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Tell me you lack the skills to manage a business without saying you lack the skills to manage a business.

https://babylonbee.com/news/black-white ... o-the-sun/

Black, White Americans Join Hands Around Common Cause Of Launching Journalists Into The Sun



U.S.—In a rare moment of national unity, Americans of all races, backgrounds, and creeds have joined hands together across America around the shared belief that we should immediately launch all mainstream media journalists directly into the Sun.

"I know we don't agree on much these days, but this one's a no-brainer," said Dale Smith, a white guy from Townville Tennessee. "I'm honestly not sure why we didn't do this a long time ago."

Darnell Woodson, a black small business owner from Baltimore, agrees. "Wait a minute! We haven't launched all the lyin' journalists into the Sun yet? Well, no wonder things are so bad," he said.

Citizens, experts, and policymakers all agree that gathering up the people most responsible for the racial hatred and division in this country over the last decade, loading them all into a rocket, and launching them straight into the nearest star as quickly as possible is the most effective thing we can do to promote healing in America.

Elon Musk has announced he will dedicate one of his very own SpaceX rockets for the task. He will also dedicate a second rocket large enough to hold Brian Stelter.

https://babylonbee.com/news/rohan-criti ... nas-tirith

Rohan Criticized For Crossing State Lines To Defend Minas Tirith



PELENNOR FIELDS—King Theoden and his accomplices in Rohan are facing possible murder charges, the cavalry being under intense scrutiny for crossing state lines before defending their neighbor to the south.

"They crossed state lines to get here—and do they even have a permit for those spears?" asked one stunned Orc, Garflob Magobblegon. "They're basically just coming down here hunting innocent Orcs."

Indeed, Magobblegon produced reliable witnesses who claim Rohan had been collaborating with a Dúnedain ranger who uttered the slur, "Let's hunt some Orc," though others claim this account is apocryphal and is not reflected in the earliest accounts of the ranger's exploits.

"By the way, did I mention King Theoden CROSSED STATE LINES?! That used to mean something here in Middle Earth," the Orc added.

Footage of the event seems to show the Rohirrim acting in defense of their neighbors in Gondor. Middle Earth judges replayed the event in slow motion, and evidence does seem to show that the Rohirrim only charged in and slaughtered the Orcs and the Haradrim once they and their friends' lives were threatened by the roaming armies of Mordor out in the open field of battle. Nonetheless, many legal experts believe that crossing state lines adds another twist to this case.

"Rohan shouldn't have been there in the first place," said GNN reporter Borin Storrter. "King Theoden had no business being across state lines armed with a spear. If he had only minded his own business, as our GNN analyst Wormtongue advised, all those innocent Orcs would still be alive."

There is currently no word, however, as to where Gondor was when the Westfold fell.