Lonely

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Right now I am so lonely that I can't stand it. But I can't do the things necessary to develop any type of relationship right now. I am very confused. I don't know what to do because I shouldn't be in this place. I f****d up really badly and now have to pay the price. I can't find a job and have no moneuy so dating is out of the question. I have no friend and usually like being by myself. I read a lot and amy rahter athletic. i swim and workout but can't bring myself to go to the gym.

i hope you live outside of america in a nation with universal health care, so you can at least be seen by a therapist.

Don't.

First I work oout almost every day. i ahve been ahtletic most of my life. I had a car accident in 2009 and broke my back. I lost ov er 50 pounds and nhaven't regained it all. My body looks nothing like it used to . I can't seem to get that out of my mind. It never will. Something that is missing is a boyfriend or regular sex partner. This is the first time in my life I haven't had one. I have body touching problems and can only have some types of sex. It's hard to find another guy who understands. I am a nontraditional grad student. I read a lot but most of the other studnets aren't near my age, or are straight and maried. I think that your willingess to help might be rewarded but I think some of your ideas are not apporpriate.

thaks,
Craig

You are, of course, the only judge of what's appropriate for you. All I can do is share my own experience and insights. You can take what you find valuable, and should freely ignore the rest.

I feel your pain OP.

I'm only 20 and have the adult skills of a 12 year old, I'm already feeling like I'll never really fully develop any meaningful relationship. I'm ridiculously nerdy and shy, I have no job and only get money on my birthday or on xmas. I'm wanting to get a gym membership but my family refuses to let me get one at their gym because they assume I wont want to go work out because "the computer is a higher priority to me".

I'm very lonely and have no real friends, I feel messed up thinking that a relationship would help me right now but I honestly do. I have major jealousy issues and it infuriates me that someone who is supposedly just as down as I am AND YOUNGER can somehow manage to succeed socially much better than I ever can.

I sit and program for 14 hours a day, so I dont really have many friends either. I feel you OP.

I know I sound like a broken record, but a "relationship" isn't something that's going to magically make your life perfect. Life isn't a Disney movie where Prince Charming appears by magic to save you from yourself.

Honestly, it sounds like your biggest single problem at this point is depression. The good news is that depression is pretty easy to treat. Antidepressants won't make you "happy", they just enable you to step back, see the bigger picture, and come up with an effective strategy to move forward and make positive changes in your life.

Just don't be in too big of a hurry to quit the antidepressants the moment you don't feel depressed anymore. Depression is like a badly-sprained ankle. Antidepressants are like a splint. The same way that a sprained ankle can instantly be re-injured if you accidentally step on something the wrong way while it's still healing, you can be instantly kicked back into depression if you prematurely discontinue the meds before you're healed back up again.

Once you've got your depression under control, ask to be evaluated for ADD, and consider trying something like dextroamphetamine (it's one of the four active ingredients in Adderall, and IMHO is usually a better option for Aspies than Adderall itself). Roughly half of Aspies can benefit from stim meds, and you might be one of them. If you are, you'll find that it will be an *enormous* help at "getting your life together" and "getting things done".

There's no shame in antidepressants. I'd venture a guess that if you were to poll this site's users who are doing well in life, close to 100% have taken antidepressants at one point or another. For your first antidepressant, it barely even matters which one you take, because most will work well enough to at least get you into a state where you can rationally plan your next step (the second antidepressant to try, which will be better than the first).