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jessicha
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04 Feb 2012, 8:42 pm

I'm always asking myself that question, but really I wonder if I do belong here. In about a week I will go to get a psychological test done (FOUR HOURS, UGH!) and will find out if the reason I continue to be alone has anything to do with asperger's. Since middle school, possibly even before, I have been taunted/bullied, made to feel like an outsider in life. I never did make any friends really all through school, and college. I hate telephones, stay at home pretty much all day, have even stopped going on the internet much (wow, really? I never thought that'd happen) I have had a couple relationships - both of which were long and pretty much horrible... second one, my marriage, was even abusive. But, today, I don't date, and the few dates I have been on I just felt so self-conscious.

I have forever had this feeling like I am a life-failure, like everyone else took some class that told them how to get along, make friends, be normal. Is there a normal?

So, here I am... almost 38 years old, divorced mom to two kiddos, and wondering what has always seemed to stand in my way. Maybe it's just me in my own way, maybe if I just shook myself hard enough I could stop being so obsessive about what a failure I think I have been. Maybe I'm just severely depressed. I don't know. Maybe that test will give me a clue....

Has anybody else had to do a psychological test that took that long? Eeek, four hours sounds so intensive...

Thank you for reading and I am looking forward to reading more about the rest of you.



cathylynn
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04 Feb 2012, 8:54 pm

anyone raising two kids is more achiever than failure.

welcome, jessicha.



Tim_Tex
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04 Feb 2012, 11:26 pm

Welcome to WP!


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peterd
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05 Feb 2012, 7:31 am

Back when I was young, I once spent a whole day doing tests. Well, I was pushing thirty by then, but...



AnonymousAnonymous
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06 Feb 2012, 8:27 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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07 Feb 2012, 1:44 pm

Well jessicha, you may have Asperger, but you may also be plagued by unnecessary guilt. Maybe in you family they did not understand you.



CockneyRebel
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08 Feb 2012, 2:07 am

Welkome to WP

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Bun
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08 Feb 2012, 2:50 am

Hi, I hope you will fit in.


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Sif
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11 Feb 2012, 6:30 am

Hi Jessica.

Welcome!


You sound a bit like be 2 years ago. Especially when you talk about feeling like a life-failure. In the beginning it is very difficult to allow ourselves to be truly proud of who we are and feel that we are worth while, especially because we have gotten so used to the feeling of never being 'good enough'. It takes time to change is, and it helps A LOT with good friends.

Method for improving the feeling of self-worth:

1. write down positive aspects of yourself - the important thing is that you can believe in it. Write only things you really believe are true about you. If you feel writing down a lot of things is overwhelming, just start with a few. It is a good idea to hang this list in a place where you will see it everyday. Remind yourself that you are all these positive things.

2. write down a list of positive aspects you want to practice

3. at the end of every day, note all the positive aspects (from your list) you practiced today, and that you felt good about. Every now and then (f.ex. every weekend or every 1st of the month) you should review you notes of all the positive aspects you practiced. This makes you aware of all the good in you, and builds self-worth.

4. accept failures along the way. I have often gotten myself down because I thought I was such a failure when I couldn't keep through with something. Now I found that the way successful people become successful, is by trying again and again. So - you haven't gotten started despite really wanting too? No problemo - strart today! So - you forgot to write down positive aspects one day? or a week? or longer? - just start again today. So - it doesn't seem to work? Review your process, and decide to keep on longer or stop. Finally feeling better? Great! Just remember - you can always repeat the exercise when needed :)



Use it if you feel like it. It did me good :D
-Sif



ChangelingGirl
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11 Feb 2012, 7:05 am

Hi, welcome to WP. You do belong here. :) It sucks tha tyou wer ein an abusive relationship and don't feel you fit in anywhere now.

As for a psych test, I didn't have to get that much testing for my AS dx but it's not uncommon. My parents did talk to the psychologist for several hours. Maybe the test will help you figure out your strengths and weaknesses.

Anyways, hope you like it here.