A conclusion I came to about suicide.

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Even at my absolute worst, where I feel like I could make an attempt/or actually make an attempt, I regret it/don't fully go through with it. Even if that is fear of death, it means that I'm not going to go through with it, so why torture myself.

I know if it were up to me, I wouldn't have been born and that there really is no reason for me to be here, but since I'm not going to go through with suicide, why think about it?

I'm trying to get to a point where I just live each day, not a happy person, but just going through the motions until death naturally comes.

Like someone said on here to someone else, when you have no goals/no passion for life, you really have nothing to lose because nothing has any meaning to you. Most people value their life and prematurely dying would be the worst possible scenario for them. I'm trying to emphasize to myself that I don't really care about life and just live out my days until the lord takes me from this horrible place.

Last edited by nilescrane on 28 Dec 2011, 3:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

I too feel the same way. Basically, that's why i'm such a negative person. Everyone always has the nerve to as me "Why are you so negative?" "Why are you so quiet?" And I end up being ashamed of myself for it, But it's just how I am.

They just don't know what it's like. The crippling thoughts that fill my head. They just don't know what it's like for me to live with this disability. I can manage it pretty well, but sometimes it slips.

But those are the reasons behind my negativity and bleak outlook on this thing we call "Life."

The best thing I can do is not have a kid and have him or her have to fend for him or herself on here. It ends with me.

Nature has tried to tempt me with hot women in porn and the like...I'm not biting. No kids ever. Perhaps no sex ever even if I get the opportunity down the road.

Yeah, I'm for DAMNED sure not having kids. Reasons why:

1. I'll probably never meet a woman for that matter.

2. I'm not raising a child in the 21st century. It's just not happening. The 90's was the last decade for kids with common sense/any sense at all.

3. The child will most likely be slightly autistic as myself, and I won't let a child or my child for that matter live a life like mine, and suffer silently.

4. I just don't want them, and how can I support a child when i can't even support myself first?

I wouldn't want them anyway even if my situation were different (I find kids annoying and not "cute" at all.) But more importantly, like you said, the child would likely be at least slightly autistic, and wouldn't want to put him or her through something like that.

Exactly.

Some people picture themselves with kids, and let me tell you that I never envisoned myself with a family, not even because of my AS, but just because. That BS's for the birds. NEXT.

Agreed so far. I don't like children and am not interested in a relationship. Sex yes, friendship yes, but not necessarily with the same person, and NO woman is allowed to move into my house; that's my territory and i share it only with my cats.

I've been diagnosed with dysthymia several years ago and what's perceived by NT's as being negative or 'wrong' is part of it. However, from my pov the 'positive' lifestyle of NT's is just an illusion. They are taking incredible amounts of effort to make a career, get lots of useless material stuff, raise their brats, despite the fact they can't take anything with them.

Normal people are living in an illusory value system, but obviously it works for them.

In the past, dysthymia was also known as melancholy, and melancholic type was a character name. Much like my AS, i consider it part of my personality. I'd go even further by saying i find a certain kind of pleasure and satisfaction in it.

Who needs those yippee bags with their superficial cheerfulness? Their faked positive attitude is about as stable as a balloon.

I just wish death would take me now. 28 years is enough. The possibility of another 50? Jesus Christ. You hear about people getting all kinds of life threatening sicknesses, why can't I get one of those?

Because life is unfair.

The good thing like I said is that no one else will be put through this. It starts and ends with me. And maybe when my parents are dead 20-30 years from now, I'll have more incentive to actually go through with suicide.

NTs are just waiting to die too, they just don't realize it. They throw themselves into meaningless employment duties, working 40-50 years and saying "I'll enjoy myself when I'm retired", then they retire and the work that gave their lives meaning is no longer there, so they die of a broken heart.

They lived 70 years and accomplished what, exactly? Making some distant billionaire richer via the theft of their labor? A billionaire who doesn't care about his workers, nor think about their lives, and who has more money than he could spend in a hundred lifetimes?

NTs labor from age 5 to age 70, school, college, work, and have nothing to show for it except a rundown house in a once nice area that is now a ghetto, filled with worthless junk. Then they're dead, and the dumpsters pull up and in goes a lifetime of memories, off to the landfill. The house is sold and becomes a crack house like the others on the block. They are buried and have a gravestone. That grave is the last vestige of a life wasted.

The ad copy for the movie Braveheart said, "every man dies, not every man truly lives". If you're going to die, make sure that you live. Employers won't employ autistics, so employ yourself. If you live life well, you will be so much better than NTs who don't bother living at all.

I know my mom always wanted a baby boy, and she was happy to have me. But I decided early on that I couldn't handle marriage and parenthood, and I think I've been validated by all the NT women who post in Adult Life saying "I'm an NT married to an aspie, and our marriage is falling apart after only a couple years, but we have kids together so I can't leave him". AS people don't have the capability to handle another person in "their space". Two NTs can make allowances and come to an agreement. AS people need alone time. If they don't get it, they go nuts.

Most NT marriages are more like business relationships than love, at least after a couple years. Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in lust, girl gets pregnant, boy is forced to marry girl, boy and girl discover they're not compatible but have to stay together "for the sake of the kids". For millenia, that's how the human race operated. Women stayed pregnant from 15 to 45, popping out kid after kid, then died of exhaustion. Men worked all day providing for 10 kids, and the occasional romp in the sack was all the time the formerly hot couple got-which resulted in another pregnancy. Many kids died before age 5, and parents buried half their kids. Life sucked for NTs back then.

Today, having a kid practically guarantees a lifetime of poverty. We've gone to the other extreme, and nearly cut the father out entirely. Women milk men for child support money, then blow it on drugs, leaving their kids to suffer. I know of families that have generation after generation of young pregnancies-kids having kids at 18 or 19 or even younger, generation after generation. Some people seem to lack good judgement, and pass that on genetically.

I don't want to be tied to a random woman because we have kids, nor do I want a kid with autism, nor can I pay child support. I'm 37 and have managed to avoid it so far. I am consulting with a psychic who keeps telling me "you need a family, you need a pickup truck, you need a house in the suburbs yada yada", she's very old fashioned. She is good at what she does, so I have to tolerate the rest. But a lot of people just expect certain things, like you get married, you have kids, and you can support them. I can't support a family.