Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

elena
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

10 Feb 2012, 6:37 pm

Please share your experiences, questions, concerns or comments. I am new to this site and have recently found out my husband of 23 years has aspergers. I have done a lot of reading up and visiting other websites, but I need help to understand this complex reality from someone who is also living it. And I desperately need someone else to talk to who is going through the same thing. Thank you in advance for your response.



RobotGreenAlien2
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 299

10 Feb 2012, 7:35 pm

There is a person on here called something like "wifeofaspie" she's pretty cool and she gets it.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,611
Location: Houston, Texas

11 Feb 2012, 5:30 am

Welcome to WP!


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 54,346
Location: Portland, Oregon

11 Feb 2012, 4:18 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 103,383
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

11 Feb 2012, 10:50 pm

Welkome to WP

MickImage


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


here_to_learn
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 18

01 Mar 2012, 12:25 pm

elena wrote:
Please share your experiences, questions, concerns or comments. I am new to this site and have recently found out my husband of 23 years has aspergers. I have done a lot of reading up and visiting other websites, but I need help to understand this complex reality from someone who is also living it. And I desperately need someone else to talk to who is going through the same thing. Thank you in advance for your response.


My (Aspie) husband and I were only married for 5 years when we figured out (after trauma and drama) that he is "Aspergian." And that was only a few months ago that we figured it out (after we already separated...but we are not getting divorced...we are working things out). He's 38 years old...and spent his whole life feeling that others were different from him (he has very strong self-esteem, so he did not frame it as he was different from others). He developed many coping mechanisms which actually made him a perfect husband...because he was always trying to be perfect...because he fears anger or disappointment from others. Finally, he had a breakdown and all this stuff came crashing to the surface.

At first, it was very hard for me to accept because I was blissfully happy in our marriage and I thought he was too. So, I didn't know how to make sense of our history together. Was it real or just some fake fantasy? Eventually, I've come to let go of trying to label that. He didn't know he was 'coping' and nor did I.

You might find this thread helpful:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt158606.html

After a lot of reading, it is easy to see now that he has many typical Aspie traits. Many of these little quirks were apparent and even cute before. What turned out to be problematic is that he did not know that he was "ok"...that he was wired differently than NT's and that's why he couldn't figure out/understand some things about people. Also, he did not know that he NEEDED I mean really needed and needs to have his own space...as in, his own apartment. There is something about this totally private space that allows him to recharge. It's been several months now...he is finally coming out of his protective 'shell.' He understands himself and what he needs better...and so do I.

As for my needs, I've kind of put them on the back burner for the time being. But I think we're coming to the point where we can start re-negotiating our marriage in a way that we can both be happy. But this is going to require getting outside the box of what society says a marriage is supposed to look like and be like.

Don't know if this is helpful. I'm sure your situation is different than mine. But at least know that you are not alone :-)



Roxas_XIII
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jan 2007
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,298
Location: Laramie, WY

01 Mar 2012, 12:29 pm

If anyone here mentions "Cassandra Syndrome", ignore them because they're spouting bullshit. Better yet, refer them to me so I can "take care" of them.

That said, welcome to WP, hope you find your answers here. If not, well that doesn't mean you can't stick around. We don't bite... much.


_________________
"Yeah, so this one time, I tried playing poker with tarot cards... got a full house, and about four people died." ~ Unknown comedian

Happy New Year from WP's resident fortune-teller! May the cards be ever in your favor.


completereject
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 25

01 Mar 2012, 2:15 pm

welcome to WP :)



OddFinn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jun 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,276
Location: Finland

02 Mar 2012, 2:58 am

Welcome.


_________________
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.