How do you deal with Asperger-related social anxiety?
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,472
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
I don't really...and if anything it's probably gotten worse because whenever I do try to come out of my shell and be more sociable and open with people I usually just end up getting hurt. Also it takes me days if not weeks to get over it if I come off the wrong way and end up pissing people off(even if its on a site like this).......or if people assume I have intentions of manipulating or stuff like that when I'm not trying to do anything like that and doubt I could even if I wanted to then I get pretty upset and feel like crap about myself as well.
So yeah I hate to say it but remaining safe behind my wall seems to be the best bet, but then that can have its downsides as well.
_________________
We won't go back.
You have no idea how much I identify with all of this.
I'm a senior in highschool and therefore my ability to get friends is of course different from those of adults (and I've seen mostly only 20+ year-olds on here). I could just say, "Try not to worry about it," but I know that can't just be done. The ability to function perfectly social situations cannot be snapped into existence.
But, try to stick to the very basics of things. Hello's, goodbye's, thank you, resist the temptation to do repetitive actions (if you have such), when out and about. That's what I do.
I was looking at all these today and I relate to so many of them.
http://memegenerator.net/Anxiety-Cat
My social anxiety has haunted me all my life. I wish could say that it gets better with age , but that hasn't been the case for me.
Like so many others, I keep trying to find the switch that would turn off that part of my brain because it is such an exhausting and painful issue to contend with.
I always deal with it better when I'm feeling good about myself, it's really tough if I'm on a downer
One thing that helped me was finding a local aspie group where I could totally be myself. There are actually two here locally, and one of them even keeps half the room darker than the other, so folks with light sensitivities can hang out there.
Are there such groups in your local area? It's nice to be able to go somewhere for a few hours a week or month and know that they are just never going to think you're "weird" because they're like you
_________________
I would rather have my liver pecked out by a giant crow than spend a day at the mall. But I'd pay money to see a giant crow eat a mall.
Your Aspie score: 155 of 200 * Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 49 of 200 * You are very likely an Aspie
Are there such groups in your local area? It's nice to be able to go somewhere for a few hours a week or month and know that they are just never going to think you're "weird" because they're like you
Oh wow! How did you ever find those places?
I think I'll need one of those later in life.
Maerlyn138
Velociraptor
Joined: 2 Nov 2005
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 499
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
They have a group in San Antonio, but as far as I know it's only for children and teens. There is a center that does research here that I am gonna check out sometimes. There are some groups in Austin aparently, but that's 70 miles away. So WP is my only viable outlet right now.
_________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
Like so many others, I keep trying to find the switch that would turn off that part of my brain because it is such an exhausting and painful issue to contend with.
When I say it has lessened with age I'm really only talking about interacting with professionals, people in shops and so forth. Socially, I'm almost a complete recluse. I have no idea what to say that might seem 'friendly' and, frankly, I have little inclination to try.
Good advice.
Maerlyn138
Velociraptor
Joined: 2 Nov 2005
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 499
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
Like so many others, I keep trying to find the switch that would turn off that part of my brain because it is such an exhausting and painful issue to contend with.
When I say it has lessened with age I'm really only talking about interacting with professionals, people in shops and so forth. Socially, I'm almost a complete recluse. I have no idea what to say that might seem 'friendly' and, frankly, I have little inclination to try.
Good advice.
Me too. Your basic social interactions with colleagues at work and brief interactions with shop keeper I have gotten better at over the years.
I actually think I have gotten worse at any sort of intimate social interaction.
_________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
A helpful partner or spouse can help, too. When we go out to social things, she does most of our interactions with others. Allows me to just stand there like "the quiet one". My spouse is also very good, though, at minimizing our big social things in the first place, knowing I'm going to have a harder time.
This has taught me it's ok to rely on trusted friends and such to help out. I see it as a trade, really, as there are some things I do better than they do (like fix their computer, but I can also do simple, needed things for them like house sit their cat, etc), and there are some things they do better (like understanding how to chit chat for lengths of time). So it's just a "trade of services" in my mind, and never about how "disabled" or "broken" I am compared to them.
_________________
I would rather have my liver pecked out by a giant crow than spend a day at the mall. But I'd pay money to see a giant crow eat a mall.
Your Aspie score: 155 of 200 * Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 49 of 200 * You are very likely an Aspie
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