/most NT girls would have expected to get asked out even when its clear they are with someone else - is this the case (it strikes me personally as being morally morally reprehensible regardless but I was wondering if NT girls see anything wrong in this or think its just the norm?).