How do you deal with this side of aspergers?

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Jamesy
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05 Mar 2012, 9:35 am

i stubmeld upon this interesting article today and here is a quote from it.


"Anger can also come in Aspergers syndrome sufferers when rituals can’t get accomplished or when their need for order or symmetry can’t be met. Frustration over what doesn’t usually bother others can lead to anger and sometimes, violent outbursts. This kind of anger is best handled through cognitive-behavioral therapy that focuses on maintaining control in spite of the frustration of not having their needs met.
"


i can't face a life behdind bars if i lose my temper or WORSE kill someone one day. usually though i don't lash out with violence but just by shouting. i haven't got enough money for anger management or congitive behavour therapy


here's the source by the way
http://tiny.cc/RZ8e2b



Heidi80
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05 Mar 2012, 9:46 am

I get really frustrated too if someone dares to interrupt my rutines/structures. I see a coach and a psychologist at a support place for people with asperger's and autism at the moment and the psychologist and I are working on this. It's going to take a long time, but at least I'm on the right track. Two really important things I have learned regarding frustration/anger is to get away from the situation when you start to feel angry (not always possible) and, after a meltdown, analyze the situation and think about what you could do differently next time something similar happens. It's not going to work at once, but the more you start to feel the pattern behind your frustration the easier it becomes to recognize difficault situations beforehand and prevent meltdowns.



Angel_ryan
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05 Mar 2012, 9:47 am

I find this part even harder to deal with when someone tries to help and they don't even try to acknowledge my point of view.


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Kjas
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05 Mar 2012, 9:54 am

I hate this part. When someone screw ups my routine accidentally I will be frustrated.

But if someone screws up my routine intentionally when they knew they were going to do so and doesn't give me notice, I get extremely frustrated and also angry.

The most screwed up thing is, when I'm really angry, I cry. (especially if I am already stressed out, I don't know why but this has always been the case)

It's damn embarrassing. I've learn to just excuse myself and go to the restroom when they do it intentionally and don't give me notice, especially if I'm already stressed. If I'm not stressed out, then I just need to be alone to get over it.


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ToughDiamond
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05 Mar 2012, 11:40 am

I have the opposite problem - I don't seem able to express anger much at all.

I think the treatment might be the same though. I believe my problems, and yours, probably come from not being assertive enough with people. We tend not to make our needs/requirements very clear, so a lot of our frustration is down to the offender's ignorance of our plight. We need to learn to manage our anger, and I don't think that can be done unless we begin to feel that we can get a lot of what we want by asserting ourselves better rather than by kicking off or (in my case) by withdrawing and nursing hidden feelings of disappointment and disgust.

Rage isn't popular. I've known first-hand what it's like to spend a lot of time with somebody who explodes without any warning. The sheer volume of the yelling is bad enough. Being shouted down every time you try to reassure is worse. Even when the words aren't directed personally at you, they can still feel abusive and humiliating. If it's a feature of a person to be that way frequently, it'll be a rare friend who sticks around for long. We need more articulate, practicable ways of making our negative feelings known.



Callista
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05 Mar 2012, 1:17 pm

It helps to have a plan for what you will do when your routines get screwed up. That way, you have an alternate sequence of events in your mind, and can re-adjust more easily without so much frustration. It certainly won't eliminate frustration entirely, but it can definitely help.

Example: "If class is canceled today, I will go to the library and study the textbook instead." That helps you not to flip out if you walk into class and see a "class canceled" notice on the board.

Or, "If the cafeteria is out of salads, I will order a chicken sandwich instead."

Things like that.


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WhiteWidow
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05 Mar 2012, 1:26 pm

I lashed out at what I comprised of a family thus far yesterday.

I finally told them they were conservative, gun loving, ipad addicted red necks who didn't read and don't know
a single thing about the economy or the war on drugs and they should
buy me a bed b/c they can finance all these excess things, re do a 91 year old woman's kitchen, buy her a new TV, but I have
to sleep on a floor mattress b/c my disability checks won't cover a new bed for quite some time.

They told me to get the hell out of their life basically. After I told them they make me sick to my stomach and I can't stand
having family dinners with them.

Disconnecting myself and building my own life, and making my own choices without the influence of friends or family has been comforting but also somewhat depressing. But at the same time I do feel liberated.



Oldout
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05 Mar 2012, 1:30 pm

I find this part even harder to deal with when someone tries to help and they don't even try to acknowledge my point of view.

Remember as soon you show anger to them your point of view is tainted as an irrational outburst and you become the troublemaker. It would be nice if we (aspies) could just walk away from these encounters, but sometimes the interruption is just too much.

I try and I hope you can too. I didn't say I was always successful. Good luck!



Callista
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05 Mar 2012, 1:32 pm

WhiteWidow--this is off-topic, but I had the floor mattress problem myself for quite a while; and I learned that if you don't air out the mattress regularly, you are likely to get mildew on it because it's not off the ground. Best way to address it is just to tip the mattress up, lean it against the wall, during the day. That keeps it dry pretty well.

BTW: Don't worry about expensive bedsteads. All you need is a simple box spring and a frame to keep it off the ground. Everything beyond that is just for looks.


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05 Mar 2012, 1:45 pm

I tend to internalize things, but that means the few times I do lose control.....its much more extreme, though I do my best not to hurt anyone...walls, or other stationary objects might not be so safe though. One time I even punched through a window.....I got home from school this was like when I was in middle or highschool and I was kinda frustrated and hit the window the intention was not to break it but I guess I did not realize how much force I could put into it. With people I might end up ranting at them or something.

I don't exactly know what to do about that though.



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05 Mar 2012, 1:46 pm

Angel_ryan wrote:
I find this part even harder to deal with when someone tries to help and they don't even try to acknowledge my point of view.


I know what you mean, that is especially annoying.



camelCase
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05 Mar 2012, 2:00 pm

Angel_ryan wrote:
I find this part even harder to deal with when someone tries to help and they don't even try to acknowledge my point of view.


I know exactly what you mean, and it makes me even more frustrated, as well. It is no help at all to offer your advice/opinion when you have no understanding of what the person is going through or how they see the situation.



Angel_ryan
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07 Mar 2012, 9:14 am

Oldout wrote:

Angel_Ryan wrote:
I find this part even harder to deal with when someone tries to help and they don't even try to acknowledge my point of view.


Remember as soon you show anger to them your point of view is tainted as an irrational outburst and you become the troublemaker. It would be nice if we (aspies) could just walk away from these encounters, but sometimes the interruption is just too much.

I try and I hope you can too. I didn't say I was always successful. Good luck!


I'm not always the one who loses control. My own mother has had irrational outbursts on me, but since I'm her daughter I'm automatically a troublemaker, and if my dad tries to stick up for me then she says he doesn't really love her. She twists things that i say and doesn't seem to understand my view point at all, calling me a liar about my feelings because she doesn't seem to understand them. She won't take the time to understand me or hear me out and prosecutes me all the time causing me to have lots of crippling meltdowns. She's a very negative human being.


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Alexender
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07 Mar 2012, 10:21 am

Well I am pretty sure I had some type of problem with this. In 8th grade I would get insanely mad a lot, don't remember what it was over. I actually got misdiagnosed with bipolar at the time.

I haven't gotten really angry lately, but if I do I would probably just yell, I don't get violent.


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07 Mar 2012, 3:57 pm

Jamesy wrote:
i stubmeld upon this interesting article today and here is a quote from it.


"Anger can also come in Aspergers syndrome sufferers when rituals can’t get accomplished or when their need for order or symmetry can’t be met. Frustration over what doesn’t usually bother others can lead to anger and sometimes, violent outbursts. This kind of anger is best handled through cognitive-behavioral therapy that focuses on maintaining control in spite of the frustration of not having their needs met.
"


i can't face a life behdind bars if i lose my temper or WORSE kill someone one day. usually though i don't lash out with violence but just by shouting. i haven't got enough money for anger management or congitive behavour therapy


here's the source by the way
http://tiny.cc/RZ8e2b


I have the same problem with anger.
I get annoyed, I lash out at people and I even get agressive. I am consumed by feelings of guilt afterwards ofcourse. A tiresome and frustrating process. I don't know what will help me because I tend to forget everything I have ever learnt as soon as the first symptoms of irritation and anger occur. When I was in my teens I had a lot of physicial fights with others. Those days are gone now but I still don't completely trust myself.