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Seems like the whole world is going to hell.

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Sweetleaf
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02 Mar 2012, 3:16 pm

There I said it and this is a rant so don't read further if you are not up to it........ Anyways, maybe that is why I don't feel like there is much point in trying to overcome my depression, PTSD and anxiety. Who gives a damn? Its my miserable life and I don't have the brain power to delude myself into thinking this world is a good place over all I mean it's not so why would I? especially when I feel like I got dealt a quite bad set of cards in life.

I mean I tried so hard trying to get through school, managed to graduate and figured if I went to college I'd make it and I would get a degree and put that to use. Well no such luck, I just feel like all that did was allow me to waste more of my life while digging a debt hole. I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....so maybe it wont hurt quite as bad when people rub it in my face how unequipped to deal with it I am.....and when I hear in the media that anyone on welfare or in the lower economic class is a usless parasite upon society......you know what I think though those a**holes running the show are the real parasites if they wanna go accusing people of being parasites for trying their damn hardest just to live life while they're just sitting there sucking everyone dry.

Sorry for being so negative in this rant, but I am angry and fed up about this.......and trying to figure out what to do with the feelings of everything going to hell, living in a system that seems to be hell bent on kicking people while they are already about as low as they can get and the general idea that things are largely meaningless anyways.

Also I could talk to a therapist but what are they going to do tell me everything's going to work out and be fine.......and then throw me in an institution when they decide I can't be reasoned with hell they could even get a court order to use ECT on me because I would be stubbornly refusing to volunteer for such a procedure. I mean that has not happened because every time I go to therapy I sugar coat everything so they don't feel the need to do anything because i am afraid of what would be done if I was totally honest about exactly how i feel and exactly what frusterates me in life and all that.


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kirayng
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02 Mar 2012, 3:40 pm

This is not meant to support negativity in any way but damnit, Sweetleaf you're so right on! What do we do now that we realize we can't delude ourselves, those rose-colored glasses are smashed to pieces on a dirty sidewalk and kicked aside by some random jerk....


Is it all really a matter of perspective? I feel like I've lived a wasted life full of pain, anguish and torment; that I've contributed nothing to the lives of others... is this perspective or truth? Like you said, when it's all looked at a certain way... what is the point? Why do anything at all?


I sincerely wish I had the answer to this question and I honestly can say that if I were completely alone (no family) I would have nothing to do anything for...... except myself... and well....


it's so hard to do things for myself because I need so much and others find it "SELFISH" hah! As if.

Anyways, I hear ya and just wanted to commiserate, crappy day I've had... hurt feelings, so easily hurt.... now that the walls are gone.

Oh and all the bull they feed ya about the future, go to college get a good job get married have kids die blahblahblah..... *sigh* Make your own life for your own reasons and if you don't have reasons, make some up! :)

edit: sorry if I was offensive!



Sweetleaf
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02 Mar 2012, 3:48 pm

kirayng wrote:
This is not meant to support negativity in any way but damnit, Sweetleaf you're so right on! What do we do now that we realize we can't delude ourselves, those rose-colored glasses are smashed to pieces on a dirty sidewalk and kicked aside by some random jerk....


Is it all really a matter of perspective? I feel like I've lived a wasted life full of pain, anguish and torment; that I've contributed nothing to the lives of others... is this perspective or truth? Like you said, when it's all looked at a certain way... what is the point? Why do anything at all?


I sincerely wish I had the answer to this question and I honestly can say that if I were completely alone (no family) I would have nothing to do anything for...... except myself... and well....


it's so hard to do things for myself because I need so much and others find it "SELFISH" hah! As if.

Anyways, I hear ya and just wanted to commiserate, crappy day I've had... hurt feelings, so easily hurt.... now that the walls are gone.


Well at least there are some people who can kind of understand this.....and hey I prefer this to 'oh it will all get better this is all just in your head.' That's pretty much what therapists say just not in those words but its always about trying to recover and start living a wonderful life....do they seriously think that is going to work for everyone?

If I could find a therapist that would actually help me deal with my state of mind as it is so I can figure out what to do with that, I would go to them.....but I am sick of the 'you just have to change your thinking and everything will work out.' but imagine what would happen if I went into a rant like this to a typical therapist.


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02 Mar 2012, 4:21 pm

I agree with/relate to pretty much everything you said, but kind of already got used to having that perspective, and take the negativity of the world for granted, so I don't get quite as annoyed about that stuff in particular any more, as I used to.

The rude awakening of it is mostly over, and I'm just left bored and wondering "So... Now what?"

Quote:
I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....


For some reason this brought small animals to mind, and made me wonder about how they manage to survive in the same world that is so difficult even for some people, and how those small animals must feel when comparing themselves to larger creatures. Like, does a rabbit ever worry about how it lacks the abilities that a fox has, and get all angry and insecure about not being a fox, or does it just concern itself with trying to be a rabbit? And concentrate fully on the dealings and affairs of rabbits?

That probably has nothing to do with anything, but my mind wandered that way when reading that line.



kirayng
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02 Mar 2012, 4:26 pm

Well it's simply not all sunshine and roses. Life sucks, in so many ways and so many people just put the blinders on and go about their business, taking care of themselves only. I think you're on to something pretty huge in your life... you've seen through all the propaganda... and hype.... there is no American dream anymore, we've exhausted a system that served us well and now have to pay for it and change things.


Ugh I had so much typed that was hit and miss good.... having an off day, my apologies.



kirayng
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02 Mar 2012, 4:29 pm

Invader wrote:
I agree with/relate to pretty much everything you said, but kind of already got used to having that perspective, and take the negativity of the world for granted, so I don't get quite as annoyed about that stuff in particular any more, as I used to.

The rude awakening of it is mostly over, and I'm just left bored and wondering "So... Now what?"

Quote:
I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....


For some reason this brought small animals to mind, and made me wonder about how they manage to survive in the same world that is so difficult even for some people, and how those small animals must feel when comparing themselves to larger creatures. Like, does a rabbit ever worry about how it lacks the abilities that a fox has, and get all angry and insecure about not being a fox, or does it just concern itself with trying to be a rabbit? And concentrate fully on the dealings and affairs of rabbits?

That probably has nothing to do with anything, but my mind wandered that way when reading that line.


That end line you mentioned, spot on, I spent the last hour trying to get that concept out that you so eloquently conveyed, much appreciation here. There are human beings who are only concerned with being a human being and they're usually ordained monks. Unfortunately for the rest of us no one lets us just be us without bothering us and comparing themselves to us and making the whole judgement based on social strata because we have this thing in us called "reason" which rabbits/foxes don't have. Without reason, we aren't human, but with it, we can be gods and monsters.



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02 Mar 2012, 4:30 pm

Invader wrote:
I agree with/relate to pretty much everything you said, but kind of already got used to having that perspective, and take the negativity of the world for granted, so I don't get quite as annoyed about that stuff in particular any more, as I used to.

The rude awakening of it is mostly over, and I'm just left bored and wondering "So... Now what?"

Quote:
I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....


For some reason this brought small animals to mind, and made me wonder about how they manage to survive in the same world that is so difficult even for some people, and how those small animals must feel when comparing themselves to larger creatures. Like, does a rabbit ever worry about how it lacks the abilities that a fox has, and get all angry and insecure about not being a fox, or does it just concern itself with trying to be a rabbit? And concentrate fully on the dealings and affairs of rabbits?

That probably has nothing to do with anything, but my mind wandered that way when reading that line.


Well I am talking about not to live up to what is expected my my fellow species, not some other more bad-ass seeming species....but it is interesting to ponder I suppose.

But yeah, I guess I am kind of wondering where I go from here.....I mean I feel like the most I will accomplish is having a mental breakdown and ending up in a mental institution. Unless sh*t hits the fan and the system falls apart and then hey at least it would be something different.


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shartora
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02 Mar 2012, 4:32 pm

From what I've seen of the world it is truly a lovely place.

From what I've seen of the people who live on it ....


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02 Mar 2012, 4:35 pm

kirayng wrote:
Well it's simply not all sunshine and roses. Life sucks, in so many ways and so many people just put the blinders on and go about their business, taking care of themselves only. I think you're on to something pretty huge in your life... you've seen through all the propaganda... and hype.... there is no American dream anymore, we've exhausted a system that served us well and now have to pay for it and change things.


Ugh I had so much typed that was hit and miss good.... having an off day, my apologies.


Life sucks and then you die, a teacher said this when trying to explain the philosophy of some ancient group of people during a history class back in high school. Having a very hard time not fully and completely agreeing with that. But yes that is part of it once you see through all the bs there is no way to convince yourself you didn't see it. That's the trouble I can't just put blinders on and go about my business and don't see why I should........yet that is what therapists seem to want me to do. Also, I don't think this system has been serving us all that well for a very long time. But yeah I certainly see what you mean.


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Sweetleaf
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02 Mar 2012, 4:37 pm

shartora wrote:
From what I've seen of the world it is truly a lovely place.

From what I've seen of the people who live on it ....


Good point, and i am more or less frusterated about the human aspects of the world.........I see nothing wrong with mountains, trees, rivers, animals, cloudy skies and all that stuff.


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02 Mar 2012, 4:43 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Invader wrote:
I agree with/relate to pretty much everything you said, but kind of already got used to having that perspective, and take the negativity of the world for granted, so I don't get quite as annoyed about that stuff in particular any more, as I used to.

The rude awakening of it is mostly over, and I'm just left bored and wondering "So... Now what?"

Quote:
I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....


For some reason this brought small animals to mind, and made me wonder about how they manage to survive in the same world that is so difficult even for some people, and how those small animals must feel when comparing themselves to larger creatures. Like, does a rabbit ever worry about how it lacks the abilities that a fox has, and get all angry and insecure about not being a fox, or does it just concern itself with trying to be a rabbit? And concentrate fully on the dealings and affairs of rabbits?

That probably has nothing to do with anything, but my mind wandered that way when reading that line.


Well I am talking about not to live up to what is expected my my fellow species, not some other more bad-ass seeming species....but it is interesting to ponder I suppose.

But yeah, I guess I am kind of wondering where I go from here.....I mean I feel like the most I will accomplish is having a mental breakdown and ending up in a mental institution. Unless sh*t hits the fan and the system falls apart and then hey at least it would be something different.


Well with the evil NTs who live parasitically above everyone else while looking down on the people below and calling them the evil parasites, it does feel like they are a different species sometimes.



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02 Mar 2012, 4:51 pm

Invader wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Invader wrote:
I agree with/relate to pretty much everything you said, but kind of already got used to having that perspective, and take the negativity of the world for granted, so I don't get quite as annoyed about that stuff in particular any more, as I used to.

The rude awakening of it is mostly over, and I'm just left bored and wondering "So... Now what?"

Quote:
I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....


For some reason this brought small animals to mind, and made me wonder about how they manage to survive in the same world that is so difficult even for some people, and how those small animals must feel when comparing themselves to larger creatures. Like, does a rabbit ever worry about how it lacks the abilities that a fox has, and get all angry and insecure about not being a fox, or does it just concern itself with trying to be a rabbit? And concentrate fully on the dealings and affairs of rabbits?

That probably has nothing to do with anything, but my mind wandered that way when reading that line.


Well I am talking about not to live up to what is expected my my fellow species, not some other more bad-ass seeming species....but it is interesting to ponder I suppose.

But yeah, I guess I am kind of wondering where I go from here.....I mean I feel like the most I will accomplish is having a mental breakdown and ending up in a mental institution. Unless sh*t hits the fan and the system falls apart and then hey at least it would be something different.


Well with the evil NTs who live parasitically above everyone else while looking down on the people below and calling them the evil parasites, it does feel like they are a different species sometimes.


Well see the thing is i don't think most Neurotypicals know what aspergers even is or how to identify someone with it. So my frustration would be more with a smaller group of Neurotypicals such as the ones running the show. The show being this sick game of a system we have that seems to be set up in such a way to screw over a lot more than just people with autism or other mental conditions. I mean it is so unbelievably frustrating for me that i feel like I need to apply for disability due to inability to work consistently due not being able to function in various work environments ect....but I don't trust the system but i need to survive, what a vicious cycle.


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Sweetleaf
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02 Mar 2012, 4:57 pm

kirayng wrote:
Invader wrote:
I agree with/relate to pretty much everything you said, but kind of already got used to having that perspective, and take the negativity of the world for granted, so I don't get quite as annoyed about that stuff in particular any more, as I used to.

The rude awakening of it is mostly over, and I'm just left bored and wondering "So... Now what?"

Quote:
I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....


For some reason this brought small animals to mind, and made me wonder about how they manage to survive in the same world that is so difficult even for some people, and how those small animals must feel when comparing themselves to larger creatures. Like, does a rabbit ever worry about how it lacks the abilities that a fox has, and get all angry and insecure about not being a fox, or does it just concern itself with trying to be a rabbit? And concentrate fully on the dealings and affairs of rabbits?

That probably has nothing to do with anything, but my mind wandered that way when reading that line.


That end line you mentioned, spot on, I spent the last hour trying to get that concept out that you so eloquently conveyed, much appreciation here. There are human beings who are only concerned with being a human being and they're usually ordained monks. Unfortunately for the rest of us no one lets us just be us without bothering us and comparing themselves to us and making the whole judgement based on social strata because we have this thing in us called "reason" which rabbits/foxes don't have. Without reason, we aren't human, but with it, we can be gods and monsters.


Well define reason foxes are felines which makes them kind of like cats.....and cats seem pretty reasonable for the vicious carnivores they are same with dogs. I would not argue they have the reasoning abilities humans do but not all of them just run on instinct. I mean what kind of a dog instinct is 'oh those fellow dogs are going to attack that girl I better go stand in front of them and growl at them so she can get up the hill and away from them.' Yet I don't know what the hell else could have going through that dogs mind when he did that for me.


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kirayng
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02 Mar 2012, 5:00 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
kirayng wrote:
Well it's simply not all sunshine and roses. Life sucks, in so many ways and so many people just put the blinders on and go about their business, taking care of themselves only. I think you're on to something pretty huge in your life... you've seen through all the propaganda... and hype.... there is no American dream anymore, we've exhausted a system that served us well and now have to pay for it and change things.


Ugh I had so much typed that was hit and miss good.... having an off day, my apologies.


Life sucks and then you die, a teacher said this when trying to explain the philosophy of some ancient group of people during a history class back in high school. Having a very hard time not fully and completely agreeing with that. But yes that is part of it once you see through all the bs there is no way to convince yourself you didn't see it. That's the trouble I can't just put blinders on and go about my business and don't see why I should........yet that is what therapists seem to want me to do. Also, I don't think this system has been serving us all that well for a very long time. But yeah I certainly see what you mean.


Someday you do just have to pick up and keep going. In a really, really fundamental way, that is ALL you can do. Yes, it may be on the mouse wheel of life but it doesn't have to be; there are those of us who are free. Besides happiness is an emotion. Peace is rest in the heart, ease in the mind. Still... just another concept. Think about that. :)



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02 Mar 2012, 5:03 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
kirayng wrote:
Invader wrote:
I agree with/relate to pretty much everything you said, but kind of already got used to having that perspective, and take the negativity of the world for granted, so I don't get quite as annoyed about that stuff in particular any more, as I used to.

The rude awakening of it is mostly over, and I'm just left bored and wondering "So... Now what?"

Quote:
I mean great the world a cruel place, I'm not equipped to deal with it. And I don't know what the hell to do with that other then try to accept myself somewhat.....


For some reason this brought small animals to mind, and made me wonder about how they manage to survive in the same world that is so difficult even for some people, and how those small animals must feel when comparing themselves to larger creatures. Like, does a rabbit ever worry about how it lacks the abilities that a fox has, and get all angry and insecure about not being a fox, or does it just concern itself with trying to be a rabbit? And concentrate fully on the dealings and affairs of rabbits?

That probably has nothing to do with anything, but my mind wandered that way when reading that line.


That end line you mentioned, spot on, I spent the last hour trying to get that concept out that you so eloquently conveyed, much appreciation here. There are human beings who are only concerned with being a human being and they're usually ordained monks. Unfortunately for the rest of us no one lets us just be us without bothering us and comparing themselves to us and making the whole judgement based on social strata because we have this thing in us called "reason" which rabbits/foxes don't have. Without reason, we aren't human, but with it, we can be gods and monsters.


Well define reason foxes are felines which makes them kind of like cats.....and cats seem pretty reasonable for the vicious carnivores they are same with dogs. I would not argue they have the reasoning abilities humans do but not all of them just run on instinct. I mean what kind of a dog instinct is 'oh those fellow dogs are going to attack that girl I better go stand in front of them and growl at them so she can get up the hill and away from them.' Yet I don't know what the hell else could have going through that dogs mind when he did that for me.


Foxes are in the canidae family, so dogs. And a dog has the instinct to protect one of its pack from danger, especially if that one is Alpha, which any good dog owner would be. Cats being reasonable and vicious carnivores are human emotion relational qualities. Cats are cats and carnivores eat meat. :) (all meant in good fun, not to argue, to play only, I'm a stickler for THE WAY IT IS! tm LOL)



Sweetleaf
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02 Mar 2012, 5:08 pm

kirayng wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
kirayng wrote:
Well it's simply not all sunshine and roses. Life sucks, in so many ways and so many people just put the blinders on and go about their business, taking care of themselves only. I think you're on to something pretty huge in your life... you've seen through all the propaganda... and hype.... there is no American dream anymore, we've exhausted a system that served us well and now have to pay for it and change things.


Ugh I had so much typed that was hit and miss good.... having an off day, my apologies.


Life sucks and then you die, a teacher said this when trying to explain the philosophy of some ancient group of people during a history class back in high school. Having a very hard time not fully and completely agreeing with that. But yes that is part of it once you see through all the bs there is no way to convince yourself you didn't see it. That's the trouble I can't just put blinders on and go about my business and don't see why I should........yet that is what therapists seem to want me to do. Also, I don't think this system has been serving us all that well for a very long time. But yeah I certainly see what you mean.


Someday you do just have to pick up and keep going. In a really, really fundamental way, that is ALL you can do. Yes, it may be on the mouse wheel of life but it doesn't have to be; there are those of us who are free. Besides happiness is an emotion. Peace is rest in the heart, ease in the mind. Still... just another concept. Think about that. :)


That's all it feels I've been doing, but what kind of life is that? It just seems so pointless I guess and I know happiness is an emotion, an emotion I don't feel. I imagine I am more likely to find peace the way you mean it eventually than happiness.


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