My "friend" has betrayed me.....

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I have a friend who I have known since 1999. It was she who asked me to research Asperger's for her earlier this year, and it was whilr researching this that i realised a lot of the inffo related to me, so I went to get tested and got diagnosed this August.

This girl is, like myself, a collector of pokemon, but she is like 10 times more obsessed than I am (which is saying something) and also opbsesses about "Doctor Who". She has been told that the Social services suspect she has Asperger's and they want to test her but she's not been tested yet. I have given her stuff she hasn't got, even if it means giving her the only one I have, so she can have it, and I have also helped her get stuff off eBay gbecause I have an eBay account and she does not. I have pit her up once or twice at short notice and loaned her money when she's been in duire straits. I value my friends, few trhough they be, and will sometimes help them to my own detriment.

Last year, she fell pregnant and Social Services stepped in, claiming that she was a danger to her child (which is so much cow pat: they took her other three children away but I have seen her walk out and hit a wall when the two oldest children were kicking and punching her rather than hurt them)

I was diagnosed with Asperger's on 10 August, and admittedly I made reference to it for 2 days afterwards probably too much which she took offense at. 4 days after my diagnosis, she had to say goodbye to her baby as Social Services decided to have it adopted.

I habve since found out that two days before her child is adoipted, she went ton my boyfdriend's parents when I wasn;t around and slagged me off to them. I forgive her for this because of what she was facing just two days later.

howeverm, I have since found out that on at least two other occasions (the most recent occurring 10 days ago) that she told my boyfriend that he could "do better." in other words slagged me off to my boyfriend whichg really hurt him too.

Afdter everything I have done for this girl, I find she's been doing this. I guess I've been naive, I've heard her slag off her very best friend, who she says she's known since she was a toddler, so I guess I should have known she might do it to me but i know for a fact that this friende owes her money and won't pay her back: I have never done anything like that, so why does she do this to me????

IO ewant to ask her but it would mean 1) betraying the confidence of my boyfriend and his Dad (who told me) and 2) I''m terrified to lose her friendship, shallow though it seems to be, shre's a lovely vivacious bubbly girl who makes you feel privelaged and valued and worthwhile in her presence. She's very bubbly and fun, but this is eating away at me and I feel so betrayed.

Comments, thoughts, opinions, Ideas, please????

JulieArticuno

Don't give her chance to do it again. If you let her get away with this now, she might well think it's OK to do it again. Cut her out.

If she going to do this to you, then she does not deserve to hang about with you, it feels to me like she is taking advantage of your kindness. I have had this happen to me all though school. And once it happens, i tried to patch things up, but nothng worked so i cut ties with them and tried to move on. It is painful, and it's uup to you what you do, but it's not your fault. <hugs>

F- her. she's an a--hole. what the hell kind of irresponsibility and hazard to society is she anyway. 3 children. who would impregnate such nonsense. this b--ch can't keep her own s--t together, who is SHE to judge you? especially after you helped her through her garbage of an existence.

Drop her like a sack of rotten tomatos and move on with your life.
and tell her to "F" off if she ever tries interfering with your life again.


sometimes it's GOOD to be blunt.


i apologize for my outrage, but people really need to know when they've crossed the line.

This says more about your feelings than about what a great gal she is. You should be able to feel that on your own, or with your boyfriend. Not from someone who treats you so badly.
That she can't figure out how to keep her own children, she has big time problems. Taking care of kids is a lot more complex than not hitting them.
It's hard, I have been friends with someone who is a crappy friend too. She lies about men and is not supportive. I was lonely for a platonic friend though. But I'm ashamed that I stayed friendly with her as long as I did. She'd probably really flip if I let her know what I really think about her.

People can act bubbly and flattering when they want something from you.

Hmm, I think that you should just talk about it honestly with her. There's probably a good chance that she doesn't even realize that she's doing it, or there's something else going on. She's got a motive for doing it, and the motive is not as simple as "trying to hurt you." It could be that she is taking her frustration out on you for some reason, or maybe she is jealous of you? In all of my AS-AS relationships, I've seen this personal sabotage happen. Unfortunately, the only way that she will change is if she learns and understands what she is doing wrong, or you do something different (this is not to suggest that what's going on is your fault, because it's not your fault at all).

I agree. When someone shows you how they really are, believe them. Drop her like a bad habit, and if she asks why, tell her so straight up. Use Blackdove's first paragraph for inspiration.

Show her the following:

you > her, in no uncertain terms.

you = moving on with your life, and she could die in a gutter for all you care, because you're done being taken advantage of.

Maybe it isn't her fault, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with it. I'd stop talking to her.

You know what, I did exactly that, and she said the first incident she can't remember (I believe her, as she had been drinking really heavily) and she says she cannot recall the second time only. I think she CAN recall the second time (or maybe even the first) but won't admit it. Or maybe, as you say, she didn't even realise she was doing it or was taking out frustration on me.

She gets one more chance and I think she knows it. Now she has an idea that if she DOES talk about me behind my back, I'll get to hear about it. So she should hopefully cut it out if she DID know, and watch what she says if she didn't know.If she lets me down again, she gets told to get out of my life, and why. Not to mention that if she does this to everyone, she'll end up with no friends at all because no-one likes a back-stabber.

Thanks all!

JulieArticuno