Can't find a way out. want to suicide

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lostmyself
Deinonychus
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09 Dec 2011, 3:43 am

I've been suffering from bipolar depression for quite sometime now and lately I was fired from work that supported my education. So I lost my source of financial aid for school and my job. I was fired because somebody who stole from work pushed the blame on me and well long story short no one believes that I didn't steal from work. My family is my only source of emotional support but they didn't receive the news well and have stopped talking to me (they know I didn't steal, but they think I being a pushover has caused me this crisis and refuse to talk to me). My parents don't believe bipolar depression exists though I was diagnosed twice. I am broke financially and also have to repay the money my colleague claims I stole from work. I feel suicidal though I know suicide won't do me good. I don't see how I'll will ever find a way out of this crisis. Help me.



Dox47
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09 Dec 2011, 4:10 am

You can always kill yourself tomorrow, there's no rush. I'm not trying to be flippant, procrastination has been my most effective tool in my own battles with suicidal thoughts. I should explain that I'm a diagnosed neurotic depressive and I work with guns, so I could literally off myself at any time. I find that thought liberating, I own my continuing existence because I'm actively choosing to see what comes next minute to minute. My mantra goes something like this; "hey, I can check out whenever I want to, so I've got nothing to lose by putting it off and seeing if things get better". So far they always have, and I've been in some pretty dark places before.

How is your work trying to collect what you allegedly stole from them? Are they threatening to go to the police if you don't pay them? I've never been through that myself, but I've seen the process a few times with coworkers who were stealing, and unless they have you on tape they have don't have all that many options. They'll talk tough to try and scare you into paying them, but that's usually just a bluff.

In the end, it's your decision to make, and this does sound like a really crappy situation to be in, but I'd play it out. If death is your other option, what do you have to lose by seeing how things go?


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lostmyself
Deinonychus
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09 Dec 2011, 4:42 am

Ah thank you Dox47. I've been procrastinating to see how far I'd go for the past three months. Things hit rock bottom when my fiance broke up with me last week. Its the depression thats killing me and I feel I should kill myself to free myself of the depression.

Dox47 wrote:

How is your work trying to collect what you allegedly stole from them? Are they threatening to go to the police if you don't pay them? I've never been through that myself, but I've seen the process a few times with coworkers who were stealing, and unless they have you on tape they have don't have all that many options. They'll talk tough to try and scare you into paying them, but that's usually just a bluff.



Yes, that is what they say but yes they don't have solid proof. plus the one that stole from work is a good friend of the boss's. I've been brave so far because I know they have no proof and I didn't do it, but their regular threatening is torturing me.



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09 Dec 2011, 5:11 am

lostmyself wrote:
I've been suffering from bipolar depression for quite sometime now and lately I was fired from work that supported my education. So I lost my source of financial aid for school and my job. I was fired because somebody who stole from work pushed the blame on me and well long story short no one believes that I didn't steal from work. My family is my only source of emotional support but they didn't receive the news well and have stopped talking to me (they know I didn't steal, but they think I being a pushover has caused me this crisis and refuse to talk to me). My parents don't believe bipolar depression exists though I was diagnosed twice. I am broke financially and also have to repay the money my colleague claims I stole from work. I feel suicidal though I know suicide won't do me good. I don't see how I'll will ever find a way out of this crisis. Help me.


If your work has security cameras, demand they be reviewed. You should also talk to a lawyer.



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09 Dec 2011, 5:16 am

Please Don't let your thoughts go into action. I am a mom of 4, was dx bipolar over a decade ago, until the drs realized that i am actually Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple personalities).,, anxiety, and major depressive disorder. Please tell someone you feel this way. When everything got too much for me, one of my other personalities told a doctor, and I was hospitalized. I wasn't happy about it, but it is now 2 years later, and it turns out to be the best thing that could've happened. I was afraid, but now with midicine, my suicidal thoughts are hardly there anymore. I hope this helps you in some way to know that there IS someone that understands. Luv


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Dox47
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09 Dec 2011, 7:34 am

lostmyself wrote:
Ah thank you Dox47. I've been procrastinating to see how far I'd go for the past three months. Things hit rock bottom when my fiance broke up with me last week. Its the depression thats killing me and I feel I should kill myself to free myself of the depression.


Hmm, I'm really sorry to hear that about your fiance, that's really terrible timing and I'm sure it's amplified your depression exponentially. I hate to sound flip or trite again, but it is true that the nice thing about rock bottom is only having one way to go from there.

I'll make an unorthodox (get it? :) ) suggestion and ask if you can redirect some of the depression outward into anger? You've got an employer that's falsely accused you, a fiance who abandoned you, and a family who's shunning you; are any of them worthy of some anger from you? I only suggest it because your situation is so dire, and it might save your life and sanity to temporarily redirect some of those awful feelings away from yourself. Long term anger isn't healthy, but neither is suicidal depression, and you have to be alive to be angry after all. Anything to keep you going just a little bit longer is good at this point, even if it's not the best thing you could be doing in the long run.

lostmyself wrote:
Yes, that is what they say but yes they don't have solid proof. plus the one that stole from work is a good friend of the boss's. I've been brave so far because I know they have no proof and I didn't do it, but their regular threatening is torturing me.


Threaten them right back; you've got wrongful termination, possible slander/libel if they've told people you're a thief, and certainly simple unemployment, which they'd have to produce their "proof" that you were stealing in order to fight. If you can take my suggestion above and generate some anger, here is the place to use it. You don't need a lawyer to file for unemployment, and simply doing that will force their hand with the theft accusations. If you can muster the energy to try and talk to a lawyer, you may be able to find a civil liberties or labor lawyer that will work for free, or one who's willing to work on contingency. In your case, who cares if the lawyer takes a big chunk of any settlement, this is about clearing your name and punishing that boss and his lackey for sullying your reputation.

That's my take anyway, feel free to add salt as necessary. :wink:


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09 Dec 2011, 10:35 am

I'm really sorry all this is happening to you.

I think you should sue the boss's friend and the company for defamation of character, libel, and anything else a lawyer can come up with. And yes, if there are cameras, get them reviewed before they get deleted, which is something else you might want to talk to a lawyer about. This would change your "passive" aspect and they would have to deal with the lawyer, not you.

Also you could write to The Samaritans

http://www.samaritans.org/

They are in UK and I'm in Canada - it's amazing how supportive they can be. They've helped me through quite a few things.

I wish your family was nicer, they're blaming the victim (you).



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09 Dec 2011, 11:27 am

lostmyself wrote:
I've been suffering from bipolar depression for quite sometime now and lately I was fired from work that supported my education. So I lost my source of financial aid for school and my job. I was fired because somebody who stole from work pushed the blame on me and well long story short no one believes that I didn't steal from work. My family is my only source of emotional support but they didn't receive the news well and have stopped talking to me (they know I didn't steal, but they think I being a pushover has caused me this crisis and refuse to talk to me). My parents don't believe bipolar depression exists though I was diagnosed twice. I am broke financially and also have to repay the money my colleague claims I stole from work. I feel suicidal though I know suicide won't do me good. I don't see how I'll will ever find a way out of this crisis. Help me.


Wow your family wont talk to you because they think some jerk took advantage of you?......sorry they think that way, because that is a horrible reason to not talk to a family member if anything that would be a reason for them to be more supportive and helpful. But I guess people don't choose their families.

Wish I had some more advice but I have not had to deal with any situations quite like this, is there anyone you can talk to like close friends or a therapist who could maybe help?



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09 Dec 2011, 4:50 pm

Claradoon wrote:
I think you should sue the boss's friend and the company for defamation of character, libel, and anything else a lawyer can come up with. And yes, if there are cameras, get them reviewed before they get deleted, which is something else you might want to talk to a lawyer about. This would change your "passive" aspect and they would have to deal with the lawyer, not you.

One of my friends relatives got fried from Sears years ago because they thought he stole a lawnmower; & they made it difficult for him to get a new job because they naturally gave him a bad reference so he sue them for wrongful termination & won a good amount of money for it due to damages with future employment & he was able to get his name cleared because he has some kind of legal paperwork that he didn't steal


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09 Dec 2011, 7:21 pm

During the past year I feel as if I've been to Hell and back, and there have been several occasions when I've considered suicide as the only practical solution to resolving my problems. The reason I'm still alive is that each time I've become so desperate that life appears intolerable, I have reasoned that if I have hit rock bottom then the only possibilities are for me to stay at rock bottom, or for my situation to improve. I wait. Although it is possible to stay at rock bottom for a long time, there comes a moment when things improve. The improvement may be almost insignificant and it may be brief, but it means that there is hope, and it is what keeps me here for just one more day.

Dox 47 said what I'm trying to say - but he said it far more eloquently.



lostmyself
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10 Dec 2011, 2:44 am

Thank you all. I now have anhedonia from depression but I am sure when I get a bit better I'll push myself to go forth and fight for my life.

@Dox47: I've implosive anger. I get irritated but stay meek until it has to explode.
Thanks Clardoon I've written to the Samaritans.
@Sweetleaf:The only therapist I know is a jerk and wont talk if I can't give him money and my parents are my only source of financial support now. My old therapist works at school but I've moved back to my home town now. I think I'll email them.
@Nick: I shall do so when I'm better thanks.
@Grazia: Thanks I'm still holding on. Glad you've survived the suicidal stage. :) Yes things do get better.



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10 Dec 2011, 6:58 pm

I agree. If your place of work cannot prove you committed that theft then they are quite liable to being sued for it. Contact a lawyer and check your options. Most lawyers do a free consultation and don't charge anything if you win the case (they get their cut then).

The lawyer handles it all from there you do not need to do any arguing/fighting yourself.

Wrongful termination is not something to be taken lightly especially if its on ground of theft. As someone said above, that goes into your 'references' and you dont want that. Also having a lawyer contact your ex-workplace with the initial paperwork for a lawsuit makes most companies back off their theft claims and settle out of court (especially after their lawyers figure out they cant prove you were the thief..or worse for them, that there is proof it was someone else!)... you'd get no bad references and some good money out of them.

I'm sorry to hear about your fiancee leaving you like that but think of it on the bright side.. its better he showed his true colors now than years later into the marriage. You can now find someone better!

as for your family.. i would guess that once they find out you've hired an attack dog lawyer to fight back it would be enough to dispel their attitude.



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11 Dec 2011, 5:41 am

Oh, I hate to always be suggesting drugs to people, but years ago when I was far enough into a hole to be unable to work, I was able to go to a state psychiatrist and get 'scripped for something called Luvox, or fluvoxamine. They said it was an anti-depressant, but for me it was a complete emotional anesthetic, as in I felt nothing emotionally. I call it Nietzsche in a bottle, it was fast acting, didn't have side effects, and completely cut me off from the emotional swings that were making me so upset at the time. I stayed on it for about 3 months, after which the triggering events were distant enough and I'd spent enough time reflecting on them while emotionally insulated that I was able to function again with full emotional input without getting overwhelmed. I haven't taken it in years, but I still have half a bottle of it in the back of the medicine cabinet just in case.

An aside; I've been given so many meds over the years by scrip happy doctors who've misdiagnosed me that it's more like a medicine closet in my case. I never toss that stuff, usually because I noticed some property of a drug that wasn't what I wanted but seemed useful to keep around. If it wasn't for the law, I'd be tempted to set up an Aspie pill exchange with other people who are rich in failed meds to help out people who can't afford theirs, I know I'm not the only one who's been through multiple failed treatment regimens.


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lostmyself
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13 Dec 2011, 12:33 am

Dox47 wrote:
Oh, I hate to always be suggesting drugs to people, but years ago when I was far enough into a hole to be unable to work, I was able to go to a state psychiatrist and get 'scripped for something called Luvox, or fluvoxamine. They said it was an anti-depressant, but for me it was a complete emotional anesthetic, as in I felt nothing emotionally. I call it Nietzsche in a bottle, it was fast acting, didn't have side effects, and completely cut me off from the emotional swings that were making me so upset at the time. I stayed on it for about 3 months, after which the triggering events were distant enough and I'd spent enough time reflecting on them while emotionally insulated that I was able to function again with full emotional input without getting overwhelmed. I haven't taken it in years, but I still have half a bottle of it in the back of the medicine cabinet just in case.

An aside; I've been given so many meds over the years by scrip happy doctors who've misdiagnosed me that it's more like a medicine closet in my case. I never toss that stuff, usually because I noticed some property of a drug that wasn't what I wanted but seemed useful to keep around. If it wasn't for the law, I'd be tempted to set up an Aspie pill exchange with other people who are rich in failed meds to help out people who can't afford theirs, I know I'm not the only one who's been through multiple failed treatment regimens.


Thanks I've been meditating to deal with the depression. I almost feel as good as new again.


Dantac wrote:
I agree. If your place of work cannot prove you committed that theft then they are quite liable to being sued for it. Contact a lawyer and check your options. Most lawyers do a free consultation and don't charge anything if you win the case (they get their cut then).

The lawyer handles it all from there you do not need to do any arguing/fighting yourself.

Wrongful termination is not something to be taken lightly especially if its on ground of theft. As someone said above, that goes into your 'references' and you dont want that. Also having a lawyer contact your ex-workplace with the initial paperwork for a lawsuit makes most companies back off their theft claims and settle out of court (especially after their lawyers figure out they cant prove you were the thief..or worse for them, that there is proof it was someone else!)... you'd get no bad references and some good money out of them.

I'm sorry to hear about your fiancee leaving you like that but think of it on the bright side.. its better he showed his true colors now than years later into the marriage. You can now find someone better!


Thank you. I've been talking to this lawyer I met through a friend who seems pretty helpful.