Girl I want to meet again

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Hey. I dropped out of school 2 years ago. But, before I dropped out, there was a girl I liked. Something about her was different than any other girl I'd ever met, maybe just her thought pattern, or how she dealt with others, I don't know, but I really liked her. We talked everyday during class, and on the way to the buses (Infinitely more than I'd ever willingly done with anyone else). I didn't ask her out then (I would have if I'd known what I know now) because the feeling of liking someone was alien to me, and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to work with it. And I thought about meeting up with her again before, but I was dealing with the more intense Social Anxiety that forced me to drop out in the first place.

I want to meet with this girl again. I would like to date her, but my main goal is to become friends with her regardless of that. I really want to be able to talk to someone I actually want to talk to again, you know? So, here's the situation. We never talked outside of school, and never exchanged numbers, so I can't really contact her like that. BUT, I do remember her telling (And showing, via the internet) me where she worked. It was an animal care center. She really cared a lot about animals, and she probably still has the same job (If she doesn't, I'll figure something else out). I don't have a car, so if I go there, I'll need to take a bus.

But, what I want to know, would it be weird for me to show up at her workplace and ask to talk to her when she gets off? I also have been thinking about getting a dog, and have a few questions that I can use as filler (Even though I will find the information useful), so it won't seem like I'm going there just for her (Even though I mostly am). My plan is take two buses and walk a bit (about 3 hours worth of time each way), walk in, ask if she works there. If she is there... I can't figure out what the first thing I'm supposed to say is... then talk to her about Double (My pre-named future dog), then ask if she would be available to talk at a small nearby restaurant/cafe or something to catch up. Then talk... about stuff... hopefully I'll think of something, and not fail by this point. And then ask if she wants to be friends, working from there, aiming for friends first, then if possible, date and hope for the best there on out.

So my issues are as following, precisely. Would it be weird for me to show up at her workplace? What should I say about me coming to see her ("Hey, I took two buses to come see you" or "Hey, remember me" or "Hey, I wanted to see you")? And then, how exactly do I ask someone if they want to be friends? I never learned that last thing. Never had a reason to, before her.

That could possibly go one of two ways, she will either think you're an obsessive stalker who has been following her around or she will think it's cute if she finds you cute, either way, you'll never know unless you try.

I'm going, I just want to be as prepared as I can mentally.

Hi Zidiane, as a girl, I'd recommend you look up the phone number of the place she works and give her a call. Showing up where she works might seem kind of stalker-ish. Ask her over the phone if she'll have a coffee with you, or if you could exhange emails and get reaquainted that way.

That one is also purely stalker-ish.

My advice? Forget it, it has been two years, you should have done this after weeks or a month, not after 2 years. It's too late to re-establish contact now, it's too late.

Or try to buy a pet from there?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 09 Dec 2011, 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Possible to establish a friendship but don't make it the reason, say that you went because you like the hospitality of animals in care and that there are services that are able to help them when they are in need. You could say that you didn't know she worked there (if she still does) and that it has been a long time. Though a lot can happen in two years so I'd go but don't hold your breath that she is there still.
For everything else, there's facebook.

So unless I contact her through Facebook, I'm a stalker. Awesome.

It was impossible for me to be anywhere near people for almost 14 months after I dropped out. I wasn't in the frame of mind to even consider revisiting anything that reminded me of that.

Well... Hmm... What if I volunteer at the animal center? That would put me in contact with her for more than one interaction, without my purpose being seeing her? And I would get a greater chance of seeing her, especially if I waste 6 hours my first trip and she's not there. Then I would be able to re-establish myself, earn bonus awesome points for helping animals, and be able to take my time before engaging in a "Coffee Talk"? That would all put it in slow motion, not like a weirdo you barely knew asking you to coffee. Right?

If you want her that bad, go for it.

At least, it would look more coincidental.


Don't be ...very honest with your reaction, try to not show on your face that you were expecting her to be there (if she is still there), you aren't supposed to still remember a such tiny detail that was told to you only once two years ago. If you do, you would sound very creepy and obsessive, and she would suspect your real intention behind joining the center.


Be like "Jessica?! ! Is that you?! What are you doing here? "






"Jessica?! ! Is that you?! What are you doing here? " == not honest, but Good.

"Jessica! Thanks God that you're still working here, remember me? I am Mike..from school! I joined the center so i can meet you again!" == honest, but Bad...very Bad.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 10 Dec 2011, 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Right, wait... How is my answer stalker-ish if I said do not make her the reason you went there? Animal Stalkers don't exist, do they?
Maybe she will remember you. If she does, stick to the plan of going there for voluntary or to simply take an interest, not because she is there. I assume you know not to say: I remember this place from what you said two years ago... this has been said most of all in a variety of ways.

Major creepy stalker alert! Don't do it!

Why? Because she is trapped at work. You are putting her in a corner she can't get out of. First dates, or even the lead up to one, should always allow both parties the option to get away if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Having your own transportation to a date gives you both the option of leaving alone if you feel unsafe. Showing up at her work is sending a direct message: "hey, I have been watching you. I know where you work. I know you will be stuck here while I pressure you."

If you go to her work to see her, do not dump your feelings on here there. Rude at best and abusive at worst. If you see her at work limit your interaction to: "hey I remember you. You were nice to talk to. what are you up to these days?" and leave it at that. If you find that you have a genuine common interest in that conversation, then maybe it's safe to proceed with "huh, that's crazy. I'm doing a lot of that myself these days. If you ever want to do that project together¹, feel free to ask me."

If you have no apparent common interests, just let it go at that. You have reminded the person of your existence, and if they have fond memories of you and want to pursue it, they now know you are still around.

It is generally more respectful to invite someone to do something with you, if they feel like it, than to express your desire to do something with the other person. So: "I want to hang out with you" = bad. "If you ever feel like hanging out and catching up, give me a ring" = good.

Keep in mind that a couple of years have passed. You are not attracted to the person she is now, but rather the memory you have of the person she was then.

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¹ - "do that project together" could also be "go to that show together," "compare portfolios," "talk about common interest over coffee," etc.

I have an excellent memory when it comes to conversations. I can recall nearly all of the exact words in most conversations I've had as far back as the fourth grade. She's not a special case in that sense, I still remember the street a boy lived on when he told me in 6th grade , the name of another girl's employer when she complained to me about him in 9th grade, the video game a boy in 5th grade had just beaten, the crossword my algebra teacher had finally come across after nearly 40 minutes of frustration, the children's book my cousin told me she wanted to write nearly 6 years ago, etc. etc. I don't mention it to people really, because they do find it weird.



They do. I've seen them.



OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU DO THAT! I've thought for about two weeks trying to say that exact thing! Can I bring you with me? Honestly, I wish you were, like, the little social angel on my shoulder. It would make things so much easier. And, you know, everything else you've said is so awesome that I'm trying to commit the entire message to memory at the moment.



I try to keep that in mind. With her, and other friends I had. I've acknowledged that it is an issue of mine, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I try not to let it affect how I interact with people I used to know, I don't get upset when they aren't like I remembered or anything, I try to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that people change.

i'd call her workplace and explain you are a school friend and ask if her colleagues could get her to call you. or just go there. Really hard to judge