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Comp_Geek_573
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01 Feb 2012, 10:39 pm

I've read that there is some degree of bisexuality in most people. Sexual orientation is not a 3-way switch that is either straight, bi or gay. Rather, it is a slider. A rheostat.

Mine just happens to be all the way at straight.

I will NOT accept being hugged by a man, no matter how good of friends I am with him. Not even if I'd fall madly in love if that person were a woman!! I will only very grudgingly tolerate a pat on the back from a man. Shaking hands is fine.

Furthermore, my few appearance standards in women have to do with them not looking too man-like. The amount of armpit or leg hair that the average man has (on a woman) would turn me off far more than ANY amount of weight, acne or lack of breasts.

This means that if there were a woman who crossdressed female-to-male, grew armpit and leg hair, yet was NOT gender dysphoric, the body hair would be a deal breaker to me, even though I really, REALLY don't want it to be. It would have ZERO to do with the crossdressing/transgenderism and everything to do with my inability to respond sexually to a woman who appears too man-like even in women's clothing. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

Anyone else feel like they are either hyper-straight, or hyper-gay?


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purchase
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01 Feb 2012, 10:51 pm

Question: You say you REALLY, REALLY don't want to NOT be attracted to unfeminine women. It seems pretty important to you. Why is that?



Comp_Geek_573
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01 Feb 2012, 11:00 pm

It's because I'm so fervently for the rights of people to dress how they want, groom themselves however they want, and get gender reassignment surgery without being judged. My mind and my conscience would say "no problem" yet my carnal instincts would say "NO WAY!"

It's really just the body hair that I'd find so unattractive though. No breasts? I'll live. And I've found a number of short-haired women (hair shorter than mine) to be really, REALLY beautiful.

I suppose there are plenty of men out there too who are friendly and honest enough to deserve my love, yet I'm way, WAY too straight to love them. It does NOT mean I'm against homosexuality, though.


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purchase
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01 Feb 2012, 11:05 pm

Nothing wrong with having a sexual orientation of one kind or another, no need to feel guilty. There are lots of people who would find the people you're not attracted to attractive so it generally works out, as I see it.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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02 Feb 2012, 12:04 am

Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
It's because I'm so fervently for the rights of people to dress how they want, groom themselves however they want, and get gender reassignment surgery without being judged. My mind and my conscience would say "no problem" yet my carnal instincts would say "NO WAY!"

Being for the rights of people to dress how they want, have and GRS and such has nothing to do with your right to have a personal preference. Being in favor of civil right does not mean you have to therefore have to be sexually attracted to black people. There is no connection. If you only want to date hispanic women under 5'2" from Columbia who are named "Maria", that is your right. "Tolerance" means you don't cause people harm -- it doesn't mean that you are required to to date or have sex with them.
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It's really just the body hair that I'd find so unattractive though. No breasts? I'll live. And I've found a number of short-haired women (hair shorter than mine) to be really, REALLY beautiful.

I suppose there are plenty of men out there too who are friendly and honest enough to deserve my love, yet I'm way, WAY too straight to love them. It does NOT mean I'm against homosexuality, though.

Yeah, that's it. You can be ok with gayness and not want to date guys. No contradiction. :wink:

As far as the "all people are bisexual" argument, I dunno. I suspect the reality of things is more complicated than the political arguments made about them. Some people (especially guys) probably are exclusively gay or straight.


Off-topic comment: I have a TV off to my right, muted. The screen just flashed the name of the show that's starting: "Moose Attack!"



Bun
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02 Feb 2012, 12:15 am

I think you say things that are typical for a lot of straight men, it sounds fairly normal.


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Declension
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02 Feb 2012, 12:58 am

Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
I will NOT accept being hugged by a man, no matter how good of friends I am with him.


This seems strange. Hugging has nothing to do with sexuality. At least, I hope not, considering the number of family members I've hugged over the years!

If you don't hug people, maybe that's more to do with the autism spectrum.



justalouise
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02 Feb 2012, 6:40 am

You can't be "hyper" straight or gay. You can, however, be entirely one way or another.

Why are you so averse to getting hugs or pats on the back from men?



fragileclover
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03 Feb 2012, 1:20 am

I'm a female and consider myself to be incredibly straight, considering that I find all vaginas to be absolutely repulsive, including my own...and I think penises are amazing; something that I've learned most straight women do not (many of my straight female friends have stated that yes, penises are better than vaginas, but that neither are attractive).

My boyfriend of four years is bisexual, and while I am in no way homophobic (I'm a member of the human rights campaign and just a huge supporter of GLBT rights, in general), I had a really tough time accepting that for a long time, because I absolutely can not fathom how he could be attracted to both (I'm totally cool with it now, btw).


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visagrunt
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03 Feb 2012, 11:37 am

I am--in the jargon--a, "pefect Kinsey 6." I have never been sexually attracted to a woman, I have never had a sex dream involving a woman, women have never featured in my fantasies, etc. If sexuality is a spectrum (and I don't doubt that it is) my sexuality is firmly dialed to the homosexual end, the dial has been removed and melted down, and the whole thing soldered over, covered in plaster and bricked in.

But I will willingly accept being hugged by a woman (provided of course it's not one of those creepy, "who-are-you-and-why-are-you-touching-me-OMG-I-need-an-adult!!" stealth hugs. Similarly when my straight male friends hug me, there is no sexual frisson--it's just a hug.


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fragileclover
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03 Feb 2012, 12:39 pm

visagrunt wrote:
I am--in the jargon--a, "pefect Kinsey 6." I have never been sexually attracted to a woman, I have never had a sex dream involving a woman, women have never featured in my fantasies, etc. If sexuality is a spectrum (and I don't doubt that it is) my sexuality is firmly dialed to the homosexual end, the dial has been removed and melted down, and the whole thing soldered over, covered in plaster and bricked in.


I think it makes a ton of sense for someone to be firmly on the homosexual side of the scale, rather than someone to be firmly on the heterosexual scale, since the scale, as far as I can tell, begins at heterosexual and ends up at homosexual. Not all spectrums work this way (such as ASDs), but if you accept that we all likely start out heterosexual in utero, and during development certain factors affect changes in the brain to alter our sexuality, it's probably much rarer for someone to be a '0', rather than a '6'.

Also, the homosexual side of the scale isn't affected the same way as the heterosexual side when it comes to same sex admiration/jealousy/body image issues. What I mean to say is, I consider myself to be, in regard to all things sexual, a '0' on the scale. However, I frequently find myself admiring other women, because their appearance is closer to what I'd like mine to be...if that makes sense. I once had a swimsuit model picture hanging on my bedroom wall, because I wanted to diet and workout so that I could look like her and look the same way in the swimsuit (which I wanted to buy). Since I acknowledge and am even at times taken aback by the beauty of other women, I feel like I can't identity as a '0', but perhaps a '1'.

As a gay male, if you're going to have body envy, it's going to be of another man...so, that doesn't create any kind of conflict.


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justalouise
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07 Feb 2012, 6:30 am

Admiring women isn't restricted to a particular gender. Images of the idealized female form are all over EVERYTHING. Being transfixed by the idea or admiring it has no bearing whatsoever on your sexuality, unless you feel sexual attraction. The Kinsey scale only serves to measure sexual orientation according to gender.



Magdalena
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08 Feb 2012, 2:57 am

I am a bisexual male. From my experience, I have to say that I seriously doubt that all people are at least a little bisexual.

I think that a LOT of people are at least a little bisexual. Maybe like 40 percent of the people who identify as being straight, in addition to the people who are openly bisexual.

And then we have the rest of those straight people who, whether it's in their genetic wiring or upbringing or whatever, are naturally quite straight and are, shall we say, naturally very good at enjoying the straight lifestyle. It's effortless for them. And the possibility of them being gay or bi has simply never occurred to them. End of story. From what I've seen, you'd be hard-pressed to convince me that the people I know who are like this have ever (seriously) questioned their heterosexuality, knowing their character and from having observed their behavior and remarks whenever the issue was discussed or ambiguous situations arose. And they're not straight out of fear of being gay/bi, either- again, it's effortless for them.

But we also have people who have absolutely, zero problem at all with knowing and admitting that they are: A.) gay or bi, and B.) love the living hell out of it. And they are absolutely unashamed. There are people I've known since they were little kids and I swear you could build a solid argument that these people have been gay or bi since their formative years.

For me, being bi was never a recent thing. Admitting it to myself and others, on the other hand, WAS a recent thing. It happened within the last year, in fact. And it was one of the most beautiful and fulfilling moments of my life. I had been so repressed and I never even had the slightest idea that my sexuality might not be what I always thought it was.

You are what you are, regardless of whether or not you admit it to yourself.

Also,

purchase wrote:
Question: You say you REALLY, REALLY don't want to NOT be attracted to unfeminine women. It seems pretty important to you. Why is that?


Purchase does bring up an interesting point...why do you find it necessary to (essentially) advertise your heterosexuality? I can see it being for one reason (but I could be wrong)- that you are fearful of the prospect of being gay or bi. Or maybe you're trying impress someone (women?) and you think they'll be impressed with your supposed hyper-heterosexuality.

If the reason is that you are fearful of the prospect of being gay or bi, then I will say this to you: the only way to deal with any fear at all is to find the source of it and address the source in a way that is as realistic and as constructively as possible. Once you do that, whatever the results turn out to be, I can promise that you will find no more reason to be afraid. :)

I don't know how much this answers your question, but I felt like I had to approach it from multiple angles in order to convey what I was thinking when I read your question. Hope all goes well.