How do aspie aspie males show interest in a girl?

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GlendaGoodWitch
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25 Feb 2012, 12:05 pm

Hi. I'm an NT gal who is currently crushing on an aspie guy.


So, how does an aspie male show interest?



Last edited by GlendaGoodWitch on 02 Mar 2012, 9:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

MisterSpock
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25 Feb 2012, 12:18 pm

I can only speak from my experience as an Aspie...

When I like a girl, I tend to be near her often, but I don't always look at her when I talk to her. When she is talking though, I stare into her eyes. I don't go out of my way to make contact, and have occasionally 'made myself scarce' when I have seen a crush unexpectedly. I think I tend to smile more, and the quality of my jokes drops to the dumb 'flirting' level. I almost always avoid giving compliments.

Hope that helps, it hasn't helped me.



GlendaGoodWitch
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25 Feb 2012, 12:36 pm

Yes,you actually did help me. Thank you. As you've said he hasn't gone out of his way to make contact; however, if I approach he will always take the time to talk to me. He does stare into my eyes when I am talking but does not stare at me while he is talking. He also smiles and now blushes.

So I guess what you are saying is that he wouldn't have approached me to tell me how amazing my cookies were?

If I may ask (becuaes I am curious), why would you make yourself scare?



MisterSpock
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25 Feb 2012, 1:14 pm

I wouldn't be rude, but if I didn't want to talk, I'd make sure my answers didn't invite more questions. I don't know why I would make myself scarce, it's possibly the fight-or-flight instinct, or just the unwillingness to be in a potentially stressful situation.

Maybe get a few more opinions on this matter though - every Aspie is different.



CrazyStarlightRedux
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25 Feb 2012, 3:48 pm

I'd say he's shy.

You need to communicate with him and see each other more then just during commute.

I think he would open up to you as you spend more time together but if you have feelings for him you have to break tradition and ask him out as he may not have the courage to do so.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Feb 2012, 4:30 pm

By acting stupid :-/



Tequila
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25 Feb 2012, 4:36 pm

By just telling them exactly how I feel.

Tequila is single. ;)



MisterSpock
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25 Feb 2012, 4:38 pm

A bit of what Boo said too...



GlendaGoodWitch
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25 Feb 2012, 5:50 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
I'd say he's shy.

You need to communicate with him and see each other more then just during commute.

I think he would open up to you as you spend more time together but if you have feelings for him you have to break tradition and ask him out as he may not have the courage to do so.


He is shy. I feel I've made a lot of progress thus far. He's v handsome, v sweet, and I would love to get to know him.

How would you suggest I communicate with him or get him to communicate with me?

And can you define acting stupid or give a few examples? He once did an eye brow raise of acknowledgment and a head nod at once and looked like he gave himself whiplash. You mean like that?



dr01dguy
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25 Feb 2012, 7:51 pm

Check out this video, from 3:51 through 4:22

(the video is "Cats for Engineers", but could almost be titled "Aspies for Cats" ;-) )

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4[/youtube]


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Your Aspie score: 170 of 200 · Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 34 of 200 · You are very likely an Aspie [ AQ=41, EQ=11, SQ=45, SQ-R=77; FQ=38 ]


GlendaGoodWitch
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26 Feb 2012, 9:37 am

dr01dguy wrote:
Check out this video, from 3:51 through 4:22

(the video is "Cats for Engineers", but could almost be titled "Aspies for Cats" ;-) )
]



Funny video!

Yes, looks familiar. Fiddling with hands and gloves, a brief sideways monotone hi or good morning, followed by more hand and glove fiddling.



Wolfheart
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26 Feb 2012, 9:55 am

It really depends on the individual but you are right, you need to find some way to give him permission to express his feelings for you, he may be oblivious to hints and tips so the best way to do is by being direct in your voice, body language and words. Seriously, don't wait or expect him to take the initiative as he most likely won't unless you make it obvious that he must.



Grisha
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26 Feb 2012, 10:32 am

GlendaGoodWitch wrote:
I read that aspie males can sometimes run away from the object of their affection if they do not know what to say or fear what they will say will offend us.


I obviously don't speak for every Aspie male, but this is a huge issue for me.

I have a huge fear that anything I say/do will be interpreted to have a meaning which is the polar opposite of what I intended, also that something I say/do which I believe to be trivial or innocuous will turn out to be deeply offensive to the other person.

This is NOT an irrational fear, it has been borne out time and time again in my real-world experience - to the extent that I have come to believe that it is practically impossible for me to grow/sustain a romantic relationship.

If that is the dynamic which is occurring in your situation, it is absolutely imperative that you understand it and respond with the proper restraint and/or patience to allow him to become comfortable with you and gain an intellectual understanding of your thoughts/feelings/moods in a way which is normally "automatic" and intuitive for NTs.

I hope this helps, and good luck! :)



GlendaGoodWitch
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26 Feb 2012, 10:39 am

Wolfheart wrote:
It really depends on the individual but you are right, you need to find some way to give him permission to express his feelings for you, he may be oblivious to hints and tips so the best way to do is by being direct in your voice, body language and words. Seriously, don't wait or expect him to take the initiative as he most likely won't unless you make it obvious that he must.


Thanks, Wolfheart.

You are absolutely correct. The problem is that I am an NT gal, culturally programmed to not chase but worry about scaring a guy away by being too direct. A friend of mine with a "supposed" aspie friend tells me to "hang back" and let him approach, which my gut reaction said was just bad advice imoa.

I know that he likes my baking, so I was planning on baking again and giving some, but this time including my email and asking him to email what he thinks, so as to give him a different forum (if you will) to express himself in written form where processing is easier for him. And then taking it from there ....

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated ...



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26 Feb 2012, 10:48 am

GlendaGoodWitch wrote:
I know that he likes my baking, so I was planning on baking again and giving some, but this time including my email and asking him to email what he thinks, so as to give him a different forum (if you will) to express himself in written form where processing is easier for him.


He may not make the connection - i.e. he may compliment you on your baking but not go further.