How to balance obsession with computers and life

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Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum. This is my first post. My seven year old stepson (I will call SS in this post) was diagnosed with mild to moderate Asperger's Syndrome last fall (although, he seems to be more on the moderate side of things lately). There is so much going on with him so I will post the largest things I need help dealing with first and then move to the other items in separate posts later.

A little more on my story before I ask for help, my husband is finding it very difficult to accept my SS's diagnosis. He is scared to do too much research to understand him. Aftercare recommended by the psychologist included social therapy (group), gross motor occupational therapy, and some therapy for us as parents. My husband has not scheduled anything yet to help SS. In the meantime, SS's behavior and mannerisms due to the Asperger's have increased. SS's mother has self-diagnosed herself with Asperger's Syndrome. She also has problems with addiction and is bi-polar. I believe SS also has some emotional problems he inherited from his mother either by being around her or through her genetics (my unqualified opinion). I will need to post separately about how to handle SS's behavior issues.

My concern (of many) at the moment for this post is how to handle SS's obsession with computers. He wakes up thinking and talking about them. He goes to be talking about them. SS's new iPod controls his life. He is obsessed with keeping it charged. SS is a computer whiz for sure. He could be the next Steve Jobs. He knows a lot about computers and will undoubtedly have a great job programming/creating/using them if he learns to apply himself and have more motivation (another post).

At want point do you nurture an Asperger's kid's interest/talent or try balance an obsession??? We just took a weekend trip to Chicago and visited the aquarium there. SS was not interested one bit in the museum. He didn't care to see any of the fish, wildlife, etc. He was more concerned about how some of the exhibits were set up with the computer monitors. SS walked up to strangers to tell them about his iPod and apps he just loaded. He begged to leave the minute we walked in the door to go back to the hotel room to watch TV (his secondary obsession) and play with his iPod. Same thing happened when we went to Disney World last year. He was miserable the entire time. He hated it. In fact, he remembers little about the trip if you ask him any details.

What do we do? Give in to the obsession because that is how he is wired and it is what makes him happy? How much do we try to introduce other things in his life when we know his interest level is minimal? We have a daughter (10 months old) who is his half-sibling. When she is a little older, we will want to take her to Disney World. It is completely unfair for her to not get to go just because of her brother. However, he shouldn't be miserable either. My husband mentioned on future trips just letting SS stay home on a computer vacation with the grandparents. SS would get complete use of the PC the entire time along with some iTunes cards for music, apps, etc. I'm trying to figure out if this is fair too...I don't feel right about leaving SS out of vacations. Where is the happy medium? Vacations can be very miserable with SS as he wants to stay in the hotel room with the gadgets. What should we do? How do we keep the balance?

Another post: SS's behavior has deteriorated severely...he can be very rude and defiant. He has become MUCH more absentminded in the last month or so and is very angry at times. And, he has a "tick" of some sort in which he makes a popping or clicking noise with his mouth. This is sometimes coupled with clapping in a rhythm. I will take it one topic at a time for now. What I am trying to relay to you is that I am VERY worried about SS's future.

I would appreciate any guidance. Thanks! jb

Welcome to wp!! I look forward to hearing everyone else's responses. My son has a thing for all things mechanical. (That's what prompted my mom and SIL's suspicions about AS.) All kids have interests, and yes, sometimes obsessions. My son loves going to new places because he enjoys them, but also loves seeing how things are set up, the mechanics behind things, etc. I personally let him talk about his interests. I only tell him to cool it when he just goes on and on. It's more of a personal limit to me, like if I'm getting tired of it. USually, he can tell. He'll say, "Mom, am I being a little irritating to you?" And I just tell him. Usually he'll just be quiet or move on to another topic of conversation. My child is not currently diagnosed with an ASD. Right now he just appears highly GT, but he's got those AS quirks, IMO. But he's only 4.5 so time will tell.

As for the vacations, there must be a happy medium. Maybe you can possibly do some exploration at Disney World, with the lights, gadgetry. Especially at EPCOT. I'm sure there could be a customer relations place that you could inquire before you go. Maybe make some calls, explain your SS and his Asperger's that his special interest is the computers, etc. and maybe they could set up some kind of behind the scenes tour. I don't know, but you know, with ASD's being really in the public eye, they may be able to help you!! I say you should nurture your SS's special interest as much as you can because that's how he connects with others. It sounds like he may need some social support, like directly teaching him how to not just go up to strangers perseverating about computers and his IPOD. But he needs to know that it's great that he loves computers, but just work on when to talk about them and when not to.

I hope the vacation issue gets solved. Again, with all the incredibly neat gadgetry used at DW, I would think they could help you out to really get SS involved and love his vacation, especially if it can be geared for his perspective, too.

I've learned to find ways in to my son's world via my son's obsessions, rather than solely trying to change or eliminate them.

There's a movie on Netflix called My Dog (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1534470/) about celebrities and their dogs. One of the interviewed celebrities is Didi Conn, whose son is autistic. She describes how they've used his special interest (dogs) to help bring him out of himself; I loved her way of phrasing it: "Sometimes people think autistic kids are in their own world, because they're shut down because they're so sensitive to sight, to smell, to sounds, (and I would add, to social dysfunction) so it appears that they're in their own world because they're protecting themselves...it doesn't mean they can't come out...if you find a lure."

Keep in mind that Disney World has a whole set of systems for dealing with kids with disabilities; if you do some research here, you will find that many parents have been successful there. You don't have to turn your world upside down, you just have to make accommodations so that it's possible for all of you to live together as a team.

Welcome - I'd say the first thing to do here is peruse all the stickies on the top of this board; there's a lot of good information there.

Well, if his obsession actually qualifies as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), Prozac (fluoxetine) could help with that. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and the repetitive rituals are used to reduce anxiety. Separation from the repetitive rituals causes anxiety to increase. OCD is a serious anxiety disorder and requires med treatment (by a child psychiatrist) in order to be improved. I bring this up because my younger son has OCD, and meds have been extremely helpful with him.

However, if he just likes using the computer (like me), that is another matter.

Maybe you all could come up with something other than Disney World, an aquarium, computers, or TV that everyone could enjoy? My parents keep wanting to take my kids to Disney World some summer. I will have to go in order to help supervise them, and I'm just dreading it. (The heat, the crowds, the lines, the noise....) I often don't enjoy "tourist traps" for these reasons--the facility may be great, but I prefer less noise and crowds.

A small carnival when it is not hot, the lines are not long, etc.--that I like.

Whenever I take my kids some place, it is best to go early in the day, at a time when there are no lines, and just stay a couple of hours or so. Too long results in sensory overload and crankiness on the part of everyone. (They don't like being hot or cold, lots of noise, or heavy crowds, either.)

My kids love computers and went to an arcade on Saturday. They loved the games, but the place was packed with people and very noisy, so after an hour, they were ready to go. (They are both on Prozac for anxiety and have gotten a lot of ABA therapy; otherwise, they wouldn't have lasted that long.)

I used to be like that as a kid. It was awful for me because the obsession started around age 9 and I didn't get my own computer until age 14. I had to use computers at school or at the library in the summer.

My parents largely left me alone about my obsession. It was better than being obsessed about star wars, transformers, or my growing interests in explosives.

On the plus side, my obsession never went away, but it has lessened over time. It also became my college major and career.

On the negative side my parents didn't intervene and force me to socialize. It was expected that I would get the needed socialization at school. I thwarted that effort starting in 6th grade when I started staying in the computer lab during recess. This severely stunted my social growth.

Note: I grew up on a farm in a rural area without many kids my age close by. All my socializing had to be done at school.

You say your stepson was miserable the whole time @ Disneyworld. Can you narrow down what was making him so upset?

The new environment? Have him watch youtube videos on his ipod or computer of the place you will be going to ahead of time, you can also bring some of his favorite items from home. Disneyland Fun vhs, now a dvd, was absolutely addictive to my kids when they were little, and served as an intro to the park and characters.

The transition, change in routine? Talk about where you will be going and when, add it to his ipod - calendar apps, disneyworld apps where you can see a map of the place, have him choose some activities.

Crowds? You can go in the morning, go back to the room for the afternoon, destress, nap, lunch, let him do his tv/computer thing (use a timer) then go back.

Noise? Find out what rides will or activities will be loud and warn him to cover his ears, wear earplugs, headphones, or just avoid them.

Did he have any meltdowns? Don't expect to accomplish it all, compromise, you may have to split up - dad and ss hang out in the hotel room while mom and dd go to meet Ariel (gender will play it's part). That is what we have done, simply because my son doesn't want to meet the princesses, fairies, etc, and daughter doesn't want to get on big rides. Does he like pirates, star wars, buzz light year, parades, house of the future, try to find out what he likes and take it from there.

We would go to Disneyland every year, sometimes 12 times a year. Dd is 10, and we always noticed her sensory issues but worked through them, however we didn't know it was asperger's until she was diagnosed at school this past Nov. I have often thought about what I could have done differently and the things that may have worked in her favor. I have a friend who has a son with autism and they bypass all the lines @ Disneyland, so I know you can look into that. Not waiting in lines would have made (her 9 years) visits way easier, however, looking at her now, she is able to wait in line patiently, she knows what to expect, she chooses what to do, and at times nervously tries something new.

What worked for us is going during the off season (NEVER SUMMER), during the week, do not even think about doing EVERYTHING (pick n choose), definitely do character dining (so you don't wait in line for autographs n photos, the characters come to you while you are eating).

Overall, I think if your ss has mild issues, you will be able to take family vacations, you just need to figure out his triggers, how to help him cope and definitely make allowances for his obsessions, it seems like he is verbal, ask him what will make going to Disneyworld or anywhere else more bearable. Get him involved with planning the trip, help him feel in control by letting him make easy decisions. Such as where to eat, what to take (fave items), you can let him take pix with his ipod, etc. I think that just getting him out of the house is a win, and everything else that comes with travel (roadtrips, trains, planes, taxis, etc) is an experience for him. He is 7, so the more exposure he gets, even though it is unpleasant (if it causes a meltdown don't do it) the more often it is experienced - he gets desensitized to it (as it becomes something familiar, hopefully, it won't make him as anxious).

Consider going to Disneyland instead of DisneyWorld, I always hear that Dworld is overwhelmingly huge, Dland is overwhelming enough.

Wow, great advice on here....i've learned some things. I totally empathize with you. My daughter is obsessed with computers. We didn't have one for a while, and then her dad got her a replacement computer and I'd forgotten how life is different with one. It's something I've been really having difficulty with the past few weeks.

I actually got her into a STEM magnet here and she's started the computer programming coursework as a HS student. She is really enjoying getting to know the hardware as well as being fascinated by the software.

Anyway, I read this post when I first saw it the other day and wanted to come back and see what advice was offered....really awesome advice. Good luck!

Ok - I have a couple observations -

How would you feel about going on vacation to a computer game facility that has a bunch of kids focusing on their computers all day long? Would that feel like a vacation or would you start to struggle and get irritated after a while? Personally, I would hate that, and could do it for a little while but I would get mighty grumpy, especially if my family started telling me that I was supposed to love it and this was my vacation.

I think this is what Disnry may be like for your child.

We try to find family vacations that everyone will like OR we will take turns getting our way. Your younger daughter should not be denied Disney for your son but your son should not be denied a vacation for your daughter. If you decide that experiencing these places is important to his development, be prepared that it is a learning and desensitizing experience and much focus and attention will need to be on your son, to make it ok. Often, not much of a vacation for anyone.

We have managed this a few different ways - we don't have the Disney problem...my boys are ok with that, but we are not always on the same page

When we went to Mexico- everyone got their way for one major activity...Dh and Eldest wanted to visit the Mayan Ruins, youngest wanted to go to a spider monkey rescue and hold monkeys, I wanted to snorkel the barrier reef at Cozumel. We all understood that each of us got our yesses and no complaints would be tolerated. Aside from these activities, it was ok to basically do what you want.

When we go to the beach - I will require trying one thing and then after that, the boys can stay in the condo with their electronics. I have learned that I need to stay right on the beach, so I can do what I want - but be close enough to them that I can leave them in the condo.

As my eldest is now 16, we also give him the option if he doesn't want to go - he doesn't have to. Youngest and I went to Hong Kong last fall and eldest decided to stay home.

So to your bigger question - "do you let him have lots of computer time OR expose him to the important things in life?". I say change that to AND. Yes,you should let him have as much computer time as he wants after his requirements have been met. (I don't like "earning" computer time - we just have a first this then that plan. First you do what you must do, then you can do what you want to do.) Remember that the exposure to important stuff may be stressful and not always fun. I think it's important to do anyway - but you may want to consider some separated vacations that provide each child with what they want.

I agree that your son would probably LOVE Epcot. I didn't as a kid, but that was because the science there really does only focus on computers, technology, dinosaurs, and ecology. My love has been anatomy and physiology since I was a kid, and the only thing at Epcot I loved as a kid was the simulator ride they used to have where you took a trip inside the bloodstream to remove a splinter. Body Wars, I think it was called?

Anyway, if your son would rather stay at home or in the hotel, I see nothing wrong with that. He tried Disney. He didn't like it. Your daughter still deserves to go, of course, but if your son chooses to stay at home and means it, that's fine. He knows where he's happiest. I've always loved amusement parks, because the science behind them and the intrigue made them a special interest for me for a very young age. He may enjoy amusement parks with actual thrill rides rather than Disney's milder rides for the same reason I love them- the physics of roller coasters and the amazing vestibular sensory experiences. When I was a kid, my mom always let me do special interest stuff on trips to amusement parks. I was (and still am) fascinated by safety and height requirements of rides. We have pictures of me standing by height requirement signs at Cedar Point, and my mom knew that giving me park maps to read kept me quiet in line. Of course your stepson needs to learn that he can't be around computers or talk about computers 24/7, but I'm a big proponent of having special interests encouraged whenever possible. My mom incorporated my special interests into everything she could (and still does), and she did an amazing job, especially since nobody knew about Asperger's when I was a kid.

I'm curious as to what your son did for activities at Disney World, as well. I do have a strong suspicion that he'd have a lot of fun if his special interest was highlighted. He isn't a typical kid, so he's not going to enjoy Disney World typically. When I went to Disney World at age 4, one of my favorite things was finding out all about the different hotels they had, because hotels have always been a special interest of mine. I loved Pirates of the Caribbean not for the pirates or the ride itself, but because of all the jewels in the ride and the gift shop. And some of my fondest memories of Disneyland when I was 9-11 years old were checking the Main Street board to see how long wait times were for each ride and listening to and memorizing the safety instruction speeches given on the monorail and the Matterhorn.

Thank you all so much for the wonderful advice. I hope I don't sound like I am complaining about my stepson. He is a wonderfully gifted young man that I want the absolute best for in life.

We did not have an Asperger's diagnosis yet when we went to Disney World. At that point, it was mostly speculation and this was all on my part at the time. A few things that happened:

* Every day, upon entry to the parks, SS was upset and wanted to go back to the hotel room to take advantage of WiFi and play with his iPod. I don't know if the crowds, noise, etc. bothered him. I do know that, based upon conversations with my inlaws, in years past, SS has never enjoyed family vacations because of the change in routine.

* As is typical for some kids with Asperger's, SS is not into imaginative play at all. Disney World is mostly imaginative and SS sees his world in black and white terms. For example, we went to see the Little Mermaid show in Disney Studios. Granted, this was mostly for me as I love it. During the show, they simulate you being underwater with lights, sound, and some rain in the theater. I looked at SS and said: "Look! We are under water!" His reply, "Actually, we are not under water. It is not real." I replied, "I know SS, it is fun to pretend sometimes!" Well, I didn't consider that it actually is NOT fun for SS to pretend. It is the way he is wired.

* My husband and I both thought that EPCOT would be wonderful for SS with all of the technology. SS still was not interested even though some things we thought surely would be up his alley. Again, his big focus was only on getting back to our hotel room the entire time. He did enjoy the ride in Spaceship Earth somewhat.

* The entire time in Disney, SS seemed to be preoccupied. He would not pay attention where he was walking and didn't know boundaries of how close to stand to people when standing in line for the various attractions. We spent the entire visit tugging him away from other people.

* My SS first visited Disney when he was four years old. I didn't go on this trip as it was prior to me being in the family. From what I know from that trip, SS was fairly miserable still and mostly because his schedule was different.

* I do think that Disney provides a little too much stimuli for SS - he seems to not like loud noises or really too much going on in his world. However, he doesn't mind turning his music and TV up full blast at home. I guess noise he can control is different.

I worry a lot for SS. He seems to be without joy much of the time and it bothers me. The only joy I ever see in him is when he is given money or is on his computer. The most excited I EVER saw him in the four years I've known him is when he decided he would try to load a Mac operating system on his PC. I thought he would explode with happiness. I was thrilled to see him this way but at the same time very sad in that there seems to be only one path to joy for him. I'm trying to understand it is how he sees his world.

This summer, we are taking a family vacation to the beach. SS does love to swim so this vacation should be up his alley. However, there will be future vacations to Disney because we have a little girl that needs to experience it too. I'm concerned how we will handle those trips. I want the best for both children.

And...one more question I must ask. For children in general, is it normal to not remember big details of a vacation that happened a year and a half ago? SS had just turned six when we went to Disney and doesn't remember much at all. We stayed one night at the beach and the hotel room had the wifi available which absolutely thrilled SS at the time. He loved the water and the pool and talked about it a lot at the time. Yet, now, he seems to have no recollection of it. This is me learning as a new mom...I know we don't remember everything from our childhoods. However, again, I'm still trying to understand SS as much as possible.

I have other posts...stay tuned and thank you again for your suggestions, thoughts, and kind words. JB

jenebeka, you seem to have received a lot of good information here, so I won't repeat what has already been said. The (Disney) experience is very different for children on the spectrum. The first time my DD (who is now 9) went to Disneyland (Anaheim, CA) was a little trying. She was 6 at the time and some of the things I noticed that may help your future trips:

1. Music is everywhere! Piped in from the mile walk into the park, at the front line, even in the bathrooms! My DD has sensory issues as well as ASD, so I imagine that this was torture for her - absolutely no break from the chaos and noise. She, too, took refuge at the hotel, but mainly at playing in the Mickey Mouse shaped pool. She wanted to go to the pool during peak park hours because it was the quietest!

2. Bringing headphones, water, and even a stroller for her at the time (now she can certainly handle the walk and crowds) was key. We even rented one for her because the stroller shade allowed her to pull down the shade when she wanted to tune everyone out.

3. Heat, crowds, and humidity may play a role in how well a child enjoys the park. Even my NT son was cranky from the heat and crowds. Scheduling time in the park when the sun is down/before it gets too hot or before it gets too crowded is key (and off-season is even better!). We used the RideMax program (available online) to schedule our park time...it minimizes wait times, warns when certain rides are out of commission (key for a child who is fixated on a certain ride), and takes into consideration breaks/lunches/dinners. It produces a schedule that can be printed or downloaded on a phone the morning of your day in the park.

4. Keep expectations low. Even though this is a vacation and certainly a fair amount of money goes into these holidays, if you think about it, what's the point of pushing any child (on the spectrum or not) through the entire park? Take things in as you can and then go back to the hotel and enjoy just being together!

5. Disneyland (and I believe Disney World as well) offers the ability for parents with special needs children to get a pass that allows access through exits or allows them to get into the FastPass line without a FastPass. Your family just need to go to Guest Services and ask for one. Wait times aren't completely eliminated, but if you have your DSS with you, you and your family (I think it allows up to two adults and one additional child) can all go through this line. We used it with my DD but when my DD was not with us, my DS and I waited in line with everyone else. DD only went on a handful of rides, but she loved the ones she went on.

6. If possible, split up -- my DH and I would agree that one of us would always be willing to "bail out" with the child who just couldn't handle it anymore. It's not fair to the child to have to stick around if it's too unbearable. This agreement early prevented the "ohmygosh, now what do we do?" scenarios happening by ToonTown (And in truth, even the parent who didn't get to stay in the park had a good time - all because the child s/he was with was so much happier!)

You can do an internet search on Disney parks and accommodations. There is a lot of helpful information out there. And if Disney is not his thing, there are so many parks and attractions around DisneyWorld that may be of interest to him - have him tell you what he would love to do. His focus interest may change from video games to something else as you get closer to vacation time. And for your beach vacation, ask your SS ahead of time what he would like to do and have him help in the planning.

And yes, my DD remembers every last detail of our Disney trip(s) - from the music in the bathrooms to the frozen yogurt we got by the pool. It just takes a while for that information to be retrievable! Also, if the subject is not the focus of the moment, it may be harder to recall..but maybe your new trip to the beach will jog his memory.

ETA: One thing that has helped both my children remember vacations is I create mini "photobooks" of our holidays. I take a lot of pictures (not just of them!) and put the photos in chronological order. It's nice to look back on what you have done as a family and both kids have a sense of the whole trip. Experiencing in the moment is sometimes too much, but looking back my kids often see that it was a great experience.

jenebeka, I just wanted to add a couple of things. First, I really admire how much you want to help understand your stepson's AS. I think it's great that you're taking the approach to learn what and why certain things make him happiest and how best to incorporate his special interests into his daily life and on vacations.

Secondly, this thread makes me excited, since it's all about amusement parks, one of MY special interests. I'd love to answer any other amusement park questions you may have from the side of being a person with AS. Parents of children with AS have given great opinions here about their feelings on the issue and what they find works for their child. I like hearing both sides.

Finally, as far as getting a special access pass to bypass ride lines, my personal opinion is that this should be utilized only if you absolutely know your stepson couldn't wait in line without having a meltdown. I agree with modernorchid saying that her daughter learning how to wait in line was a nuisance at the time but is beneficial now. Nobody knew about AS when I was a kid, so I always had to stand in line for rides. I do think that I'm better for it. Over the years, I've learned to actually enjoy waiting in line for rides, because it's a rush to see the ride operating and going past you while you wait, and that just builds the excitement and anticipation. Good parks, like Disney and Cedar Point, have built-in things to keep you entertained while in line. Disney's rides and lines are mostly indoor, so they do great theme elements. Cedar Point (my true love) is the best example of seeing rides go by as you wait, and they always have music playing and fans blowing water mist in lines to keep you cool and happy. I went to Disney World in 2010, and I was very sad to see that the Space Mountain line had removed the TVs that played the great video about giving weather news on different planets. Hearing how Neptune would be -350 degrees Farenheit was one of my favorite parts of riding Space Mountain.

Another part of waiting in line that I've grown to love and enjoy experiencing is something my mother and I started when I was very young: playing games. One game I still play with my close friend when she and I go to Cedar Point is guessing which car we'll get to ride in. Like, in line for Millennium Force, which is my favorite ride to wait in line for, I'll just suddenly say, "I think we're going to get the red car," and she'll say, "Okay, I'll guess yellow." And it's so much fun when in the loading station to be able to count ahead and see if I won, she won, or we got blue and both lost. Lots of ways to do this at Disney. I vividly remember always guessing which of the dwarves' names we'd get on the car for the Snow White ride when I was a kid. And it's a fun challenge to try to get to ride in ALL of the different car colors/names.

Just some added suggestions. Always willing to give more. This topic really is getting me excited to (hopefully) take my annual trip to Cedar Point in the upcoming summer months.

Absolutely. A wonderful observation. IMO, you can pretty much substitute the word "anything" for the word "noise" and it leads to greater understanding of your SS and others on the spectrum. I have had experiences where DD and DS have complained about sensory issues (examples, the noise markers make on paper, smell of bananas and therefore dislike bananas in general, food texture, clothing material, etc.). However, at times they decide to use the markers, help place bananas in a bag at the grocery store, try the food, buy the clothing piece because it has a great graphic on it, and much more. Basically, the idea is coming from them, they decide, and they have control over it.

Also regarding your statement, your SS is at home, a safe and familiar place. NEW (environment, foods, clothing, events, things, etc.) pretty much have the opposite effect, causing anxiety because it is difficult to adjust and cope with, especially when your SS feels that he did not choose to experience it.



A School Psychologist told me that kids and people in general will remember (events) and learn best when they are also experiencing a strong emotion (happy-laughing, anger-yelling, fear-crying). I find this to be true, however, my DD learns/remembers best by plain repetition because she processes things slowly. Have you been talking about the trip regularly throughout the 18 months that passed? Or are you bringing it up suddenly? I agree with taking photos and making a slideshow, video, scrapbook or mini photo album about the trip, even better let him take the pix.



Many people on the asd spectrum have trouble showing emotion, recognizing emotions, labeling emotions, and recognizing how they come across to others. This may be an area that he is going to need help learning about. Regarding your statement, I have felt that same sadness, as have many other parents. He is not the typical child, and there is a sense of loss that comes with it because there are many expectations regarding what he should feel and experience, that have to be let go of. Here is one example, I enrolled DD in a ballet class when she was 3, she was running around in her pink tutu while all the other girls were sitting down listening to the instructor and doing their stretches....I am actually smiling about it now and of course that was the end of ballet classes because she hated the structure. To be honest, my not typical kids have taught me a thing or two about acceptance, patience, having a sense of humor about it all and unconditional love....and all of that is having a healing effect on the misunderstood aspie child I used to be.