Ok Im going to try this...

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Hello,

Lets see if I can do this without making a fool of myself… Also I tend to write a little too much when I do things like this… its because of the mask I wear when I talk about myself… it spills out a lot of things that others wouldn’t say… but I do it so I wont have to say the things that really matter to me… it’s a way of hiding without looking like I’m hiding… ok so I guess I better start this…

My name is Aaron, I’m 24 and I live in Tennessee… and I have AS… I only found out a few months ago… my doctor told me he should of noticed earlier but I’m so good at hiding it… its funny when people first meet me think I’m kinda charismatic and funny… but that’s not real.. after awhile it stops and even my ex girlfriend said after a month or two of talking to me said “What happened you use to be funny?”… I’ve never been a “happy” person… but mostly I’m lonely… I’ve only had one girlfriend and she lived an ocean away (though I did get my passport and was planning on going, plus it wasn’t an "online relationship" since I hate typing we would talk on the phone everyday for hours) we where together for 3 years… and finding out about my AS was one of the last nails in our coffin.. She told me that since I couldn’t change that I would be holding her back… I’ll get into more of that abusive relationship later I guess, to put it short… she is bipolar and she took a lot out on me (there was some wonderful times though don’t get me wrong… also I did make a lot of mistakes but I would never of given up, unlike her)… but I’m 24 and I’ve not even as much held hands… all I’ve ever wanted was to be loved and be needed… and no I’m not talking about sex… I just want to have someone in my life… I know a lot of people are like that but an x friend of mine once wrote in his journal (I cant remember how I got a hold of it) that even he was lonely but it seemed to hurt me more than most…. Believe me coming from him that was a lot… speaking of my x friends… they where the only friends I’ve ever had in person.. They where my friends from High School… but not long after getting out of school they deserted me… one decided he didn’t want to be around me anymore (he couldn’t control me) and everyone of them followed him… they even wrote online how they had plans to kill me… and I didn’t even do anything… so if it wasn’t for family I would have no one to even talk to in person… I guess its no wonder why I have trouble talking to people my age in person because I feel hostility toward me even if there isn’t any… (its strange I feel that even more from girls but then again Ive given up on finding love so it doesn’t matter…)

But talking about my AS… finding out about my AS happened by chance but it would change everything (I’ve not taken any test or anything but me and my doctor, who admits he’s not an expert on AS but is become one because of me and a friend of his has a son with it, see that it fits me to a T)… I broke down… I thought my whole life was the way it was… that I was the way I am because of it… thanks to my ex I was able to get past that and try and deal… and I went back to my doctor a few weeks ago and he said I’ve been dealing with it this whole time better than a lot (I don’t really understand why yet) but I don’t really think I am… I have no friends in person, I have a crappy job (but at least I’m am the foreman of the mailroom at the newspaper now) and I don’t drive… I hardly talk to anyone… even online… I find it so hard to write emails and post messages on forums… with the loss of the only chance of having a relationship gone I don’t know what to do… my doctor had told me that talking to others with AS would help me… so that’s why I am here…

One last thing… I’m an artist… that’s how I express my obsession… its funny when my doctor asked me if I had an subject that I loved and knew a lot about… I couldn’t come up with anything… but when I got home it hit me… it’s the thing I fall sleep thinking about and is always on my mind no matter what… its my book… or more to the point books (there will be around I have been writing this story in my head as far back as I can remember (even before I was in school I thought my story had always been there in my mind) I think its funny that my “thing” is something that’s not even real… so I guess that’s why I have many other smaller things that turn on and off at time…. Those things like ancient China or the Civil War are like me gathering info to use when I work on my book (which I do every idle moment) but there is a problem… I’m not a very good writer… so I draw… I’m not real great but I’m working on pushing myself because that’s what I want to do for a living… to be an character artist for video games and books and anything else that would need a fantasy artist… I just don’t believe in myself very much…

Here’s my Deviant art page.. Also there is some of my bad writing on there too… but I dont recomend reading any of it! http://alaric-the-sinner.deviantart.com

I really don’t expect many to read this long post… but if you do thanks… I don’t even know if I can force myself to post again… I do that a lot… post once on a message board and then never say a word again… I just thought I would try…

good day there my fine fellow! please post as you much as you can! i like exclamation points! weee!

Welcome!

hi Aaron welcome to WP

Hi Aaron welcome to Wrong Planet! I can defiantely identify with the mask thing, people often assume I am quite chatty, but underneath I know its a public front, I'm quiet and a loner underneath. its good you have a diagnosis you will understand better now. I think you are best rid of the ex-girlfriend, anyone who says you hold them back is'nt really worth spending time with! Its great you have an interest in art it will really help. Enjoy the forum, I was wary of posting at first but its fine, theres lots of interesting people and loads of discussions which are helpful and informative.

Your welcome.

I've noticed a few artists here. You will meet them in the forums.

Welome to WP.

DUDE! Welcome to Wrong Planet, you're nearly an carbon copy of me! Okay, so I'm 16 and I live in NZ, but who cares! I've got a story too, and I've had it for ages as well! I'll quote you to show you our similarities.

Yup, I've got a story too! It started as a random doodle during a boring Science lesson, and I decided to put a story onto it, and it's grown from there! I started to seriously type it up sometime before Christmas last year, and when I last checked the Word Count it was about 65,000 words long, and I'm not even 1/10th of the way there yet! I plan it to be in five sections (or books), with a few prologue books to act as backstory. My Mum says that if she likes it she'll approach a publisher! (I also plan on it being a movie, which is why I'm taking Film and TV as a subject next year )



I do that a lot too! A lot of my own story is a mish-mash of information and ideas taken from various places, from Star Wars to World War II! I can't remember a single day for the past year or so where I haven't thought about my story in one way or another.



As I said earlier, I draw a lot too. I got the idea to have drawing-specific books called Doodle Books of Doom to stop me from drawing all over my school books. I started to draw obssesively at around the age of 13, and they were horrible. I mean really, they were absoutely crap. Three years later and they look great. Here's a drawing when I started:



And here's a compilation drawing done about a year ago:



So yeah, it goes to show that drawing is something you get better at if you practise. If you ignore the fact that they're not too good, you can get better just because of the fact that you enjoy drawing regardless. Looking at your DeviantART, you're actually stunning, better than me, actually, much, MUCH better, and I think I'm pretty darn good! You'd do well to follow along the lines of being a character concept artist, as that's what I would like to do too (I'm the concept artist for my own story). I hope you do post again, as I like talking to fellow drawers and their turmoils (trying to draw hands, for instance) and their triumphs (such as learning the secret to drawing hands). If you'd like to improve on your writing skills, I suggest just reading. Read the good ones and bad ones. Also, writing random stuff yourself can help, just so long as you proof-read and go over your mistakes and learn from them (that's what mistakes are for, you know). If you want to see some of my personal work, head on over to the Writing, Art and Music forum and look for topics made by me.

I hope to hear from you again.

Ive really been wanting to come back here and post again... Ive even opened up the page over and over and I just never got the chance too... well its just not that.... I get kinda worried about what to say and then I put of posting and I feel bad about putting it off, so I still dont post.... thats why I end up leaving message boards after I join them... thats also why I lose contact with friends that i email... I need to change that!

Thank you so much to everyone for the welcomes!

I really hope Ill get use to posting on here because i really want to talk to others like me... and if I do i bet Ill end up talking about my ex, as fresco said it was a good thing i got out of that.... but it still hurts so much...

KBABZ, Sounds like you are on to a fantastic start... I really need to get back to writing... i have many short stories that are not a part of the bigger series and Im trying to write one of them to get practic in writing... im much better at telling my story than i am at writing it! And reading about your story makes me want to write more... what im going to have to do is tape myself telling the story and then type it from that but i hate my voice so much!

One difference Ive seen from myself and other people that Ive know who have stories to tell... i stick to mine and never forget about it like others... and you seem to be like that too! My ex had a ton of stories she started working on and never would get too far and then would make another... one of my xfriends was like that too... ones like that will not ever get anything big finished but people like us will, well thats what i think!

One thing about your characters you have down pat is something a lot of people cant get right... all of your characters are unique! They all have personality so i really like them! One tip i can give is never stop drawing, also dont let anyone make you feel bad about it... yeah i was made fun of in High School because I drawed but I kept at it and now i can draw things i never thought I could ever draw... ive always drawed realistically but it was only till I was around 17 when i could start drawing people and i still dont have it down yet... but one thing my artist hero, Bob Ross, said was that if he ever stopped learning he would stop painting and I think thats how it should be... never stop pushing yourself and keep trying to draw things you cant seem to get right... like hands! Thats one thing... i wish there was an easy way to draw hands... i use a lot of references and some tips Ive learned from my many "how to" books but i never get it perfect... I guess Ill never give up on trying to get it perfect though... I am a library of drawing techniques just I normally forget a lot of it when i draw and kinda just let it flow (like the Force!) and it normaly turns out pretty good... i still need a lot of work but thank you so much for your comments on my drawings!

Well I think Ive went on a little too much again... so I guess ill run of and hopefully it wont take so long from me to post again!

Thanks for YOUR comments man! I'm going to comment on your DeviantART stuff in a split second. I've got my own page as well, and all my usernames on the internet are KBABZ (you'd be suprised at how often I get away with it!). I've only got a few drawings, a photo, and a short story, but I'm adding more as I go. I hope you comment and stuff because no-one has yet! (not that I mind that much)

For my story, it's kind of a mix of the two. I've got this one central idea, but I keep adding more little bits I have to link up! I don't mind waiting for your reply, anything will really do, and I don't often get the chance to talk to fellow day-dreamists!

Hi and welcome to WP

As soon as I get a chance ill take a look at your stuff on DA and add you to my friends on there (I have saw you already did so!) My page doesnt have much because it can take so long for me to draw anything.... just because of my work im always so tired to draw most days... i do need to set a day to just comment on stuff on DA... I dont do that enought.

What you said reminds me of my story... how i work on my books is to just lay down and listen to music (certain songs remind me of certain characters or events) and its like working a puzzle where you dont have a picture of the finished work... Ill find a piece and not know where it fits then ill find another one days, weeks, months later that makes it all fit... and something Ive relised... everything is connected in my book!

I really enjoy this... I want to talk more on here.... hopefully I can over come my nervousness and fear...

That's okay, I can wait. There's nothing to fear here, except maybye a copule of bonkos in the Chatroom, but apart from that, it's all good!

What you said about music I can relate to as well. For example, when writing the diary entries of a young teenage girl character, I find playing Jack Johnson works the best. For depressing moments, Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizcut works well. And for utter rage, System of a Down really hits the spot. Finally, for any thematic moment, I play the appropriate Lord of the Rings music (Bridge of Kazad Dum, The Shire, Minas Tirith, etc). Ironically, my favourite parts to type up are actually the conversations!

Welcome to WP!

Hi Fenshing and welcome.

I'm very into art too, both going to galleries and painting myself. Well, not painting myself as in self-portraits but painting things

Hope you enjoy it here.