How to approach this with my doctor

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Sorry this is so long... I just wanted to give as clear a picture as possible..

Last summer while researching temper tantrums in children I learned about autistic spectrum disorders and started to see a lot of myself in the description of the associated traits. After going through old report cards and looking back at my childhood from this different perpective I discovered it was an even better fit than I had initially thought and "self diagnosed".
During the same summer I starting seeing my doctor about the fact that I have no friends and have a hard time getting out of my house and am concerned due to the fact that I have a 3 year old who gets stuck in my house when I'm stuck in my house. I want to make sure that she has the opportunity to interact with the world and other children and adults.
I told my family about my suspisions about potentially having an autistic spectrum disorder and the responses I received were No. You are normal. Everyone has these traits to some degree. (I believe they glanced at the DSM IV diagnostic criteria for aspergers as well as a list of potential symptoms/traits and decided that was enough information to make a judgement call) My mom said there is no point labeling yourself when you are the same person either way. She said she thinks me having trouble socially just means that I haven't practiced enough. She also told me not to tell my doctor or to mention anything about autism. She said to let them come to their own conclusions.
My concern is that an individual who is not specialized in autistic spectrum disorders might not be looking for or be able to recognise anything unless it is an extreme case. I understand her concern but if I am correct in my self diagnosis then perhaps a different approach to dealing with my issues would be more beneficial.
My doctor is referring me to a psychologist for the anxiety issues she has been unable to resolve. I'm debating mentioning my suspicions of an autistic spectrum disorder but Im not sure if this is a good idea and if I decide to Im not really sure how to approach this.

What do you think about this situation? Any suggestions?

Hi, I'm also self-diagnosed. What I like about Aspergers-Autism Spectrum is that it's a thick concept which explains a lot about me, both good and bad, why I do well in some situations but not others, how a lot of my traits are like two sides of a coin. I have also found it inspirational all the famous people from history that were probably on the spectrum (I try to be a little careful about diagnosing people still living. For example, Daryl Hannah has said publicly that she has Asperger's. This is good and brave of her. But if she hadn't said this, I'd want us to be a little careful here on WP about speculating, preferring to say she's a unique, creative person who marches to her own drummer.)

Your mom might being mama grizzly protective of her child, not wanting anyone one to criticize, including you! She probably come around in time, just not according to any kind of schedule.

As far as getting out of the house, I often have a lot of self-imposed tasks, for example that I must exercise, shower, brush my teeth, eat in prescribed order and in perfectionist fashion. Is that part of your issue?

Regarding talking with a doctor, I classify the spectrum as four aspects: intense intellectual interests, awkward social skills or at least patchy social skills, stimming, and sensory issues.

That might be part of the issue with not going outside (the self-imposed tasks).
I also can't make it out on days when I work in the evening. When I work at 4pm I can't make it outside at all during the day.
I also wont go out when my neighbors are out in their yards.

It sounds like your mother is protecting you and this sounds like a long term pattern. She might be right or wrong, who knows. Perhaps she is worried about how the authorities might view your own concerns about how you are bringing up your child.

From reading as lot of these threads and my own experiences, if you are not specific you'll walk out of the doctors with a prescription for Prozac. GPs are not usually aware of aspergers or ADHD in adults and will normally try to wave this away. I believe this is actually a social prompt for you to justify this belief and it is at this point most aspies will clam up and leave. It seems to work best if you type everything up first and take that with you. If you give the doctor a 3 page summary of yourself, they'll probably refer you rather than taking the time to read it.

I'm preparing myself for this visit too, but I am also going through some work sponsored counselling first. I did mention and only once my belief that I am on the spectrum, she filed away that piece of information and neither of us have directly brought this up again.

The interesting thing is she has recognised some light sensitivity and visual thinking and throughout the course of treatment she seems to be changing cbt style. She has stopped probing for distressing life experiences that may cause some of my anxious behaviours and instead has gone into a very practical coaching mode. We now run through whatever has caused me problems that week, she gives me some theory, then she gives me a strategy, then homework.

This is all helping, but I only have two sessions left. We've not discussed it yet, but it's pretty obvious that we are barely started yet. I am going to the doctors today to discuss anxiety (at the cousellors insistence), she would like physical medical conditions ruled out as a precaution.

Jason

There are a few on-line tests that are worth taking.
The AQ test is a very well respected test.
The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale Revised (RAADS-R) is another internationally recognized test. This one is designed to be taken with the assistance of a specialist who can explain any of the more difficult or confusing questions. However you can take it on your own or with someone who knows you well.
The Aspie quiz. This one is a bit more controversial. It does seem to be reasonably accurate but it hasn't been researched as well as the first two.

If you score highly on the tests then print them out and take them with you to your doctor. You may also want to print out this paper which details the accuracy of the AQ test and this one covers the RAADS-R. While your doctor may not have the time to read them, the fact that you have evidence for your conclusions should be helpful. Make a list of your symptoms and the issues you want to address. You can either give it to your doctor or use it yourself as a prompt sheet. Try to make this the main focus of the visit. In other words instead of 'I have anxiety problems and I think I may have AS' try for 'I think I may have AS and one of my symptoms includes anxiety'. It is good that your doctor is referring you to a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist. A psychologist is far more likely to know about ASD.

Depending on how you feel about forms you may enjoy the tests or you may hate them. However, apart from the final score, thinking about the questions may be useful as they may well clarify some of your thoughts and experiences.

The 'No, you are normal' response is quite common. Prior to finding out about Asperger's I always felt there was something odd about my nephew's behavior. Once I found about Asperger's syndrome for myself, his behavior became very obvious to me. My mother however thought it was perfectly normal, even after I explained it to her. After his diagnosis we all sat down and discussed it. The main reason why my mother thought his behavior was normal was because I was the same at his age and her childhood was similar. To her it WAS normal. As an adult most Aspies become very good at both consciously and unconsciously covering up their symptoms so it can be difficult for most to spot the differences. In most cases they put them down to being shy or just a little eccentric.

No matter what the tests or other people say, your gut feeling is the most important. If you feel like AS explains a lot about you and you feel comfortable on this forum then hang around. A lot of people here have similar experiences to yours. One of the really great things about WP is that pretty much no matter what problems you have, someone here has also been there and is likely to be able to make suggestions or just offer moral support.

A psychologist is a better person to talk to about it than a GP. However, many psychologists are not informed about Asperger's. There is a test you can get if you find someone who is knowledgeable about the condition. I have been self-diagnosed since I found out about it several years ago. It took me several years to find a therapist who was familiar with it who could officially diagnose me. When I talked to him, I told him my self-diagnosis and he said I probably have a mild case. He tested people for it and has at least one other adult Asperger's client, so I trust him. If I did not say anything to my therapist, I feel I would have been selling myself short. Of course, there's not a lot you can do about it if you do have AS. There's no cure, but it helps to know. For me, it helps take away some of the shame I feel for social mishaps.