Do you feel guilty for the way you are?

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Something i've always felt ever since that first moment i detected a difference in myself compared to other people is guilt. Like i feel guilty at not really being interested people. I feel guilt at not really properly caring about anybody. I forget people exist if they're out of sight. When i first lived away from home it took me 6 weeks to ring my mother. I'm not really interested in peoples personal stories. I struggle with disinterest in people. Rather than being rejected by nts, i don't think i was ever that interested in THEM and that's been my main problem. Yeah maybe i wondered what it'd be like but if I could go back and do it all again i probably still wouldn't be interested.

That's driven me to overcompensate. For someone with my personality i think i'm actually really caring and interested. I don't really care but i make such an effort to be interested in people because i feel so wrong if i don't. It's like i have this definition of what i consider fair and even though i don't personally care about something or someone, i feel there's a proper way to be and i feel guilty for not being that way. Even though underneath i don't care my guilt FORCES me to care. It's just so all so weird, does anyone have any experience with what im talking about?

I've always felt very guilty about my lack of interest in other people. I've done my best to never act selfishly (in fact, I tend to let people walk right over me), but in reality, I'm incredibly selfish on the inside, and have a difficult time caring about other people. This makes me feel like a terrible person.

I was berated last night by a friend of mine because I, apparently, never call to arrange get-togethers with him. He always calls me, and sometimes waits months between visits. If he's not calling me, or within sight of me, I often forget he even exists -- and not because I don't like him; it just happens. It's like everything else in my daily life fills up my mind and I forget other people even exist.

So yes, it's hard for me not to feel guilty about it. But I also don't know what to do about it. While I'm at home, I don't want to leave, so calling someone to spend time with them is the last thing on my mind. Once I leave, however, I don't want to go home and enjoy the company (for the most part). I don't understand why that is.

Do you feel guilty for the way you are?

No. Realistically, the way i am has made it possible for me to survive.

TheSunAlsoRises

I'm the same. I'm often accused of being 'selfish' or 'self absorbed' because I spend so much time on my own. I mainly do it so no one can annoy me and so I cant annoy other people, because there are other traits of mine that are undesirable.

Also, does anyone else find it hard to return social favours? Like giving birthday presents etc?

Ahh, Natural Selection

I used to, but once I learned about AS and had a reason for why my mind worked the way it did I stopped feeling guilty about the way I am. I think it's an exercise in futility to feel bad about something I cannot change(without massive quantities of medication or brain trauma at least).

I've spent many, many years feeling guilty because I don't fit in like everyone else. But now I have finally learned there's really no reason to feel guilty about something I was born with.

I don't feel guilty for the way that I am at all. I feel quite the opposite. I've been very proud of myself since September the 13th, 2009.

I feel guilty about the way that I was between the January of 2007 and the Mid September of 2009. I went through a black period when a very good Internet friend dumped me because I was too much of an Aspie for him and I was retreating into my shell. I didn't want people to see me as a vulnerable person, so I faked being a punk rocker and lived a life of intense rebellion against NTs and Mainstream Society. That's the thing that I'm not proud of.

I'm proud of myself, because I was able to pull myself out of that, and be myself once more. I don't see any more point in being a punk rocker, hippie or any outlandish character. I respect and accept people of those calibre. I've seen no point since that magical September morning in 2009, and I still see no point.

I'm not bragging and if it seems like I'm bragging, I apologize. I have a story for the first time in my life and I want to share it, whenever the opportunity arises and this thread seemed to be an opportunity.

If this was 2007, 2008 or a good chunk of 2009 right now, I would have been calling myself a green haired monster and that if there was any way that I could be brave enough to change and go back to being myself, I could.

I tell myself that it's 2012 and I've been real again for 2 and a half years, and I'm doing fine now.

I'm proud of myself because I'm brave enough to be myself in a harsh world that looks at young 60s type Mods in a sick way, not because I'm an Aspie.

Yes...

This is why, when asked what I want for my birthday, for example, I often say "I'll email you a list..." and promptly forget I was ever asked about it... unless there's something I just really would like that's cheapish, and compelling enough to overcome the discomfort. Most of the time, I'll just buy it myself it that's the case, which avoids the whole issue.

Before my diagnosis at age 27, I used to feel guilty about wanting relationships like everyone else, because I sensed there was something "alien" about me (which was a pretty good instinct, I suppose!) I was quite progressive despite my shortcomings, I'd go up to young women in clubs and chat with them, ask them to dance, etc, some interactions were successful but I always felt guilty in a way that I didn't deserve the same happiness from human relations as others.

Luckily, I had a supportive group of friends who acknowledged that I was different in some way, but they accepted me for who I was and told me that I shouldn't feel guilty about who I am, since it's not like my actions are truly victimizing anyone. That may have provided a strong catalyst for my positive outcome through guilt-free approaches to life.

Post-diagnosis, I continued to work on suppressing my symptoms, and actively told myself that I shouldn't feel one bit guilty about it whereas previously, the guilt was at a low-medium level. That proved to be far more beneficial for me. However, I did get confrontational moments from former girlfriends and co-workers that "you just don't seem to be acting like yourself, you seem to be putting on an act and trying too hard" - despite that, I still resisted the temptation to "let myself go" as there was no burden of guilt to relieve. As far as I was concerned, I had to continue with my selected strategy if I wanted to be successful and happy. Given my life today, I have no regrets about having taken this path.

^^This.^^

I feel guilty of upsetting other people. I suffer with my nerves, I am always on edge all the time, I am short-tempered, and other people's ways and noise just irritate me, and I lash out at some people without caring about how they feel. Now people are treading on eggshells around me all the time, and are scared to break any of my ''rules'' that I have set for people (like close relatives) to follow. I feel so guilty at making people live like this, but I don't know how to stop myself from becoming so distracted and distressed all the time. I have got earplugs which I use, but I have them in so often when I'm in my room to block out all the noise, that I keep getting sore earholes, which also makes me irritable.

I am going to try meds, but if they don't work then I'm f****d.

I have an awareness that i could be doing much much more with regards to certain endeavors.

I guess the term I'm looking for is responsibility instead of guilt.


TheSunAlsoRises

I don't know. I 'm an average dude who was lucky in many respects.

TheSunAlsoRises

I do not feel guilty over the way I am. I am happy with the way I am. I would not want to have been born any other way. I look back on my childhood and find it was magical in many ways. I enjoyed the way I played, and although I had a best friend, I cherished my alone time in my room with my things. I enjoyed being around my family. Today, as an adult, it doesn't bother me not socializing. I am satisfied with who I am.