I'm being killed (again)

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There are a lot of people with AS that are grown adults now. But... I'm only 17. And I can't imagine being a grown adult anymore. Know why?

This loneliness is slowly but surely murdering me from the inside out.

* Every person I get interested in, I have to SYSTEMICALLY work to become my friend. Like a freaking stategy game. That is fun for the first few years... but now it is taking its toll on my mind. I'm only seventeen, and already I'm tired of people. Sick and tired of looking at them. Smelling them. Hearing them.

* This need for romantic companionship, one that isn't going to be fulfilled anytime soon, is on the verge of driving me insane. I find myself sometimes thinking about ripping my testicles out to stop the potent flow of hormones. No testicles = no sexual drive. I ACTUALLY CONSIDER DOING THIS!

* The fact that most people, not even people on the internet share my obsession, magnifies this lonely feeling about a million-times fold. You know what my obsession is? Short, thin girls with short black hair and pale skin. That is my obsession. It is good to be unique, but to be this unique, can be damaging to the mind.

* Maybe since I know how close I am to going crazy, there is some help for me. I can't go to a shrink anymore. Don't even ask why; not my fault. I seriously debate the sanity of my own mother, and my stepdad is a very busy person.

I'm not here to complain. I don't like complaining, because it makes me feel weak. But this time I'll admit that I am weak. Very weak. Sick and tired of having to put up with this loneliness and isolation.

If anyone has some inspirational word that can change this all around, or at least some ADVICE... I would appreciate the hell out of that.
_________________
"You can call me Joker... and as you can see, I'm a lot happier!"

Oh Steve posted the same thread in two places. The admins likely locked it for that
reason and that reason alone.

Would help if they say so.

I voted for full disclosure and transparency.