"Life is full of hardship"

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This has been a discussion with my shrink.

When I was young, my mother told me "Life is full of hardship".

My mind construed this to mean that it is wrong to be happy. My psychiatrist and I have discussed
that I have been sabotaging my life because I believe this.

Admittedly, I am a very impressionable person. At the same time, I do feel it was wrong for my mother
to tell me "Life is full hardship." It comes across as being negative. Personally, if I had children, I would
not make a statement like this to them.

Was it wrong for my mother to tell me this, or did I overreact?

Probably a little of both. Life *is* full of hardship, but that does not mean that your personal life has to be all hardship, 24/7. She probably meant to expect hardship sometimes during life. That's subtle, and nonspecific.

I'm like you, very literal and (once upon a time) very impressionable. I look back now and I see that it's probably very difficult to parent an ASD child. So much of what our children learn is by observation or example and not direct experience. Taking every statement at face value is not what's meant with English, unfortunately for us.

How this translates into self-sabotage is probably more nuanced than I can understand or comment on.

I don't think she taught you something unreasonable, and I likewise don't blame you for internalizing it to the extent that you have.

Well, in general, I think that she was right. Life is hard - sometimes, but not all of the time. The point that she was probably trying to make is that you need to expect difficult periods in your life from time to time. And, yes, sometimes it does seem as if it is 24/7, but for most people it isn't. It just seems that way.

As a great fan of Zorba The Greek, I have to quote this famous Zorba comment, "Life is trouble, only death is not. To be alive is to undo your belt and look for trouble!"

If you are Biblically inclined, then "Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." (Job 5:7)

If not, then "Life sucks... and then you die!" (the thrash metal bad Cerebral Fix from Birmingham, England. c. 1988)

You should learn to think for yourself. If you find that life is indeed full of hardship, so be it. Everyone is different.

I almost smashed my keyboard with my face.

Your shrink is definitely giving you a bs explanation for your problems to give you something to focus on. Usually this would be an okay strategy but, in this case, I can't see how it would be anything other than harmful.

This question shouldn't even be asked. You're wasting attention that could be focused elsewhere. It is highly unlikely that you could sabotage your life because of your mother telling you that life is full of hardship when you were a child. As for how honest you should be with your child, well that's up for debate. Personally, I believe that, since life is full of hardship, it would be extremely useful to tell your child this in order to prepare them for the future.

Usually I wouldn't be so quick to tell someone that their shrink is wrong, but if it's a choice between doubting your shrink and doubting your mother, well I know which would be more harmful to your mental well-being.

You have not been sabotaging your life because of what your mother said. I suggest you and your shrink try to find out what the real problem is so you can start taking positive steps. Good luck. OMG MY CAT JUST FARTED ARRRRGH